Divorces (un-separation) Issues

[SlightlyUnsure]

So. After 33 years of being together, married for 29, my wife an I separated and subsequently divorced last year, not because of infidelity, not that I'm aware of, just issues that become problems and so, basically, we stopped communicating the way we used to.

Having two grown kids, are they ever really? they're always our kids, they are 24 and 20. Anyhow, I can't seem to find my feet or make my place in the world, or this country, without being a couple. The industry in which I've worked for over thirty years, is relatively small and very specalised, and because of that, everyone knows everyone, and everyone that I knew, knew my Ex. So many times I hear the same ''No Way - I never would have thought it of you two'' even now I talk to old acquaintances and I'm always asked how is X.

Simply every road I've traveled, and every place I've visited was always done knowing I'd return home to her. But to be clear, after everything I do still love her, but I'm not in love with her, which I know is a cliche but it's true.

That said, I've been offered a new post in New Zealand, and whilst my two daughters think it would be the right choice, pointing out that facetime and WhatsApp change the way we see migration I can't get past not the fact of leaving my two girls, the eldest is off to New York to teach next year, the youngest is due to finish uni then travel settle somewhere, but not in the UK, so I'll not have them for very long if I stayed.

So. my issue, questions really, is this. Why am I struggling to separate from my Ex? I know there is no yellow brick road that leads us to some magical place where we end up back together, but I find the feelings I'm having are unreasonable, maybe even irrational, but does anyone else feel like this about an Ex?