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This board exists primarily for parents of LGBT children to swap support and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be supportive.

11 year old son says he's gay
2

diggadoo · 01/10/2020 19:07

sorry, I think I posted this in the wrong place initially


I want to start by saying I adore my children and their sexual orientation doesn't bother me in the slightest.

My 11 year old son has said he's gay. This isn't the first time he's said it. He said so when he was 9. Then he said that he wasn't. Then he didn't know. I told him that it was ok not to know, he's still quite young and things could change in the coming years. I told him some people never know and talked to him (age appropriately) about bisexuality and pansexuality. He seemed comforted to know he didn't have to pick a side and stick to it as it were.

Well, now he's said again that he is gay. He got home from school and I noticed he had drawn a little something his cheek and I, not noticing it for what it was without my glasses, asked what had happened to his cheek. He said "it's a pride flag." I said "oh, when did you draw that?" He said "Just now. When I went to get changed"
I said, "ok, why have you drawn it on your face though?" He replied because he is gay and then, very stroppy, went and got his scooter and said he was going out for a bit. There was utterly no judgement in my question, it just seemed an odd thing to do on a normal Thursday at home. Maybe he felt like he was being judged? Maybe he still doesn't know? Maybe he felt embarrassed by me questioning him like the child he is when he'd just said something that's probably huge to him.

I don't want to question him, but I also do! How do you know? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you like someone? Do your friends know?? I'm really worried he will be bullied for this, especially if he announces it at the very start of his secondary school journey! Kids can be cruel. I don't want him tortured for knowing or even exploring his options.

Parents whose kids came out as gay. Did they know? At a young age? And did they want to announce it to the wider world? I don't want him to feel he has to hide who he is but I also feel I need to caution him about how unkind the world can be about this. He's had a great childhood, got good friends and never really had trouble with anyone. It would crush him to meet some horrible bullying bigot.

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SentientAndCognisant · 01/10/2020 19:16

Direct experience of this,not as a parent though
kids came out as gay. Did they know? At a young age? yes, said always knew were gay

And did they want to announce it to the wider world? No,aware of prejudice & stigma. Knew all the derogatory names

I don't want him to feel he has to hide who he is but I also feel I need to caution him about how unkind the world can be about this. ⬅️ Yes you do need to reality check that there is prejudice & discrimination. It’s not right or fair but you to have to put it out there.

He's had a great childhood, got good friends and never really had trouble with anyone. It would crush him to meet some horrible bullying bigot. ⬅️ Yes at some point he’ll unfortunately met some git who’ll have issues and be a bully. You advise him how to deal with it,what support is available.

Full candid self disclosure never fully work. You’d not advise any kid gay or straight to over disclose .

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Standrewsschool · 02/10/2020 08:31

There’s a useful thread below about a dm who’s son announced he was gay, although at a later age (17 years).

Can you have a general and open conversation about it? Maybe refer to the face painting again, and then just say how you are there for him, can answer any questions, will support him etc, and end with a hug (if you’re a huggy family).

Kids are much more accepting than their parents generation.

Probably best to do it when other people aren’t around. Car journeys are particularly good as you’re in a neutral territory, but have a captured audience.

I had no idea about dc2. Wondered about dc1 (but the case is still open there). Nor had any idea about dniece.

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