Having a bad day

[Bubblegum89]

Been ttc for 18 months (not as long as some, I know) We have unexplained secondary infertility. I am finding it hard to cope with this as a “diagnosis”. I can’t get my head around everything looking perfect yet still not being able to get pregnant. We were just told it would “most likely happen again because it’s happened before” and that there was nothing else the clinic could do for us.

Today, I watched a Facebook live video that was posted on a ttc group of a woman doing a pregnancy test JUST so I could remember what it felt like to see two lines appear. My cousin, who is a vile person, is pregnant after an accident with her on/off boyfriend. An old friend of mine, who slept with an ex on the night of her hen party and had an affair with someone she met on Twitter for her entire marriage, had a baby after not trying. A girl I know got pregnant with a guy she had only known for three weeks and who hadn’t even met her other kids yet. Someone else I know smoked through her entire pregnancy with all four of her easily conceived children. We work hard, do all the right things, we’re good people. Why is this happening to us?

I don’t have any hope any more. I had a bit this month as I had a HyCoSy last month and was told this can increase fertility. Af is due in a few days and I’m super moody and emotional so I know I’m out already. Everyone around me is getting pregnant on their first try or without evening trying. They haven’t got a clue what an opk is or when their fertile week is or what a SIS involves.

I’ve been trying to stay positive but sometimes it’s hard and I know when af shows up this weekend, I’m going to just break down. Anyway, I just needed a rant. Sending good vibes to all of you

[Bubblegum89]

Thanks himynameiss feeling particularly crappy tonight as yet another period has arrived. I actually almost felt a bit hopeful this month as I’d read so many stories about people conceiving the month after having a hsg/HyCoSy and I had one in Feb but I guess I’m not one of them people. Hugs to you

[himynameiss]

Oh Hun, I am sending magical baby dust your way. It’s so easy to envy everyone especially when it feels like everyone around you is getting pregnant and you aren’t. Have you tried acupuncture sessions? I have heard these can trigger pregnancy xoxo

[Bubblegum89]

Thanks colabottles I did ask at my last consultation if they would do a hysteroscopy and the consultant said it wasn’t necessary. The US they did with my SIS/HyCoSy was a 3D one so the images were much more accurate and he pointed out how the dye had filled my entire cavity with no patches or anomalies, pointed out a triple stripe lining and the dye flow through my tubes. He said that there was nothing there and so our options were keep trying or go for ivf privately. Huge congratulations on your pregnancy!! x

EarlGrey I meant that it was more frustrating than having a cause. If that makes sense. In a way I’m very glad there was no problem because then even ivf night not have been an option for me so I’m super grateful in that respect. But in terms of the not knowing. So instead of when my period shows up every month, being all “ffs stupid blocked up tubes/scar tissue/cysts” etc I’m just left thinking “why??? If there is nothing wrong then why???” I do realise that I’m very fortunate though as I still have options. I’m sorry to hear you have premature ovarian failure. A friend of mine has this. She was ttc for 3 years, the doctor said she had no chance and she was looking into her younger sister being an egg donor for her then one day she messaged me telling me she was pregnant (although I understand this isn’t a given for everyone!) I hope you get your bfp one day soon, to hell with the people who just sniff a penis and fall pregnant x

[EarlGreyT]

Stop hijacking this ladies thread with your homeopathy debate. Some people believe in it, others don’t.

I didn’t wish to hijack anyone’s thread, but it’s morally wrong that people pedal false hope and ineffective treatments to vulnerable and desperate people.

People can believe in homeopathy all they wish, but the facts are that there is no evidence it is effective. I am not disputing there may be a placebo effect, but anecdotes of “it worked for me” do not constitute any evidence of effect.

[EarlGreyT]

It sounds so silly but there are days when I wish there was something wrong with me because then I would be able to get it fixed

It doesn’t sound silly at all. I thought that once we were told what the problem was we’d be given a solution. I almost felt relieved when we were told we had male factor infertility as I thought that 1) explained why we were struggling with infertility and 2) could be overcome with ICSI. This part is true, but we were later told I also have diminished ovarian reserve and unfortunately there isn’t a solution for that or anything which can overcome that.

Infertility is totally shit whatever the cause, but unexplained infertility isn’t necessarily a worse thing than some of the explained causes. I’m not trying to suggest this is a who had it worst contest, but I’d take unexplained infertility over premature ovarian failure although given the choice i wouldn’t be here at all and would obviously like to be one of those people who just gets instaduffed.

[Colabottles64]

Stop hijacking this ladies thread with your homeopathy debate. Some people believe in it, others don’t. Either leave it there or go start your own thread to have your debate.


OP, I was in your shoes until December. 2 years trying, HSG clear, ovulating, have a daughter who is 3.5 and couldn’t seem to offer her a sibling. Hubby tests all fine. My nhs fertility consultant laid out the options: 1-keep trying and hope it will happen, 2-get ivf privately,3-have a laparoscopy with a six month wait to check more thoroughly.

