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To be pissed off with DS’s school (long post sorry!)

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:39:51 +0000

I’m really pissed off with DS’s school and not sure if I’m being unreasonable or whether I need to calm down before I make things worse for him. DS is 12 and in year 7. He has dyslexia and quite significant problems with his working memory which were picked up during an assessment last year. He’s always struggled with school and remembering instructions, getting written work done etc. He’s not a child who never does anything wrong and I know he can talk when he shouldnt but there’s a bit more to it than that. On Friday he came home and told me he’d spent the whole day in isolation. I had absolutely no idea this was happening and was quite shocked as I thought something serious must have happened for him to be put in there all day. Apparently it was because he’d had 3 detentions in a day. I’d had a message from school about a detention so rang them on Friday morning to ask what it was for as I assumed it was for being late earlier in the week. He’d had an orthodontist appointment and I’d completely forgotten to let the school know beforehand, so I accept that was my fault. I dropped him off late with a note explaining why and when I rang the school they agreed to cancel that detention. The message I’d received only mentioned one detention so I had no idea there were another 2 involved as well. The other 2 were apparently for talking in 2 different lessons. DS says he was telling other pupils to stop talking to him and that he got the detention for talking back, although obviously I wasnt there so I can only go on what he’s told me. I know he’s not always an angel in class but I do think there’s a difference between deliberately disrupting a lesson and getting into trouble when he’s already struggling to manage what’s going on around him. What has really annoyed me is finding out he was put in isolation without anyone contacting me, particularly when one of the detentions had actually been cancelled. The school say the decision had already been made based on the number he’d received and the Head of Year apparently wasnt aware that the other detention had been cancelled when she made the decision. I rang again this morning and asked to speak to the Head of Year. She told me DS has one of the highest numbers of detentions in the year, which was news to me. Apparently I should have been called in for a meeting about this before now but nobody has contacted me about it. I knew he’d had some detentions for not doing homework and was dealing with that at home, but I wasnt aware it had got to this point. The reason I’m particularly upset is that school know about his difficulties. He was assessed last year after years of struggling and the report explains the problems he has with memory and processing instructions. His primary school were very quick to label him naughty and lazy and it took a long time to get anyone to look properly at why he was struggling. I was determined that secondary school would be different so I contacted the SENCO before he even started there. I had a meeting with the SENCO early in the term and we discussed putting him into a smaller teaching group for some lessons because he was finding the work difficult. They also said he’d attend a supported homework club after school as he was refusing to do some of the homework because he didnt understand it. I was happy with both of these things and thought they were being put in place. DS has since told me he isnt in the smaller group and hasnt been going to the homework club either. I emailed the SENCO last week to ask when this was starting and only got a reply today saying the smaller group wouldnt be available until later in the term. Nobody had told me this before and I’d been under the impression that the extra support was being sorted. When I raised this with the Head of Year she said the school has expectations about behaviour and DS still has to follow the rules. I agree with that! I’m not saying he should be allowed to do whatever he wants because he has dyslexia. But I dont understand how they’re making decisions about his behaviour without seeming to consider the difficulties we’ve already discussed with them, or why I’ve had to chase up support that was supposed to be happening. The conversation got quite defensive and I felt like she was trying to make it all about his number of detentions rather than answer my questions about the isolation and the support. I asked to speak to the deputy head and have now got a meeting arranged for tomorrow. I’m worried I’ve made an enemy of the Head of Year now and that DS will end up getting watched even more closely because I’ve complained. At the same time I’m really cross that he’s been punished like this and I’m only finding out afterwards, when the school have known for weeks that he needs some extra help. I dont want to be the parent who blames the school for everything and I do expect him to behave himself, but I also dont want him going through the same thing he did at primary school where he was constantly in trouble and his confidence got worse and worse. Am I being unreasonable to be this angry about it? And what would you actually raise with the deputy head tomorrow? I want to get somewhere with the school rather than just have an argument, but at the moment I feel like I’m going round in circles.

Has anyone used a phone lock to manage their screen time?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:36:09 +0000

Something like this? [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rppiup-Phone-Lock-Box-Timer/dp/B0F6SYTM5Y/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?crid=12DWJ2B2182RE&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Xv1W6-gLdBC_M-5sW_jPfTvd0PHvqfcQQeoAgj4TGoq7h6h8BkzwOrvO9cf5QHtv.9XwcnvxkgDwOKny49J35uZIt3BOjDx0WIO1ZbkUyV1o&dib_tag=se&keywords=phone+lock+box&qid=1792405200&sprefix=phone+lock+box%2Caps%2C204&sr=8-9 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rppiup-Phone-Lock-Box-Timer/dp/B0F6SYTM5Y/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?crid=12DWJ2B2182RE&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Xv1W6-gLdBC_M-5sW_jPfTvd0PHvqfcQQeoAgj4TGoq7h6h8BkzwOrvO9cf5QHtv.9XwcnvxkgDwOKny49J35uZIt3BOjDx0WIO1ZbkUyV1o&dib_tag=se&keywords=phone+lock+box&qid=1792405200&sprefix=phone+lock+box%2Caps%2C204&sr=8-9]] There are others at various price points. I strongly suspect I have ADHD, but it could be straightforward too much phone. Any success stories?

Today’s attack on MP Helen Haines

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:35:06 +0000

It is being reported she was struck intentionally outside her office and has been critically injured. [[https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-10-19/live-blog-victoria-indi-mp-helen-haines-injured-wangaratta/107285046?utm_source=abc_news_app&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_campaign=abc_news_app&utm_content=link ABC reporting here]] I hope it’s not an act of political violence but I fear that it might be.

To think that M&S are taking the mickey?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:29:58 +0000

Waiting to collect someone from an appointment and have nipped into m&s cafe for a quick coffee while waiting. They have relabelled all their scones as "giant" scones - they're exactly the same size they always were, and where I live, they're definitely on the small side compared to the independent cafes! AIBU to ask them what the difference is between their old scones and the giant ones (NB there are no non-giant ones on offer)?

Baby Shower Hamper - Help!

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:28:50 +0000

I'm putting together a small hamper for a friend who's having a baby. It's to be given at a baby shower ---- I want to mostly give stuff for the mother with a couple of things for the baby when it arrives. I don't have children and have zero interest in them. What could I put in the hamper? Any thoughts appreciated, thanks.

