Feeling sad

[blinkyfink]

....And probably just sorry for myself really. I guess I'm just after a bit of support and encouragement.

We've had an explained infertility for 3 years. In that time we've had a successful Ivf pregnancy. I KNOW how lucky we have been and I really don't want to come across as ungrateful, things could be much worse I know.

We said we'd try again naturally for 6 months, now into the fifth month. I stupidly had a tiny bit of hope that just maybe we'd get lucky. But now I know we're going to have ivf again and I just feel sad. It's pathetic really. I thought I'd be able to deal with it better this time but the same worries that it won't work etc are as strong as they were. I'm 39 and I feel really panicky about the time running out.

My sil has just told us she's pregnant at 40. Of course I'm really happy for them but I can't help but feel sad that we have to struggle so much with this. I'm being really negative at the moment and can't seem to pick myself up.

Sorry for being so glum!

[blinkyfink]

I think we're going to start in another month or two. I'd be ok about it if someone was able to say this will definitely work even if it means doing 3 rounds.

[Chattycat78]

Whoops! .... Are you booked in for another ivf round or just thinking about it? I also get the "running out of time" thing- I'm 36 but with the low egg reserve I suspect I've not got long left to conceive at all.

[Chattycat78]

Well the current plan is to try naturally for a while and then perhaps pay to go ivf again. However, I must say that I'm not hugely keen to get on the ivf bandwagon again, and ivf doesn't (apparently) work very well for me anyway as I have low egg reserve so don't produce many eggs.

I know what you mean about feelings of low self worth being self imposed - I think that's probably the case- but it doesn't make me feel much better when I feel low about it.
What about you? Are u booked

[blinkyfink]

Thank you for the empathy ladies! It definitely helps to vent. I'm sure you're right Heyarnold that it's just a bad day. I hope to be more positive and try and remember all the good stuff we've got, but it's hard sometimes. Especially when no one else knows about our struggle (I'm not very good at confiding in friends...I did tell one friend once when we first starting having problems and she reacted very weirdly - not ever referring to it ever again). So it does help talking on here. I hope you're feeling a bit better, or if not that you will tomorrow.

Chattycat, I know exactly what you mean about feeling like your value might stay low. I've definitely felt like that. As though somehow I would be failing my partner and his family. On a good day I wonder if a lot of those feelings are Self imposed though. Your mil might have those attitudes, but I'm sure the pressure of thinking that only makes that sense even bigger. I'm sure if you were to ever ask your mil about it (not that you would!) she would be really sympathetic to your situation. I just think that people who have never had to deal with fertility issues just don't 'get it'. I'm sorry your in the same boat. It really is shitty. Do you have a plan in place for ttc #2?

[Chattycat78]

Hi - yeah I'm hearing this too! We had a successful ivf pregnancy and I know we were mega lucky too. However, I really would like another and we are about to ttc again. Stupidly I feel hopeful that we might manage it naturally this time, but I'm VERY worried about my own optimism for when I come crashing down later on!! At the same time, my SIL who already has 2 kids, recently got married. Her and her new husband announced recently that they want another baby, so of course I am now on tenterhooks waiting for the announcement which is bound to come instantly! When their new baby comes along, they will have 5 kids between them. My MIL is super excited about the prospect of them having another baby, and (as much as I love her) she is one of those women who thinks that your value as a woman increases the more children you have. In other words- my value may likely stay very low, especially if I can't give her son another baby!

[heyarnold19]

Ah blinky, it really is heartbreaking isn't it. I thought I would respond as I am having a really tough day today too and some times you really do just need to vent. Its the announcements from practically everyone that make it so hard - you hit the nail on the head by saying that you're happy for them but feel sad that you have to struggle. That is exactly how I feel too!

If you're anything like me, today is just a bad day and you will no doubt feel better about things in a day or two. I know that is no consolation right now but you will start to feel better. I was in floods of tears last night after AF showed up again and felt really stupid for thinking that this month could be the one, but I am trying to make myself focus on other things to get through this. Healthy eating and exercise are my new goals and at least if that doesn't work in terms of conceiving, then at least I will be a bit healthier!

Good luck and feel free to vent your frustrations some more. Sometimes it just feels like there is no where else to let it all out!