I had the lap and he found some endo and cysts and removed them; they weren’t obvious from the ultrasounds or hsg but they were in there. The first cycle after the lap I conceived and I’m 15 weeks pregnant now.

secondary infertility is a shitty diagnosis as I know and there is possibly some thing underlying. Perhaps ask your consultant for any other options - sorry if you’ve done this already it’s just that we had so little hope of the lap making any difference but literally first attempt after it I was pregnant so I just feel it might give you an insight into something else to possibly try

Best of luck xxxx

[PurpleDaisies]

'Just water'. I'm sorry if you used it and it didn't work for you or you know nothing about it but just fundamentally believe that its bogus.

Would you like to see my medical degree?

[PurpleDaisies]

Read my post again - specifically the bits that say it does not work for everyone, not suggesting its a miracle cure but it might be worth researching etc? Maybe do that before you lose your shit at me?

What makes you think we haven’t “researched” it? If it worked it would be much cheaper than IVF so it why don’t you think anyone reputable offers it?

There are no scientific studies showing homeopathy works. Care you link to what you think is scientific evidence showing it does work?

[PurpleDaisies]

Thank you for your kind replies, ladies. It sounds so silly but there are days when I wish there was something wrong with me because then I would be able to get it fixed but instead there’s nothing wrong and I’m left kind of like, well what now?

That’s not silly at all, it’s how lots of us feel/felt. Ive even thought I’d rather be told “no, it definitely won’t happen for you” rather than this “it’s very unlikely” limbo that stops you from being able to properly move on. Hope is a bloody killer.

[Bubblegum89]

Thank you for your kind replies, ladies. It sounds so silly but there are days when I wish there was something wrong with me because then I would be able to get it fixed but instead there’s nothing wrong and I’m left kind of like, well what now? I just can’t get my head around the idea that everything is working as it should be and it still won’t happen. I’m ovulating regularly, my uterus has a “beautiful” lining, my tubes are patent and OH’s sperm is perfectly healthy. So I don’t know why it won’t happen. I hate not knowing things lol.

I feel like I’m not justified in the way I’m feeling because I have a 9 year old DD and there are so many women who have no children but as much as I love my daughter, my family isn’t complete and I’ve constantly got this empty feeling inside me. I try to do things I would struggle doing with a newborn like getting my hair done and going on weekends away with my OH and having lie ins (my daughter loves a lie in luckily!) but everything I do is just a plaster over a horrible wound that won’t go away.

It’s all just so shit. Wishing you all lots of luck in this crappy nightmare!

[Kitchenbound]

Read my post again - specifically the bits that say it does not work for everyone, not suggesting its a miracle cure but it might be worth researching etc? Maybe do that before you lose your shit at me?

There is NO CURE for my condition whether you use natural or modern medicine. And as the op doesnt have (hasn't stated) that she has it why are you all up in arms about it?

There is actually scientific evidence to support homeopathy and natural therapies. 'Just water'. I'm sorry if you used it and it didn't work for you or you know nothing about it but just fundamentally believe that its bogus.

OP - I was not suggesting that this is the answer to your problem and I apologise if you understood it that way. I hope you find something that helps ☺

[EarlGreyT]

Homeopathy for me kicked my body into producing hormones its never produced before.

As purple says, no it didn’t. There is absolutely no evidence that homeopathy is effective. If your hormone levels changed or you became pregnant after using homeopathy, that’s a complete coincidence.

[PurpleDaisies]

*Homeopathy for me kicked my body into producing hormones its never produced before.
Homeopathy is just water. It’s cruel to recommend unscientific bullshit like this to people in such difficult situations.

op sorry you’re in this position. It’s rubbish and the baby bombs are awful. Have you considered counselling to help you deal with where you are?

[justanotheruser18]

It's so unfair. I remember when everyone's positive pregnancy test felt like a punch in the gut. Maybe take a break from social media. I had to when it got too much.

[Kitchenbound]

Sending good vibes right back you poor thing! I know exactly how you're feeling - like the whole world is getting pregnant except you! I really dont know much about your condition but please dont lose hope. I just posted on another thread with a lady unable to conceive and will tell you the same thing - homeopathy was the key to my fertility. I have severe pcos and endometriosis and was told as a teen that I was infertile and basically just don't even bother trying. I've had more tests and examinations than i care to remember (by 20 years old i had the attitude of well everyone else has been all up in my business why not have another exam?😒). Homeopathy for me kicked my body into producing hormones its never produced before. It works with your lifestyle diet etc and is non invasive (bonus!) and got me where i wanted to be. It will not work for everyone! I'm not suggesting that natural therapies are some miracle cure but it's also something most drs will not recommend because it flies in the face of modern medicine. If you're at the point where you're giving up and just so over it it maybe worth at least researching. Stay strong sweetheart xx