Struggling to Manage Your Coursework?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:27:36 +0000

College is always hectic when assignments and deadlines coincide. Effective research and citations will help you cope with college coursework. If you have difficulties with technical subjects, IT coursework help will assist you in comprehending complicated concepts and efficiently structuring your coursework. Those students who are looking for “pay someone to do my coursework” will find what they need in reliable academic assistance and will be guided by your university policies. Find more information at https://writemycoursework.co.uk/.

Do you have a favourite tree?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:27:01 +0000

I love the tree just across the street from us in a park. It's a massive beech tree - must be a hundred years old at least. It's changing colour know and when the sun catches it in the evening it is glorious. Once the leaves are gone we get a nice view of the rather lovely houses across the park all lit up at night. In the spring the fresh green growth glows in the morning. We've been here 6 years and it's one of my favourite things about moving. I find trees very grounding. And I've planted way too many in my small garden!

What would you do? No sex but he's masturbating?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:19:44 +0000

New boyfriend, age 45, I'm 38. It's 3 months in and he can't get an erection. He says it isn't me, it's him. This has happened a few times. He does have some health issues that could be contributing to it, however. But there's another however. I've been snooping on his Facebook and Instagram. He won't add me on there, he has my FB page. I didn't care as he said he wasn't a big user. Newsflash... he's following loads of random attractive women. On FB and Instagram and then linking to their YouTube videos as well. They have a specific "look" that I don't. I've asked him about it and he says I have nothing to worry about, they mean nothing, that he has been single for ages and he just likes that look. He was really ashamed and embarrassed. He said he would do something about it. Three weeks later and he has added new women. I need to leave, don't I?

Where can I get help please?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:11:48 +0000

I am struggling deeply with grief and I don't know how to move forward with it. I am 38, with an almost 12 year old with additional needs and a 16 year old. I have been on my own with them for 10 years, I have dated, but no-one I have introduced to the boys. In this time I got a degree, then a masters and now work full time. I am largely estranged from my family as they have been unsafe, I try to have a relationship with my mother but I find it difficult, she has never really helped me with the boys bar a few occasions. I have a granny who is in her nineties and I adore, although she is incapacitated now. The boys are really my only family, my eldest is doing what teens generally do and separating from me, seeing friends more and being grumpy, my youngest is an absolute joy, he really is the best. I have a few friends I have known for years and we see each other when we can but life is busy. Their Dad has been a classic EOW, but is spending less time now. I am deeply, deeply sad. After having my youngest I was admitted to a mother and baby unit for post natal, and even then, I dont remember feeling so deeply sad. My LL told me she was selling our home of 9 years 3 years ago and I have never really recovered. It has triggered an immense amount of grief. I have told a few people but not really the extent of it, I feel a fraud. I cannot move on from the boys growing up. I can't get through a day without crying, more often I cry multiple times a day. I miss them being small so intensely. I miss picking them up, holding them, hearing them call me Mummy, our little routines and all the adventures we had. I miss the children they were and the life we had together. I know they are still here, and I love watching them grow, but I find myself grieving the fact that those years are gone and can never be repeated It is having a significant impact on me, I thought it would go away, and it does go through stages of being easier, but the waves of it are getting worse I think. Obviously I still take my youngest on days out, but when were out I'm acutely aware that this too will be gone very soon, and i will go to the loo and cry. Additionally, because we left our old house, we were homeless, and i ended up buying a house we all dislike, in an area we don't know, which means almost 2 hours out of my day are spent doing school runs. I have done a lot to the house and I really want to sell, but i don't know if the house will sell. I have no real life, I'm working or driving, there is no time. I feel so unattractive now, I have lost hope, and just feel I will continue to feel worse. I am exhausted and ready to close this chapter, but I just don't know where to start. Any help would be massively appreciated.

Canned tuna recipes

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:11:42 +0000

I’m looking for some ideas for recipes that I can use canned tuna for please. We already make tuna pasta bake regularly so ideally nothing like that. Years ago I used to make tuna quiche and fish cakes but the recipes I’ve tried recently don’t taste quite how I remember them.

Did Getting A Diagnosis Help?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:09:20 +0000

Totally lost. Likely multiple mental health issues including low mood and anxiety. CPTSD diagnosed for which I am receiving EMDR. Possible Neurodivergence. Menopausal. HRT takes the edge off but doesn't make things better. Children now at school/getting older. I feel completely lost. I don't like being alone. Would getting a diagnosis help? The NHS have not helped me. No access to support. I've got some funds to pay privately, would it actually help to receive a psychiatric assessment. Medication not a cure all. I've been on a loop of antidepressants in the past. Motivation so poor. Can't keep the momentum to swim/gym/walk/volunteer. Anyone?

Birthday gift ideas for a new friend that is low demand

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:05:29 +0000

It’s my friend’s birthday next week and I’d like to get her a thoughtful gift that doesn’t require anything of her. I haven’t known her very long and we met through our dc. She is a single mum with very, very little time to herself and never treats herself. I’ve discounted flowers or a plant because these require her to look after them. I’d be very grateful for any ideas. I did think of a voucher for somewhere but not sure where. I’m looking around the £20 mark. TIA.

I can post again

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 10:01:29 +0000

After months of only being able to use mumsnet in sitestuff or read only in private browsing (safari), my iPhone updated last night and I’m back! I know it will only last until the next rogue cookie from an advert gets dumped onto my phone, but I’ll enjoy it for now. I do wonder how much this issue is reducing the site traffic and posting overall though?

Skincare for very spotty 15yo

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:59:32 +0000

DS’s face has been getting worse recently and I’ve now noticed he’s got pimples on his back / shoulders too. What would people recommend we buy him? I’ve previously bought Roche Possay, is that still highly recommended or is there something better? I don’t mind spending money on something that is know to be effective.

Sall Grover interviewed on Irish radio station

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:55:19 +0000

I thought this deserved its own thread, as anyone familiar with Irish media will know that having someone like Sall on a mainstream radio programme in Ireland is pretty unheard of. She was great. [[https://open.spotify.com/episode/7rumi3SgdLFtItB9yOeIg7?si=OUS2w7QtSw2I5rahW9EK0A https://open.spotify.com/episode/7rumi3SgdLFtItB9yOeIg7?si=OUS2w7QtSw2I5rahW9EK0A&utm_source=copy-link]]

Hyperemesis gravidarum

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:55:16 +0000

Hi everyone, I am new to this chat, I just want advise and tips or even people’s experiences if they have been or going through the same as me. I am 13 weeks and was diagnosed with HG since 6 weeks, I constantly feel sick and I feel like a shadow of who I used to be. I couldn’t be happier to grow my baby but dealing with this mentally really takes a toll on you over time. I am on cyclizine and prochlorperazine but to be honest they only help a little bit. I just want to know I’m not alone as this is a very isolating experience to go through especially when people say I had “morning sickness too” when people who do not know anything about HG I literally want to scream.

