AIBU to think there’s been no info on Coronavirus and blended families

[Apuddimgisneverenough]

Hi all, has there actually been guidelines announced for blended families in relation to the recent Coronavirus outbreak ?
I have just been taking to my brother who has 50/50 care of his 3 children along with his ex wife.
His “new” wife (no disrespect to her but ‘new’ for the purpose of this thread) has 2 children whom she has 50/50 residency with her ex partner. So at times there can be 5 children and 2 adults in the home. No one in the 3 homes is high risk or vulnerable

We have just been discussing what would happen if one or more of the children became ill. Obviously all 3 households (brothers home , brothers ex home and his new wife’s ex husbands home ) should all self isolate , but what about the movement of children? Should the children stay where they are? Or is is safe for the children , assuming they are fit enough, to be ferried from one home to another?
Is it fair to except the household where symptoms manifested themselves be the people responsible for the well being of the children for 14 days?

[Mumma9183]

Omg this is me . Their dad is kicking off big time but it a frontline key worker and demanding time in the midst of a crisis in our area . I’m scared to death to let them go please advise. He’s very bullying and will not isolate at all himself so I just cannot let them go . Threatening me with court if I don’t comply

[Character120]

We have my daughter full time. She’s SEN but I’ve decided not to take the provisions offered to us and keep her home. We have my step daughter 50% of the time. I’ve just asked, what’s the point of us self isolating when sd will be back and forth every other week. He’s just got angry with me bringing it up! When children are involved it’s never easy.

[Dongdingdong]

Come on OP. Look at the government guidelines. Think for yourself. It’s really not difficult.

[Somebodystired]

It's clearly down to the parents involved to make the key decisions.

Me and my DS are on day 8 of self isolation. My DSS went back to his mums the day before we had to start self-isolating - he will be coming back here the day our isolation ends. It's hard for us all not seeing him but we are protecting his health.

[Onceuponatimethen]

I think some guidance would have been good - agree with you op

Many families in uk now more complex than a nuclear family in one home

[DateLoaf]

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/18/coronavirus-why-are-uk-schools-closing-and-what-does-it-mean-for-parents

The Guardian’s info here in case helpful for anyone:

[DateLoaf]

I was thinking about blended families with the COVID pandemic too. Or just families with new partners and this crisis suddenly expecting family relationships to be ‘official’ in ways which may or may not not be helpful to them. The government and civil servants (big generalisation coming up..) often find it easier to think of the population as split into neat nuclear families. Obviously that’s not how many families are.

Like with the assurance that key workers can have a school place for their kids to allow them to continue working, but not ‘if the other parent’ isn’t a key worker.

I might be being unfair because I read that in the Guardian, not from a government source... but there seem to be no government sources on this specific issue that I could spot.

[Sallysshoes]

There are so so many posts I've seen that are asking 'what about me, my situation is .... And I can't do what is being advised because of .... Have the government not thought of me?'
Frankly, these posts are just annoying. The Government, like them or loathe them are in an impossible situation trying to deal with a completely unpresidented situation and working out how they can care for a country of 60 million people.... They cannot possibly work out the finer details for each and every person. So how about everyone just behaves like an adult, listens to the advice and recommendations as they materialise and work out how to make things work their own situation and stop expecting the Government to spoon feed everything to you.

[Hooleywhipper]

Just start adulting and work it out for yourself.

[LittleLittleLittle]

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor She is going to look a bit odd dropping 2 children off to a house with a hazard warning stating the house is in isolation due to Covid-19. I hope you don't have nosey neighbours as one of them will call the police.

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

@LittleLittleLittle she's saying she will just drop them at the front door and drive off 🤣

[LittleLittleLittle]

@AccidentallyRunWindsor - the mother can insist but your OH can refuse to co-operate due to having a good reason.

[Jaichangecentfoisdenom]

"Is it fair to except the household where symptoms manifested themselves be the people responsible for the well being of the children for 14 days?"

Words fail me.

[NatashaAlianovaRomanova]

DS is at his dads & for various reasons has been for the past fortnight & was due to come to mine on Friday he has now developed a cough. The call went along these lines:

EX- D has a cough he seems fine in himself though

Me- so you'll be keeping him for another fortnight then?

Ex- yeah we're self-isolating

Me- I'll FaceTime him in a bit, how's the wee one (their 1yo)?

Ex- he's fine no symptoms at the minute but we're struggling to get his food (he's on a restricted diet due to allergies)

Me- send me a list of what he can have & if they have any in my local shops I'll pick it up

Ex- that'd be great thanks I'll email it over

Me- right I better go FT D, keep safe & let me know if you need anything. Tell stepmum to enjoy her Mother's Day breakfast in bed this year which will be rank as mine usually is

Ex- oh god aye, I better warn her 😂

Not exactly difficult or complicated. Common sense should be applied in these cases.

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

Or you could have the mother who is insisting the children should still come over every weekend despite the children being anxious about coming over and me being in the vulnerable group.

[Potentialmadcatlady]

One of my lot is on the high risk group and one isn’t. We have discussed it. We will be isolating for at least 12 and in our case that currently means no visitors and us only going out to walk the dog. The non risk child is being treated as high risk to protect the other. My two will not be seeing their father for the duration but we have decided that once things are a little more settled and if the kids need to see their Dad then we will go for a walk and meet him Staying 3 metres away but so he can ‘see them in the flesh’ for a short while anyway. In the meantime they are using FaceTime in their bedrooms (so away from me out of respect as the divorce was not an easy one and he isn’t actually allowed near me in real life) so they can stay in touch.
I’m actually really surprised how well their Dad is accepting it- he finally appears to have grown up and is putting their needs over his.

[Jespers]

Hopefully they would read the advice and apply it sensibly to their family as appropriate. The government aren't going to hand hold 'blended' families.

[SarahInAccounts]

The government expect parents to be sensible. Far more important things on their mind.

[coconuttelegraph]

The government must be stretched to breaking point atm you can't possibly expect them to have an answer to every permutation of family circumstances, no one has the answers to everything. All we can do is follow the advice and get on with it.

[Midnightstar11]

Ds1 was at his fathers at the weekend when DS2 became poorly so we agreed for his dad to keep him for the 2 weeks and he could go to school, his df is now working from home as hes high risk so will be caring for DS. You just got work it out.

[user1480880826]

Self isolation means the same thing regardless of whether or not a family is blended. The parent needs to decide where the kids are going to remain during lockdown. Kids can’t continue to alternate between parents. That would totally defeat the object of isolating and social distancing.

Surely the government doesn’t need to spell this out?

[EnthusiasmIsDisturbed]

Agree it something for the parents to sort out between themselves

Government advice how ever strongly worded isn’t going to stop an ex from being difficult is that is how they are

[TW2013]

There have been numerous threads on here about stroppy fathers demanding ‘their rights’ when it is clear the child should be isolating at home with mum.

But in the scenario above when one of them is actually ill my guess would be that they are magically less concerned about their rights than catching the virus.

[thewinkingprawn]

Crikey - if blended families can’t work it out 🙄 frankly this is a part of the reason we will have to go into lockdown - we cannot take the very clear advice and follow it unless we have had it personally tailored to us - Mrs winkingprawn I expect you personally to stay in and socially distance from now on. Unless I say your actual name or your very specific circumstance then you can carry as usual. I’d say blended families are pretty thick if they cannot work it out.

[OhTheRoses]

The adults respect the wishes of the child who goes where they feel happiest and most comfortable having taken Lizadork's advice on board