DH genuinely and absolutely is one of the "good" ones. During our time together I have been the main breadwinner, he has been the SAHP and now works part time around the DC. He does the bulk of day to day domestic chores (although not as high a percentage as he thinks he does! , partly because he honestly doesn't seem to consider me cooking dinner and doing all meal planning and shopping a "chore" for me....because I like cooking?). He has also put the work in to think about attitudes he didn't even realise he was carrying around etc. Every single one of my friends thinks I am the luckiest woman alive because of the way he is and his contribution.
But I'm so tired of the deep seated assumption of superiority and control that comes from 1000s of years of white men being in charge. I admire him for the work he's done and is doing to overcome it but it still gets me down. Not least because what I experience is just the tip of the iceberg. And how is anything ever going to bloody change if even men like DH still haven't really changed?
I started typing up two long examples but it was too boring even for me. So in summary, today's examples are 1. DH's work is part time, adhoc/self employed and a fraction of mine ito earnings and yet I have to specifically ask him to take time to look after DC for half term/holidays etc. It just doesn't even cross his mind that he might have to cancel or rearrange something because I am WFH so he just assumes I can do it.
And secondly, his default assumption is that he must be accommodated. He's changed his plans this afternoon and will be at home but had a go at me because he's not happy about the plans I have made to manage the childcare while I am working today because it's now going to negatively impact his new decision to be at home this afternoon!? WTAF?
He has apologised for the latter and I'm working on the former. But god, it's tiring isn't it?
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Its the deep-seated, inbred misogyny, even with the "good guys" that gets me down
41 replies
Triffid1 · 22/10/2021 09:40
OP posts:
BobCatBob ·
23/10/2021 00:00
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