What is GLP-5 GLT for weight loss?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:55:06 +0000

[[https://theglp5glt.com/ GLP-5 GLT]]is a product marketed for weight management that may attract the attention of people looking for ways to support their fitness goals and develop healthier daily habits. Managing body weight can be challenging, particularly when busy schedules, inconsistent eating patterns, stress, and limited physical activity make it difficult to maintain a balanced routine. Many people therefore explore different products and approaches that may complement their weight management efforts. Before choosing GLP-5 GLT, it is important to understand the product, review its ingredients, and determine whether it is appropriate for individual needs. The name alone does not establish its formulation, effectiveness, or safety, so consumers should carefully examine the manufacturer’s information and avoid relying on unverified claims. Successful weight management generally involves creating sustainable habits rather than expecting immediate results from a single product. A balanced eating plan that includes vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean protein sources, and healthy fats can help provide essential nutrients and support overall well-being. Paying attention to portion sizes and eating regular, satisfying meals may also help people manage their daily food intake. Drinking sufficient water and limiting excessive consumption of highly processed foods and sugary beverages can further support healthier eating patterns. Regular physical activity is another important part of a comprehensive weight management plan. Activities such as walking, cycling, swimming, strength training, or other enjoyable forms of exercise can help improve fitness and contribute to energy balance. Choosing activities that fit personal preferences and physical abilities makes it easier to maintain consistency over time. Adequate sleep and stress management also deserve attention because daily routines can influence appetite, energy levels, and motivation. People interested in GLP-5 GLT should investigate its exact ingredients, intended use, recommended dosage, and any available evidence supporting its advertised benefits. It is especially important not to assume that a product contains a particular active ingredient or works like a prescription weight loss medication simply because its name includes the letters GLP. Products marketed for weight management can differ considerably in their composition, quality, and effects. Anyone considering GLP-5 GLT should consult a qualified healthcare professional, particularly if they have an existing medical condition, take prescription medication, or have previously experienced adverse reactions to supplements. Pregnant or breastfeeding individuals should seek professional advice before using weight management products. Consumers should follow the product label and never exceed the recommended serving. They should also be cautious of advertisements promising rapid weight loss, guaranteed outcomes, or results without dietary and lifestyle changes. A realistic approach focuses on gradual progress, consistent habits, and individual health needs. Ultimately, GLP-5 GLT should be evaluated through reliable product information rather than marketing promises. Combining informed decisions with balanced nutrition, regular movement, sufficient rest, and appropriate professional guidance offers a more responsible foundation for long-term weight management and overall wellness.[[https://theglp5glt.com/ https://theglp5glt.com/]]

How does 50:50 custody work when the reason I want to leave is his shit parenting?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:39:05 +0000

As per title. Kids 14&13. DH has ADHD and is not a natural parent. A parenting course when the children were small helped (he learned that children do better with praise than criticism), but we have hit the teen years and it’s all falling apart. His expectation for the children is off the scale and they live under a cloud of almost constant criticism. By way of example DD came home from school last week and said ‘guess who got 86% in their maths test’ and he replied ‘I hope not you’. DS is having an increasing number of meltdowns over tiny stuff because it’s what he sees. It’s all learned behaviour. I am at my wits end trying to keep the peace and keep the house calm. DH is refusing to attend further parenting classes or go to counselling with me. He has said previously if we split he wants 50% custody. At least if I’m in the same house I can protect them, but I’ve got to the point where I now feel I’m complicit. Complicated further by the fact that DH works away 3.5 days a week, but has said if we split he’ll change jobs and live locally so he has his 50%. Comment made by DB was ‘why would he want them 50% of the time if you split when he barely acknowledges them 5% of the time now?’. realistically how much time is he likely to get, or am I just better staying to protect them as best I can?

To ask for stories about unreasonable ex wives?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:35:43 +0000

Hopefully I won’t get absolutely flamed for this 🤣 I’m an ex wife / have been a single mum myself. recently started seeing someone who also has kids and it seems very much like his ex weaponises the children against him / blocks contact on a whim. I have to admit until I met him I didn’t believe this really happened. I’ve always encouraged my ex to have our children as much as possible but I have the opposite problem in that he isn’t interested in having them more than EOW. So, I am skeptical, but realise perhaps I am being a bit narrow minded, interested in hearing from women who have stories about difficult exes who stop contact or are difficult about access to the children?

Screens in schools

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:33:34 +0000

Can I ask how people manage this? My daughter is young primary school age and they have started to use apps for homework and apps for competitions between each other (reading quizzes and maths etc.) We aren't completely screen free at home but do try to be intentional and haven't introduced any handheld devices, many of my daughter's friends seem to be getting tablets now with the understanding that this is for homework but we made a decision early to delay smart devices and this seems much easier if they just aren't available at home. How do people feel about screens in schools? I know a lot of professionals are campaigning against this currently. Has anyone chosen to request paper homework and ignored the apps? Do you have family devices and if so how are these managed? I'd love to know

10 minutes longer on the bus / 30 minutes earlier out the door. Crazy or ok?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:30:22 +0000

Would you consider 10 minutes longer on a bus / 30 minutes earlier start to the day an issue when looking at senior schools? DC will be 'commuting' to a secondary school a 35-40 minute bus journey away. However, we are considering going for a grammar school that is a 45 minute journey on the timetable, but longer if it gets stuck in traffic. On paper I am not sure sitting on a bus for 10 minutes longer sounds like a bother. You're on a bus, anyway. However the grammar school bus leaves 30 minutes earlier in the morning. School A is a very small standard state secondary that we know is 'nice'. School B the grammar is a lot larger and comes with a lot more opportunities. Unfortunately our local school is not an option.

