Shocked at how upset I am

[EnoughisEnough1204]

I had my third miscarriage in six months nearly six weeks ago. A really close of friend of mine has just had her baby and I am really suprised at how upset I am. My first would have been due next month and I am just so sick of being brave and trying to be positive. I love my friend dearly and am happy for her but it all just seems so unfair at the moment. I know that it is not helpful to think in terms of "should" but I would've been just about to go on maternity leave, instead I'm off to the recrurrent miscarriage clinic! I think I just wanted to let off steam and don't want to bother anyone else with it. This is such bloody hard work....

[Paperdolly]

💐just 💐💐💐💐x

[Kej13]

Letting off steam is good @EnoughisEnough1204! I'm 25 so I guess most of my friends don't have children/don't want any yet and my DH isn't a talker so it's really lonely! And it really isn't fair! I've learnt it's okay to feel angry and bitter as long as it doesn't take over your life (which it feels like it has sometimes!!) x

[EnoughisEnough1204]

unicornDust17 I am so sorry that you are going through this too.I am very lucky I have lots of support and my partner is being great this time around. First time was a completely different story, I think we were both so traumatised by what was happening that we turned on ourselves and each other. If you need someone to talk to please dm me. You are not on your own. X

[EnoughisEnough1204]

Thank you Kej13 that's really kind. That must be really tough for you. The same applies, I am available for ranting at any time! I should say to all of you I am so sorry for your losses. This really is the loneliest form of grief and it feels never bloody ending. It seems so childish but I just want to have a tantrum and scream "it's not fair!". However, at 40 years of age this may not be appropriate behaviour. I don't have any dc met my partner a bit later on and up until we started on this road had a lovely life, we still do but now it feels incomplete, the one thing that we really didn't want. It's amazing how quickly we went from thinking let's try for a baby and if it happens it happens to trying to be brave in epu waiting rooms and waiting for hospital referrals. Sorry, I'm letting off steam again!

[UnicornDust17]

I am so so sorry you are going through this I am also going through my third MC this year at the moment. I would have been due 5th Nov, my friend has just had her baby and I felt the same. I thought I was dealing with things OK, but I sobbed so much when I saw the picture. It should have been me and I just feel completely awful. You're right, it is such hard work. I hope you have lots of support around you. No one else knows apart from my DP but he doesn't have a clue. It's a very lonely experience.

[Kej13]

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I had an mmc in July at 12 weeks and been ttc ever since with no luck. My SIL has just had a baby so I know exactly how you feel. Feel free to message me if you ever need to rant x

[EnoughisEnough1204]

Thank you for your lovely responses. I think that I thought that I had prepared myself for this one as it is one the events/dates that has been looming and I was still shocked. I find it incredible the dark emotions that this experience brings up.

[steppemum]

sorry, my post shoudl say I had previously had m/cs, hence the worry through next pregnancy

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Oh OP. I only had one mc and it was chronic going back to work and suddenly this girl that I used to work with had a big bump and it melted my head. She looked a bit like me too, it really was like “look at what you could’ve won”. I lasted until 4pm in the office that day and then cried all the way home, up both the Victoria and Northern lines (and it’s not true that Londoners are unfriendly, folk were so nice).

It hits you like a brick when you least expect it but it’s all part of the healing. It’s still shit, and the anger...oh my god I had SUCH anger... but focusing on yourself and being kind to yourself will help you through.

I’m so sorry you’re having such a crap time, you’re not a bad friend or anything. You’re normal. Totally normal xx

[steppemum]

I think it is totally normal, and it sucks.

I remember my friend was pregnant at same time as me, but I had had miscarriages.
For me every second of that pregnancy I was on tenterhooks, expecting bad news, not daring to let myself believe it might be possible,
she, on the other hand, was enjoying every minute, in a glorious blossoming carefree way.
It seemed so unfair.

I have had 4 mc, and i now have 3 children. Hold on to your hope

[EnoughisEnough1204]

Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words. Will get through this afternoon at work then take myself home for a bath and a blub and then pick myself up again tomorrow!

[Dixeychick]

Poor you, that's rubbish. Don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling, it's completely understandable & anyone else would feel exactly the same. Be kind to yourself & hope the clinic gives you some good news & a way forwards x