Bi in a religious family

[misraz]

My sister has recently come out to me as bisexual. She's early teens and lives with my parents who are very religious.

I'm gay and moved out as soon as Uni came and haven't moved back since. My mother is dealing with the fact that I'm gay but is still something she will not discuss at all and secretly hopes that this will change not matter how many times I tell her it will not ... I'm almost 30 now and living with my partner ...

My sister has been self-harming and has anxiety and depression.
I have reassured her that I love her very much and am always there for her and she will always have a home. I visit around once a month so she's there alone quite a lot.

I'm obviously unable to tell my parents about her sexuality but also believe she is being bullied in school. She won't tell me whether she is being bullied but I would assume so. Not sure what to do as I know she feels much like I did when I was her age.

Any advice would be much appreciated? Should I ring the school and ask to speak to someone?

[mir82726]

Thanks for your messages. The school are providing support and counselling for her which is helping. I've spoken to DS and she seems to be doing better. Still not sure if she is being bullied but have told the school to keep a close eye on her.

[GeorgeDavidson]

I'm not sure what more you can do other than be there for here as much as you can. And perhaps talk top your parents about her? Let them know she's talking to you as well ( not mentioning the sexuality bit)

[Italiangreyhound]

If you were her mum I'd say get in touch with Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) for the anxiety and self harm.

As her big sister can you speak to your mum and address the mental health issues aside of being bi?

[Notyoungbutscrappyandhungry]

It won’t hurt to ring the school. Just explain you are an adult sister that DS has confided in and to let you know if they can suggest any ways to help or if she seems particularly struggling.
You could also speak to your parents without mentioning the sexuality and say you believe she is being bullied and could they give her extra TLC at home.

[mir82726]

Thanks for your reply.

She's receiving support in school for her depression and self harm. Teachers have also been told to keep a watchful eye on her as she only seems to self harm in school. I'm just waiting on what the school have to say about it as she is normally fine at home.

Regarding her coming out, I don't want to tell anyone in the family as that isn't my place and also it has its own stresses. I was more talking about whether I should let her tutor know this is what the situation is and tell them to keep it to themselves. Not sure if the school would though so unsure whether this is the best way to go..

[Standrewsschool]

Regarding her sexuality, maybe speak to her and take her lead. See whether she wants to come public yet. I don’t think it’s up to you to announce it until she is ready. As you are gay, she is probably using you as a sounding board and confidante.

[Standrewsschool]

Is anyone addressing her depression and self-harming? Maybe arrange an appointment with the school counsellor? And gp to address help with the depression.

Young Minds is a charity that provides a lot of help. And support for teens.

If you think she is being bullied, definantly speak to the school safeguarding lead.


Young minds