Friends reverse snobbery is wearing

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:26:58 +0000

I have a friend I see regularly & lately her reverse snobbery & comments have been so wearing I don't even want to meet her for coffee , she is much worse after alcohol. So basically she grew up in a nice working class area & family, she has since moved to a nicer area & is hell bent on her dc networking with the more affluent families. From what I gather her approach is off putting & results in her calling them snobs. After a few drinks she starts putting down other families & speculating on how much money they have, the source of it & saying wouldn't let my kids play with them etc.. It is all extremely wearing, I can't understand why she has such an inferiority complex & her need to be accepted by those she deems acceptable is destroying potential friendships for her dc.. Aibu to want to avoid?

I would feel better if people told me they didn't like me rather than try to hide it

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:23:41 +0000

1. Am autistic so hard time understanding people anyway 1. UK indirect culture doesn't help 1. If someone didn't like me for whatever reason, I would be ok with it 1. Cos I don't like everyone so why would i expect the same for others?

FIL going wandering

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:21:13 +0000

FIL is in the process of being assessed for dementia, and is living in his own home with carers coming in 4 times a day, as well as a district nurse once a day. This is all fairly recent since suffering a series of health issues earlier this year including repeated UTIs and several hospital admissions. He wants to remain in his home and Adult and Social Care are doing what they can to facilitate this. He has not found this easy, which is understandable, and has been resisting every intervention. He's always been a difficult person, but this is now manifesting in unpleasant ways, like deliberately emptying his catheter bag onto the (carpeted) floor, or taking off an incontinence pad that he has had a shit in and just leaving it where it is, saying the carers can deal with it. He has done this in front of visitors. The carers do deal with it, but they have to do this in the time they have available, which means they have to rush to get the essentials done. The few friends he had have stopped visiting. DH has power of attorney, so he can make decisions, but cannot overrule his DF. They have never had an easy relationship, and FIL is unpleasant to DH, and will accuse him of controlling him, and ordering him about. The latest problem is that FIL has started wandering off. Previously this wasn't such an issue as he wasn't physically well enough to go anywhere beyond his immediate neighbours. But twice in the last few days he has been missing when the carers have arrived and the police have had to be called. He has been found both times and has luckily not been hurt. But he lives in a rural area with no streetlighting or pavements and especially now the days are getting shorter and darker, the risk of him coming to serious harm are more likely. Although he is apologetic to the police for putting them to any trouble, he still takes the attitude that he can do what he wants and people shouldn't try and stop him. There is no way he would agree to any sort of tag or tracking device. He already refuses to wear his help button or use his mobile phone. Adult and social care are looking at options for paying people to take him out, so he doesn't feel so stuck indoors. The carers say they can't lock him in, which we understand. What are the other options for keeping him safe if he is unwilling to cooperate?

Guest Post: "I lost years of my life because I wasn’t listened to sooner"

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:19:34 +0000

At 36, my life began changing in unexplainable ways. Hot flushes, brain fog, and extreme sensory overload all became part of my daily life. I couldn’t understand how I’d functioned fine my whole life until now. My emotions were all over the place – one minute I’d be intensely up and the next I’d be down. Meanwhile my brain felt like it was barely functioning, so much so that one night I went to eat dinner and forgot which hand I held my fork in. My mind was constantly racing but I couldn’t focus, and I struggled to socialise or manage tasks that I’d previously been fine with. Not long before all this started, I had received a late diagnosis of autism and ADHD, which I was processing, but I knew these symptoms were something else. My life was falling apart...I left my job, my relationships were breaking down, and I could barely run my household anymore. All the while, I had no clue why this was happening. Looking for answers, I began doing my own research and found the Menopause Charity Checklist. I took my results to the GP, but they told me that I was too young to be experiencing perimenopause and sent me on my way. I knew that this was perimenopause though. For more than a year I went back to the doctors, trying to get them to believe that I was perimenopausal and to give me the support I needed. Every person I spoke to dismissed me because of my age. I had no coping mechanisms during this time and my life continued to crumble around me. Eventually, one of the doctors agreed to test my hormone levels, and when the results came back, they finally listened to me. I was prescribed hormone replacement therapy (HRT) at a low dose but asked to be referred to gynaecology because I already knew I needed a higher dose. At no point did any of the medical professionals I saw make the connection between my AuDHD and perimenopausal symptoms, despite evidence that neurodiverse women can experience perimenopause earlier. The link between neurodiversity and perimenopause was the missing piece of the puzzle in my case, but nobody made the connection. It left me feeling as though people thought I was making it up and like I was trying to wreck my own life on purpose, when in reality, this was something I had no control over. There is such a disconnect between services and it can mean neurodiverse women are not offered the support they need, which as my story shows, can be detrimental to every aspect of our lives. There is also little information readily available about perimenopause and neurodiversity, especially that it can happen at a younger age and that the severity of symptoms can be worse, so even women like me who look for help couldn’t find it. For me, things have improved. Understanding why this is happening means that if something flares up, I can map out my symptoms and adjust as needed. But the reality is, I lost years of my life because I wasn’t listened to sooner. If the GPs I went to understood that there are links between neurodiversity and perimenopause, I could have been supported earlier, and I wouldn’t be having to rebuild my whole life now. I still find managing Autism, ADHD, and perimenopause hard, but I am working on it. ^Got questions about perimenopause? Wellbeing of Women’s free webinar, ‘The truth about perimenopause: your questions answered’, takes place on 28 October. It’s open to everyone and will be recorded if you can’t join live. [[https://www.wellbeingofwomen.org.uk/events/the-truth-about-perimenopause-your-questions-answered/ Find out more and register here]].^

Childcare funding help - £100k threshold

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:17:01 +0000

I firstly want to acknowledge that I know I am in a very privileged position, and I probably should have thought about this more before returning from mat leave, but… mum brain! Name change for this, I earn £110k base plus £30k commission (which is obviously dependent on sales) and need help with the 30 hours free childcare funding. I started back at work in May, and we received funding from September as I’m putting money into my pension via work (salary sacrifice). However, that isn’t enough, so I need to put more into my SIP to bridge the gap and get my adjusted net income below £99k. I need to put £40k into my pension. £12k goes into my workplace pension via salary sacrifice, so I need to put another £32k into my SIP. Obviously, my bonus/commission is taxed at source, and I don’t receive the full amount in my bank account. I’ve realised I’ll only be able to save around £16k, meaning I’m £16k short because the rest has gone to the taxman. How do people manage this? I don’t have enough savings, as they were used during my mat leave, and I can’t put any more into my workplace pension. I don’t think I can actually get below £99k, which is frustrating. Will I need to pay back the funded childcare hours and Tax-Free Childcare from this term? I gave them verbal confirmation, and I genuinely thought I’d be able to make it work. As I said, I understand this is a very privileged conundrum. I just want to get ahead of it, as my childcare costs will go from £800 a month to £2,100 a month. (Blooming London!) Does anyone have any experience with this? Thank you!

