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Webchat about bringing up girls on the autistic spectrum with Carrie Grant, campaigner for the National Autistic Society.

123 replies

RachelMumsnet · 09/06/2014 16:57

We were contacted recently by the National Austistic Society who had read this thread and suggested we invite Carrie Grant to join us for a webchat to chat specifically about bringing up girls on the autistic spectrum.

Carrie is a parent campaigner for the National Autistic Society. She is mum to four children, three birth and one adopted child. The children's ages are: 19, 12, 8 and 4 years. Their needs range from Autism, Asperger syndrome (AS), AD(H)D, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia, Tourettes and attachment difficulties. The Grants host a monthly meeting to support parents of girls with AS.

She says,: “I guess you could say we specialise in unique children! These children are magical, inspiring, creative and sometimes challenging. When you have four with needs the chances are one or other is always going to be kicking off. We are learning fast about both the system and how to meet our children’s needs".

“We long to encourage other parents on their journey and we also want to see changes made in society, a shift from tolerating or accepting difference to actually celebrating difference.”

Join Carrie this Wednesday (11th June) between 9 and 10pm for a webchat and if you're unable to join Carrie at that time, please post a question in advance on this thread.

Webchat about bringing up girls on the autistic spectrum with Carrie Grant, campaigner for the National Autistic Society.
OP posts:
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CarrieGrant · 11/06/2014 22:02

@AlarmOnSnooze

thanks, Carrie - exercise is a good thought, but the absoulte sheer horror that is PE (dressing/undressing, unable to guage temperature, so wears shorts/t shirt in winter, and a full tracksuit in summer, wrong fabrics, too much noise - has to wear trainers) makes that unworkable (well, until school wise up a bit more, anyway)

school holidays arent too bad here - she settles happily into home routine rather than school routine, although now ds is nearly 2, and into everything, I suspect this summer is not going to be as peaceful as last summer!


Ha, that made me laugh because that's me, never sure how to dress for appropriate weather/occasion! Def not a PE situation for your daughter, no dressing or undressing more running or pressure exercises, squeezing, bouncing etc!
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Rumours · 11/06/2014 22:02

My two boys are at opposite ends if the spectrum and sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled apart. How do you cope?

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Trijim · 11/06/2014 22:03

Thanks for the advice Carrie. This is early days for me but it's very reassuring to hear you and many others on this thread dealing with these challenges so positively and successfully.

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1805 · 11/06/2014 22:03

am I too late?

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AlarmOnSnooze · 11/06/2014 22:05

yes, i know where she gets it from - I only realised I was wearing a jumper today when I got horrified looks at the school gate...

sadly dd2's school are not clued up enough to be using the squeezing/bouncing stuff (oh, they could learn a thing or two from dd1's school!) and would not be able to reconcile asking the children to be nice and still during the rehearsals with skipping/running/releasing tension in between... somethng to work towards for next year though...

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KateSMumsnet · 11/06/2014 22:06

Thanks so much for talking to us this evening Carrie - some really interesting points raised and useful information shared Flowers

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1805 · 11/06/2014 22:06

If my 9yr old currently behaves at school, is it likely she will continue to?
What problems should I be on the look out for as she moves up to senior school?

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CarrieGrant · 11/06/2014 22:06

@SpannersJenkins

How did you feel as a parent when you first heard the AS diagnosis?


Do you know, it sounds odd but David and I actually felt good about it. We aren't exactly "neuro-typical" so our children match us, they are quirky, different, creative etc. Our industry has many people on the spectrum in it so our kids feel "normal" to us. Didn't need to grieve as we don't see it as negative. The main negative aspect is trying to get the rest of the world to understand. The behaviours can be challenging of course but a diagnosis is helpful because you know exactly what you're dealing with then. The hardest thing is late diagnosis, I meet too many parents wracked with guilt about not getting their kids the help they needed.
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CarrieGrant · 11/06/2014 22:09

@1805

If my 9yr old currently behaves at school, is it likely she will continue to?
What problems should I be on the look out for as she moves up to senior school?


