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Eating disorders

Has anyone ever insisted that your child has an eating disorder?

9 replies

areyoureallysure · 16/09/2014 13:26

My dd is nearly seventeen. She is around 5'5" and although I'm unsure of her weight, she is a 6/8 in most stores. She is active in that she walks our dog once or twice a day for about 20 minutes each time but no more than that. She eats well - we eat together most evenings and she will eat a wide variety of foods and enjoys her food. She has started a new college without any of her previous friends and appears to be really enjoying it, talking frequently about it and the other teenagers on her course. So, that's the background.

Going further back, she's had a difficult start to her life - for the first fifteen years we lived with my ex, her dad, who was physically and mentally abusive to us all, but of all the children, she was the worst affected. Since we split, she has suffered a great deal of stress wrt contact (she felt she had to take my place and mother the younger ones to act as a buffer between them and STBXH) with the consequence that she now doesn't go at all and only has infrequent indirect contact with him. She has suffered from anxiety, depression and panic attacks so she now takes sertraline which I would say has had a huge impact on her mental wellbeing. When her anxiety was at it's worst, she lost her appetite and dropped to a size 4 (ish) and was not very impressed by this.

A few weeks ago she was staying at her boyfriend's house and following a week there, his parents have insisted that she is bulimic (she was incredulous). They know this 'for certain' Hmm Apparently, they noticed that she was going to the bathroom after meals and could smell the vomit. I am mystified by this. Then on Saturday my parents (who know of this) took her out for dinner. This morning my mum commented to me that she had left the table twice during courses for long periods to go to the bathroom.

I don't get it. I have looked at a couple of websites this morning and nothing seems to really fit. There is no evidence of binging. There is no evidence of purging. There is no evidence of excessive exercise, of trauma to hands or mouth following vomiting. She doesn't go to the toilet after meals. Our one bathroom has no lock on the door and her younger brothers have scant regard for the closed door policy so could interrupt her at any time. There's no attempt to make noise (ie running the taps) to cover the sound of vomiting.

When she is ill with a bug, she is like me - she makes a terrible fuss. She cries for me and is unable to clean up after herself. Would she be able to turn that into silent independent vomiting? She is meticulous about her oral health and has been for years. She often says that she wants to break my record of not having a filling until nearly thirty, so I can't see her risking her teeth with frequent vomiting. No dentist has ever raised questions in a 6m check and she sees her orthodontist every 8 weeks or so.

Her bf's parents think I am unable to accept the truth. The thing is, if she was, I would be devastated, obviously, but as with every other mental health issue she's had, we would deal with it. If she let me we would work on it together, just as we did with CAMHS. My younger dd strayed deep into anorexia territory around three years ago. With her it was less about her perception of her body and more about control and attention seeking from her dad. As soon as we split, within very few weeks, she was back to her normal self and now she eats well and food is a non issue for her. The point being with that is that she got the help she needed. I certainly don't view it as a stigma which I would be unable to accept or anything silly like that.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking but is there anything ringing alarm bells? Any ideas or suggestions welcome.

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OldBeanbagz · 16/09/2014 15:18

Their behaviour is very odd.

It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. Certainly nothing that would set my alarm bells ringing. Does she look a normal weight?

My own DD is almost 13, 5'4" (one of the tallest girls in her year) and wearing size 6 clothes. She looks perfectly normal to me.

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areyoureallysure · 16/09/2014 15:02

She told me. I emailed the parents and they confirmed their suspicions.

Another thrilling installment in my soap opera life Hmm

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OldBeanbagz · 16/09/2014 14:52

Shock Did she tell you? Or the parents?

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areyoureallysure · 16/09/2014 14:11

The parents approached her directly!

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OldBeanbagz · 16/09/2014 14:06

Gosh her BF's parents sound like a nightmare. I'd be dumpng them!

For what it's worth if i'm out and not having the most interesting of times, i visit the bathroom more than i would normally (if only to give myself a breather from the conversation).

Does your DD know any of this yet? Did her boyfriend discuss his parents' accusations with her?

I'm no expert but you don't seem to have any concerns with her eating meals. Maybe softly approach it from the angle that her GPs were worried about her and asked if she was feeling ok?

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areyoureallysure · 16/09/2014 13:54

Hahaha! He is currently sticking to his guns in the face of the opposition and sticking up for her. I think they view themselves as star crossed lovers Grin

Thank you for responding.

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tess73 · 16/09/2014 13:47

hmmm sounds like she should dump the bf. no one ever recovers from having parents like that!

doesn't sound like there's an issue then to me, but i am no expert!

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areyoureallysure · 16/09/2014 13:42

Exactly! Worried alarmed and cross fits it all in!

The time in the restaurant was a one off. It has just this minute occurred to me that she may have been texting her bf as she was eating with my parents and my aunt and uncle (who are all lovely and she is comfortable with them but mobiles at the table would be a total no no).

And the bf's parents I'm a bit Hmm about as they've already told her bf that he has to dump her as 'nobody ever recovers from abuse' and she is 'far too damaged'.

However, I can't and don't want to ignore it. If there is a problem, I'm very much a head on tackler with things like that, so I would happily work with the appropriate agencies to help her. I don't really know where to begin with her though.

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tess73 · 16/09/2014 13:31

i can see why you are worried, alarmed and cross all in one. The only thing i would question is why is she spending a long time in the bathroom after/during meals? Talk to her about this, it isn't normal to go to the bathroom for a long time during a meal, maybe she was uncomfortable at the meal, by the conversation, someone in the restaurant she was avoiding? There could be a perfectly understandable reason but you can't ignore it, her bf parents and her gp's wouldn't be saying anything if they weren't genuinely worried/concerned.

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