People on loud FaceTime in nice restaurant

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:14:45 +0000

We were out for a nice meal last night in a fairly decent restaurant. Halfway through the meal we could hear the horrendous echoing noise of a loud FaceTime call! We look over to the offending table, it’s a table of 4, two couples all in their 50’s. One of the females holding out the phone in front of her and having this loud awful conversation. It went on for ages at one point I nearly went over to ask them to turn it down, but other half said just leave it. I did make eye contact with one of the men and gave him a ‘come on ffs’ face. Why do people do this? No self awareness and so rude!!

Mary-Ann Stephenson, Chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC), to be on Woman's Hour shortly

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:12:25 +0000

Nuala McGovern even mentioned the unmentionable subject that WH always tried to swerve so I'm looking forward to hearing Nuala's sad voice.

Car struggled to start this morning - have I drained my battery (again)

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:12:05 +0000

As per my username I do experience heighted anxiety when it comes to cars having had really crap past experiences with cars garages and obviously then money spent rectifying things! My current car is a Nissan Qashqai 2023 plate, bought in feb 2025. lovely car, am happy , its got low miles and I took out the extra extended warranty for peace of mind. it went to Nissan in March 2026 for a recall (a grommet fitted to secure the fuel line?) and they gave me a free health check. upon result of this health check it needed a new battery as the old one was not holding charge. if relevant it is a 1.3 or 1.5 (cant remember which) petrol mild hybrid. so my battery was changed(the normal battery). so all fine. THIS morning, I jumped in the car, drove my 3 miles to my childs school. jumped back in the car drove my 2 miles to petrol station on my way to work. when i filled up and got back in the car however, it was struggling to start, just ticking over. i turned it off, and started again and it started first time. so this is relevant, my driving i do alot of small journeys. my commute is 3 miles to school, 2 miles to work. then at the end of the day 2 miles to school, 3 miles home. looking at the calendar,. i have not done a long journey (over 15 minutes) since 3rd or 4th October, and am due to do that longer journey (35 mins there, 35 mins back) this evening to see a relative. it was also only 9 degrees this morning so colder than usual. SO given all the above, and my short journeys, does anyone know if it sounds reasonable to assume it was indeed the battery and that my long journey planned for this evening will charge it up again ? (i am aware i should make a habit more often to drive for 30 minutes on the motorway)

Found video on DH’s ipad, naked woman, not me.

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:11:18 +0000

For background, DH and I, both late 30’s, two kids in primary school, steady relationship, I’d consider us both happy, general life demands, nothing out of the ordinary. Was on DH’s ipad this morning, I know the passcode, he knows I know the passcode. He only really uses it for watching sport on, I wanted to use it to look at the hotel we’ve booked for next year, it’s easier to see it on a bigger screen than on my phone. Anyway, I looked at the photo album on there, there are pictures and videos of the kids when they were tiny and I look at them every now and again, when I use the ipad, which is infrequent, maybe twice a year. Anyway, there was a video on there of a woman, looks to be homemade, not porn, being touched intimately, she is awake and aware by the looks of it. Graphic, nothing left to the imagination, the video was about a minute long. That video wasn’t there last time I looked at the photo album. It’s got the geographical tag on it and it’s the area DH lived before we got together and the video has a date of 2015 on it, so I assume it’s him and an ex. It was at the bottom of the screen of pictures/videos so I assume it’s been added to the ipad recently. That’s how my camera roll is laid out on my phone, new things are at the bottom. So he’s obviously kept it for a long time, on his phone maybe? I don’t know the phone passcode. I feel a bit sick about it all, why has he got a video like this? It it him and an ex? Does she know he’s still got the video? I can’t tell if I’m under or over reacting but I’m so uncomfortable about it.

Split Happens: Daily Word Puzzle

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:10:32 +0000

Split Happens #49: 'SUMER' 🟨 Perfect Split ⏱ 5:40 • #18 ⬜️ Hard ⏱ 4:34 • #20 🟫 Normal ⏱ 4:02 • #22 splithappens.net

Is a double buggy a waste of money? Advice please.

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:10:20 +0000

Just found out that im pregnant with my second, my first child will be 2 years and 9 months when the next one is due. We walk to nursery as a choice as we live in a very congested area where it takes 10/15 minutes to walk but can take 30 to drive the same distance. Would you get a double buggy for the nursery runs or not waste money and just get a buggy board? Anyone with previous experience?

Caring for my bougainvillea during winter

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:10:20 +0000

Morning all. I have a beautiful Bouganvillea that I am aware cannot cope with cold/frost. Am I better to buy a frost cover for it and leave it in the garden (it is potted) or should I just bring it in. I was going to bring it in but I'm concerned about how to care for it inside, what I can put the pot on etc so it doesn't ruin the carpet. Should I leave it as it is or prune it right back, it's so beautiful and I really don't want to kill it. I've really enjoyed my garden this year but I'm a total novice so learning as I go. Any tips re the bouganvillea? Thanks all :)

Around Bridlington/Scarborough

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 09:04:59 +0000

Could anyone recommend a hotel or holiday accommodation with really good sea views around this area please? My DH is terminally ill and he'd like to see the sea and it's about our nearest coast line.

Persistent German Adverts

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:51:57 +0000

Hi MNHQ My adverts on the site have been coming through in German on and off for weeks now. I had a run of adverts for German veterinary products, e.g. flea treatments, and now I'm getting kitchen appliances - just had an advert for a German dishwasher. I don't browse any German websites - sadly I don't speak German well enough for that - and it's about 20 years since I last went to Germany so it isn't roaming cookies on my device or anything like that. It doesn't matter enormously in the scheme of things, I'm just at a loss to know why it's happening and would like to understand what's causing it.

Any coeliacs with neuropathy?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:51:14 +0000

I’m being referred to neurology due to some ongoing facial tingling. There seems to be no obvious reason for it and other than it being annoying I’m fine. I am diagnosed with coeliacs disease for over 10 years and stick to a gf diet. However a fellow coeliac mentioned she had intermittent facial neuropathy and it’s a legacy of living with undiagnosed coeliacs for a long time. i will mention to doctor but wondered if this was a possibility. (Trying to think of low stakes explanations to avoid freaking out!!)