Often (esp girls) do behave well, it's the inner anxiety we have to watch out for. Learning to read these children is a continual job! As they move up to senior school and the social communication issues show more it can be that they feel more isolated, so recognising this and keeping up the dialogue. The listening can be exhausting but it's a lifeline!
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kippersmum · 11/06/2014 22:11

I have been so interested to see the link between performing and Aspergers. My DD 7, loves her school choir & has no trouble performing on stage in musicals at local theatres. It is almost as if the distance of being up on stage allows her to express herself. We have the next performance on saturday!

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AlarmOnSnooze · 11/06/2014 22:13

kippersmum - drama/music/performing was recommended to us at diagnosis meeting, as a way for dd2 to try out and explore different roles and situations. Also useful for talking aorund a situation, and examining motive, consequence etc.

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CarrieGrant · 11/06/2014 22:13

@Rumours

My two boys are at opposite ends if the spectrum and sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled apart. How do you cope?


The sibling thing is a real challenge. Our biggest challenge has always been between dd1 with ADHD and Dyspraxia and dd2 with Aspergers and Dyscalculia. They both need parenting in such different ways and sometimes we look like the weirdest parents because our strategies only makes sense to us! Go easy on yourself, you can parent these kids OK but you'll need support and tools. CAMHs really helped me with those "pulled apart" feelings. What you are going through is hard but it comes and goes in seasons, the kids get breakthroughs so it will improve.
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peppajay · 11/06/2014 22:14

kippermum - my 6 yr old is performing mad. He cant stand football but constantly performs and makes up shows he does a dance group and really shines. People think kids with aspergers are supposed to be shy and withdrawn and yes he is sometimes in real life but give him so music and an audience and he loves it!!!

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Rumours · 11/06/2014 22:15

Thankyou Carrie, you so get it Smile

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CarrieGrant · 11/06/2014 22:15

I have sooooo enjoyed this. Thanks for chatting to me - it has also helped me! Now got to go and put some scallywags (who quite frankly are taking advantage of me doing this webchat) to bed!

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KateSMumsnet · 11/06/2014 22:16

@CarrieGrant

I have sooooo enjoyed this. Thanks for chatting to me - it has also helped me! Now got to go and put some scallywags (who quite frankly are taking advantage of me doing this webchat) to bed!


Thanks again Carrie! G'night!
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AlarmOnSnooze · 11/06/2014 22:17

Thanks Carrie, it was great of you to spend the time, and answer questions so fully.

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Nametherose · 11/06/2014 23:27

I write a blog via Mums Net on the joy and warmth of being mum to a teenage girl on the spectrum. //Www.nametheroseblog.com it's very hard but it's not always hell.

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kippersmum · 12/06/2014 00:02

Thank you Carrie, you have given me alot to think about with your informed comments. Thank you also to PP who posted their DC's also love performing & music, I think you have found a way to connect to AS children here Carrie :)

btw my DD way before diagnosis loved your show!

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CrystalSkulls · 12/06/2014 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mollyweasley · 12/06/2014 07:30

I am probably too late for the chat but I have been meaning to get in contact with the bbc to suggest a programme for children with characters who would have a neurological difference, showing how they cope, how they are affecting by their difficulties e.g sensory processing, how they see the world and what "super powers" might come with it (perhaps not aimed at pre-school as more children are diagnosed older). The Program could also make use of social stories. Do you think this is something that could happen?

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Rainbow50 · 08/01/2015 00:04

Hello all! This is my first time here. This is quite emotionally challenging! My autistic spectrum Dy Celebrated his 20th in the USA in Dec.... Cool and handsome. Great news is.. He travelled on his own.. All I asked for was special assistance from the airline! He is in the college.. Now He
Wants to move out , find a girlfriend and start a family!..... Just like that?
Totally confused

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Zoear · 15/06/2021 20:16

Hi I have found very difficult with my daughter in the spectrum to get the proper help she needs from the school and echp plan which she needs as is really struggling with autism and mental health isshues am finding it really tough at the moment with age and it is difficult to get help for girls or even at all now especially with the Covid suituation it’s like it’s made things a whole lot worse am sickof it having to fight for help instead of just getting it and that’s got one child could only imagine how hard it is for a few kid s it’s tough but goto keep going.

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