Feeling awful about life

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:47:44 +0000

Any advice please on what you would do if you were me please no mean comments I’m on the brink honestly. im 34. I have 4 children ages 16, 14, 8, 2 3 eldest children see their dad my 2 year old also sees his dad he was my recent partner. Was together good while and he turned very abusive. We have a court order. I have no family. My mum and dad basically have disowned me completely as my dad abuses my mum my whole life and I’ve spoken up time and time again. I have begged her to love me be my friend do things with me go out come round and nothing. It’s killed my soul forever. She’s obviously chosen him. It was my birthday last week and I didn’t even get a happy birthday from them and I cried all day. I have a brother that contacts me once every few months maybe but never visits. they don’t bother with my children. My eldest visits them off her own accord which I can’t really stop but they have no interest in the others. im so completely alone in the world. Yes I adore the kids so so much we are so close but I have no adults to have a tea with go out with or talk to. And it’s hard. the kids have no idea I’m duying inside. I can’t go to a shop without feeling sick to my stomach of sadness and dread. been to the GP. I’m on meds. im also in therapy once a week face to face. I have one friend who is lovely but has a lot of issues so it’s always me helping her. im a stay home mum until my toddler goes to nursery next year. I’d love someone for me.

Worried about Apple Watch wrist temp

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:42:54 +0000

Full of anxiety had a missed miscarriage in June, now pregnant again 6 plus 6 days. My temp on Apple Watch has been consistently above baseline, but has dropped for the first time over night - I feel such anxiety and as though it’s a bad sign. Has anyone else had this ?

Red book valuation for cash buyers?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:41:29 +0000

I have just had an offer accepted on a house in a desirable area. I was asked to offer the top end of the guide price to secure it and prevent any future viewings. Houses don't come up very often in this area and it's in really good condition inside and out. Having sold the family home (a currently renting) I am in a good position as a cash buyer, with no mortgage to arrange (which is uncharted waters for me). It is the first house I will have bought on my own, post divorce. I took a trusted builder with me to view the house and so won't be getting a survey, I feel comfortable with that. But is it worth getting a red book valuation to check the sale price is fair? I have found a surveyor who will do this for under £300. The sellers seem to be hard negotiators so I am not sure is this is much scope to renegotiate the price but would be grateful for thoughts/experiences.

To be obsessed with Dimash?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:41:07 +0000

Sorry if this has been done to death, but I couldn't find another thread through the search function. I just have to get this off my chest, and there is no one in real life (except my partner) I can say this to because - He is a global superstar. He is 32. I am not a teenager. I am 55. I feel utterly ridiculous. Utterly. Dimash. O.M.G. If you know, you understand. I discovered him three weeks ago and am now obsessed. He sings like a god. He looks like a god. He has been described as the most beautiful man on the planet. Or an alien from another planet. I'm not a Dear. I don't want to be a Dear. I'm not going to follow him around the planet while he tours. But, I'm finding it very difficult to do anything but think about him, watch his live performances and marvel at his voice and presence. So, if there's anyone here who's known about him for more than three weeks, please tell me - does this ever get easier? When does the obsession stop? How am I supposed to get any work done? Does this ever wear off? Help! AIBU? Or is this a perfectly normal reaction? Did I mention that I am a middle-aged woman? I am also a lesbian in a very happy relationship, and she thinks this is hilarious (but is tired of talking about him after three weeks)! What is happening to me?? ed. obviously name changed for this one!

Anyone in the west end London tomorrow and fancying using my spare ticket

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:38:18 +0000

I have tickets to the Devil Wears Prada musical tomorrow Tuesday at 7.30pm. One of our party can’t make it so wondered if any mumsnetter would like to use it to save it going to waste!

Broken leg - now know friends and family don’t care

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:36:50 +0000

I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago. It’s been horrendous. I live in a townhouse so lots of stairs. Trying to get to the bathroom with a cast has been awful. Trying to do anything has been awful. I have 2 dc and a DH. DH has had to take time off work because although 1 DC can walk to school the other was being driven by me everyday to a different school. I obviously can’t drive so DH has to do it. My mother lives literally round the corner from me as do other relatives including my brothers. I had to beg my mother to drop my DC at school and pick them up 2 days last week. She is 65 retired and healthy. Even though she lives round the corner I haven’t seen her in days. When I got back from hospital she did drop in a sandwich for me once and that was it. Ive had text messages from various relatives saying how sorry they are. No offers of support. Nothing. Lots of lovely messages from people who I thought were good friends but that’s it. No practical help. I feel so alone. I can’t weight bear so can’t do anything practical and DH is run ragged working full time, looking after the DCs and trying to stay on top of the housework. How lovely I keep thinking if we had some support from our families. I know I’m feeling sorry for myself but it’s times like these when I wish I was surrounded by a loving family who want to help. If it was my grown up daughter going through this I’d be there for her.

We are stumped for the middle name

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:34:59 +0000

So me and husband have come up with the first name of Gabriel, but we have not decided on a middle name. Our top choice right now is Thomas but I’m not sold on it. Other options could be Wayne, Parker, Jerome, Eric with the last name being Williams, but I’m not so sure that it would flow very well with those options. Looking for any suggestions or recommendations. PS getting induced in a week please help

If you're autistic, can I ask you a personal question please

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:31:10 +0000

My dd is 10 and autistic. Honestly trying to navigate our way through various situations and support her as much as I can and learning as I go. This week there has been a death in the family, quite traumatic for me as I was there, dd was also close to the person. Dd says she doesn't feel she can cry, fair enough, we all deal with death differently. She has been talking about hiw she feels and then asking to stop talking about it when she feels its too mucb, I'm being guided by her. However she gets a certain amount of screen time per day, usually very supervised but the last few days I haven't been as on it as I usually would due to the circumstance. There are strict controls on her tablet so I wasnt really too worried. I had a look at what she had been doing, and she was looking up how to show empathy, and she has been doing exactly what it said, saying certain things, holding my hand etc. Waiting lists for appointments are ridiculous, I have called to make an appointment this morning and they are going to send one out but it could be a couple of months. However is this usual? She must be feeling some kind of empathy in order to want to show it? As I say this is all pretty new to me and I dont know if this is ok or something I need to be really worried about. Sorry if it a jumbled mess of a post.

Sole or joint applicant = advice?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:28:18 +0000

Morning, I have to instigate the divorce process as things are available. Does anyone have any advice please on whether to apply as a sole or joint applicant? Husband is ND, not communicating and I think depressed. He won't even discuss anything ( no exaggeration) and I do not think he will engage with thr process. Any downsides to sole applications? Thanks

Holiday and back up

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:25:28 +0000

I’ve just been on holiday and worked for about half of it. My colleague usually is great backing me up but this time said they’d been overwhelmed to deal with any of my stuff. This has meant I’d had to take my computer in holiday as I have a big deliverable due today so I’m stressed to the hilt and only slept 2 hours. I feel I need another holiday! It’s felt like all deliveriables came at once from the projects I’m working on due to client delays. i feel all the projects have gone to pot! Both colleague and I are looking for new jobs as there’s no support but can’t leave until I get another one! Do you ever have this type of expectations when you go on holiday? How do I survive!

Octopus Referral Link...Free £50 Each.

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:23:51 +0000

Octopus Energy Referral Code £50 for each of us when you switch your energy to Octopus🐙. https://share.octopus.energy/grey-may-532

Has anyone regretted working part time during the toddler years? Especially lawyers?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:23:04 +0000

I could really do with some opinions as I’m not sure on what to do. I have a 3.5 year old starting school next September and a 18 month old. Since returning to work I have been using my accrued annual leave to work a 4 day week, but that will soon run out. I’m not sure whether to ask to do 4 days a week permanently? I’m fairly certain it would get approved if I requested it. I am a solicitor and my job is pressured with long working hours. My concern is that I am already finding it hard to cope with balancing work and family life. I have had far more very late nights and early mornings than I would like (to the point I have been genuinely thinking about whether I can stay in this job, but there aren’t many other options at the moment). Sometimes doing a 4 day week seems like even more work. The job is still there but it has to get squeezed into 4 days. In terms of salary we could afford the pay cut if I went down to 4 days (although we had been considering private school, but that would not be an option if I worked part time). I would also increase my pension contributions to try and cover the difference. The obvious benefits to going part time are that I would get to spend more time with my kids, and I’m so conscious that these early years are going to go by quickly. I don’t want to look back and regret not spending this time with them when I could have. There is also the added benefit that I often see my parents on my day off as well and it’s nice spending time with them as they are getting older. But I guess I’m just worried that going part time will make my workload really difficult, or that it will be difficult to go back to full time work if we needed the extra money in the future, or if there are just some other points I’m missing. Any opinions would be welcome, especially if people are managing the juggle with high pressure jobs and long hours.

Married man. Just stay quiet, right?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:19:34 +0000

This man contacted me on Instagram initially sending some self healing type stuff. I didn't mind, as I'd shared on my page that things are a bit rough right now. So I thanked him & looked at his second linked page, which makes it sound like he's a big deal. He's written books & been on TV etc. The next day he contacts me & asks me out for coffee! I tell him no thank you. He doesn't accept this & asks why. I simply say 'Aren't you in the USA? I'm in the UK'. He sends a couple more messages which I don't open, asking what I like to do in my spare time etc, I delete without reading. Today, he contacts me again asking why I didn't respond! (I'm bored today so I answer him) That I thought he was reaching out to be kind but now I don't think his intentions are honourable. He tells me that I'm right & that he hadn't even looked at my page when he initially messaged. After this he sent a few more trying to ask questions about my situation & engage etc & I've read them & ignored, everything is deleted. I then Google him & he's married. Posts up to 6 months ago wishing his wife happy birthday etc. photos with his wife & kids from a few days ago (on FB) I've already deleted everything anyway so I just forget about it now, don't I. There's this little jiggle in the back of my mind saying to tell his wife but there's nothing to tell really! He only asked me for coffee. I'm feeling a bit guilty like I've done something wrong & I'm feeling sad for his wife so that's why I've written it out, to clear it from my mind.

Strictly for 2027.

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:10:35 +0000

I think that viewing numbers would vastly increase if real stars were chosen. Exclude winners of reality shows,internet stars and let real stars return and amazingly the viewing figures would dramatically increase. I am not watching it this year as I didn't know many of the stars.

Working with young kids

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:06:08 +0000

Can you tell me about your morning routines with young kids and how it fits in with your work etc? I don’t generally have a set start time as my work is flexible but am going to be involved in some training over the next few weeks which requires me to be at a place 50 mins away by 8.30am. My husband travels a lot for work so is not always around to help out. The earliest my kids can be dropped of is 7.30am but they are in two separate locations 10-20 mins apart so I mean if everything falls into place I’d be there right on 8.30am but it’s cutting it fine and getting there earlier is logistically impossible unless I guess I find a babysitter, I’m unsure how easy or reliable that would be. I don’t think parents should get special privileges at work I’m just feeling like the standard workplace hours are so set up against parents and there’s no good reason why things need to start so early or finish late when people cannot usually focus well for a whole day anyway. Anyway keen for thoughts or how I should approach this with my work.

Child off school sick

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:03:22 +0000

FUNNY ENOUGH since my last post she’s genuinely been a changed child idk what’s happened but I am not complaining 🤣 however, soemthing that really gets on my tits right and I just need to know it’s not just me who feels this way, my daughter is in year 2, she’s not been well since yesterday, no sick or coming out the other end etc but she’s very like tired coughy temperature but she’s eating drinking n going toilet okay, but I don’t understand why some people find it so hard to keep their kids off when there sick, 11 kids got chicken pox once cos someone sent their kid in with it for days and I understand it’s better to get it early but 11 kids???!!! Someone posted their kid had a stomach bug n she was in the very morning after she posted it???? Pls tell me I’m not the only one who gets annoyed by this

See all

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 08:01:52 +0000

How come we have to scroll all the way back to the beginning now for the ‘see all’ tab to work? You read some of the thread and halfway through think I want to know more what tie OP is saying, but then have to scroll back to the beginning? Minor inconvenience, but annoying when it never used to be like that.

To enjoy having a mutual hate figure with a friend? Who's yours?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:59:05 +0000

So my daughter-in-law and I both enjoy hating a certain beauty influencer. Nothing weird or anything - don't post anything about her, no tattle - but whenever we see a feature on her, we send it to each other and growl by text. I thought everyone had one of these?

Hanging washing out

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:58:35 +0000

Hi! Are we still hanging washing outside at this time of year? im in a first floor flat with a communal garden. It doesn’t get the sun. I have been hanging washing outside but seem to be the only one in the block doing so. it doesn’t get completely dry but a bit is anyone else?

Post knee replacement infection

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:58:08 +0000

Apologies for the long post. Has anyone acquired an infection in a knee replacement soon after surgery? I have just been diagnosed with one following a number of tests when I developed excruciating pain at 10 weeks post surgery at the back of my knee which affected weight bearing. I am going to have an aspiration on Wednesday to extract some of the fluid to be tested in the lab to ascertain which type of bacteria it is and if is resistant to antibiotics or not. Then my consultant will beside on what needs to happen next. If the infection will respond well to antibiotics then I’ll have a one stage extraction ie my current implant will be taken out, the infected area cleaned and a new one put in straight away. If it’s a resistant strain ( apparently most likely) it will be a 2 stage extraction ie he will remove the current one then place a solid cement block which slowly releases antibiotics and also supports my knee until the infection clears when he can operate again to put in a new implant. I am now incredibly anxious and panicking about how how I will cope after the surgery, especially the second option as I live alone and it might take a few months for the infection to clear. If he puts in an articulated cement block then I’ll be able to bend my leg a little but if it’s a solid block then my leg will not bend and stay straight. I’ll not be able to weight bearing with either option so will have to use a walking frame and only put my operated leg down on tip toe to balance while I hop with my good leg! This leg also had a replacement knee implant 10 months ago and is not yet fully healed. I was hoping someone here had been through this situation, apparently only happens to 1% of implant surgeries, and can reassure me that it won’t be as bad as I imagine. Or maybe has supported someone through it. I put off having my implants for over 10 years because I was so scared of the operation and something going wrong! Sod’s Law really! I do live in a bungalow which should help with mobility and have a cleaner every two weeks but other than that my son lives over 100 miles away and his wife is expecting a very precious IVF baby soon, my daughter lives an hour away, has a 2 year old, a full time job involving frequent travel abroad and a partner who does not drive so my only support in my sister. She also works and manages to help get me to medical appointments by juggling her rota but she is a single mum of two young teenagers. I guess I am looking for possible options, maybe arranging a carer to come in an hour a day to prepare meals, sorting laundry and helping me shower. I have a cleaner every 2 weeks but the toilet and high use areas will need daily cleaning with antiseptic because of infection risk. I’ll also be on intravenous antibiotics which will need administering in a sterile way and I won’t be able to do it because I have arthritis in my hands and some loss of vision in one eye which makes me very clumsy. Hopefully I’ll be able to get daily visits from the district nurse. Or do I just forget about living at home until after my second operation and look for respite care at a nursing home? Please advise and calm me down, I actually feel sick at the thought of what I’ll be going through for the next 4 to 6 months, I’m such a wimp!

To start a Go Fund me for my ex Husband?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:55:43 +0000

Money must be so tight for him poor man. I just had the CMS calculation through and he apparently only earns £18k a year. The extra cruelty for him is that he is working so hard that he regularly couldn't have the children at the last minute because of work, leaving me cancelling my plans. And out of that £18,000 a year he is somehow financing a £40000 car he recently purchased and extensive renovations to his house. He doesn't come from a family with any money so he must be really struggling to manage his financial commitments. I can't decide between a food bank referral or a Go Fund me....

FGR due to wrong dates

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:53:28 +0000

Hi, I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my second but at the 12 week scan, they brought forward my due date by 4 days as they struggle to measure and made baby bigger than they are. With my ovulation this makes my due date 6 days closer than it should be. At the 20 week scan they measured baby being in the 2.5 percentile (all within normal sizes with no issues), just very small so now I am under consultant care with growth scans. They won’t push my due date back again despite me saying my dates are out by 6 days. Has anyone else experienced this? Feel like it’s adding more stress for (hopefully) no reason x

Has anyone ever used Claire’s law

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:51:36 +0000

Have no suspicion on new partner but would just like to check. what actually happens? Do they inform the person they are checking?

Glandular fever - faster recovery?!

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:51:08 +0000

Hello! My 15 year old DD has this after a month of tonsillitis. Symptoms - huge infected tonsils, rash top of her mouth, swollen glands all over, are going down after (a long) 10 days. my worry is the fatigue that can last for months. Several people i know had it turn to ME. id love her to fully recover now to avoid the months (I don’t know if this is realistic!). To help she’s on probiotics (the post antibiotics ones as she had anti bis for tonsillitis. Also giving her sambucol which boosts the immune. she seems to be doing better, maybe going back to school after half term but I don’t want to go to far too soon and end up making the recovery longer. has anyone any experience or advice? please!

Not knowing if I have herpes or not?

Mon, 19 Oct 2026 07:50:24 +0000

Hi all, I’m feeling fragile and would appreciate some advice. Long story short is I’m in my late twenties and I’m dating someone new who is just amazing. I care about him a lot and genuinely believe this could be the guy I end up with. I have suffered with health anxiety in the past and recently it’s started to resurface a little. About 7 months ago I noticed a small blister like spot on my vulva which at the time I didn’t think much of. It was at the end of my period and it wasn’t painful, a bit itchy and I put it down to irritation from my pad (I get quite long periods so often have to wear pads for 6/7 days). Anyway last week this same spot has reappeared in the same circumstances and after a deep dive on Google I’m worried that this could be HSV (herpes). Some symptoms match and some don’t. I spoke to a sexual health clinic and they told me unless I have an active spot/blister they cannot swab me and blood tests are notoriously inaccurate so are not offered in the UK. The clinic advised that I try not to worry and if it comes back to get an appointment straight away for swabbing to be done. In the meantime I don’t know what to do. My partner and I always use condoms as our form of contraception but I know condoms don’t 100% prevent the risk of passing on the virus. I want to be open with him about my fears but I also don’t want to unnecessarily tell him I might have something if I don’t actually know. I can’t get it out of my head though and I feel guilty not saying anything and thinking imagine if I do have something and pass it to him without knowing. It’s so frustrating considering the majority of the population carry this virus one way or another (either on the mouth or down there) and I’m getting into a state but I’m just trying to do the right thing. If the spot doesn’t return for months (or ever?) I might never truly know what my status is. How do I navigate that uncertainty and would you mention this to a partner or wait for something more concrete? Thanks in advance!