Men staying on the ward?

[DogsAndGin]

I just visited my friend who gave birth in the hospital I intend to give birth in. She had an ELCS, as I will be - so she stayed overnight, as I will be.

I was shocked to learn that on the ward were four ladies, two of which had their male partners stay all night! She said the midwives didn’t care, and didn’t ask them to
leave, and they also didn’t care about them watching TV on full volume and playing videos on their phones into the early hours!

The hospital’s website says all visitors must leave at night and cannot stay overnight - but this is obviously not enforced.

I really don’t want to be staying in a room at night with strange men present, as I wouldn’t feel safe. Has anyone come up against this problem and how did you manage to deal with it? Thank you x

[SunflowerGardens]

My second baby was during lockdown and I was in a ward with just women and babies. It was so much nicer - so peaceful. I think men should stay out of the maternity ward altogether unless the mum and baby are there for a long time or in a serious condition in which case give the family a side room.

[WildCoasts]

@Elsiebear90

I think the answer to low staffing levels is not to allow male relatives onto the ward at all hours to replace midwives and midwifery assistants, it’s to hire more staff or use volunteers (who are screened and DBS checked). I work in a hospital and it’s really not appropriate to have male members of the public on female wards all night, especially wards where patients are having intimate procedures and discussions. It should be obvious why many women would find this very uncomfortable and distressing.

A nurse at the hospital I work at was raped by a male member of the public at night, he followed her into the toilet and because it was night time there was barely anyone around, so it does happen.

Kind of difficult when the agency doesn't have any staff to draw on to improve staffing levels. No way would I have a volunteer in my room when having very personal and exposing medical procedures. I think the nurses were grateful to have my husband stay with me as there were two of them to an entire ward at the time.

[CorpseReviver]

@handbagsandholidays

I think that the risk of a man raping a woman on a maternity ward is extremely low.... most comments have been about inappropriate behaviour, staring etc. My point is those things don't necessarily always come from men. I would feel equally uncomfortable about somebody's female partner making a comment about me as I would a male partner. As I said before I think that everyone should have the right to the tailored care they need without compromising others. That stands for both women who want partners to stay over and those who don't.

That wasn't the question.

I asked if you believe that males are no greater risk than females in terms of committing rape, sexual assault or violent assault?

[Elsiebear90]

I think the answer to low staffing levels is not to allow male relatives onto the ward at all hours to replace midwives and midwifery assistants, it’s to hire more staff or use volunteers (who are screened and DBS checked). I work in a hospital and it’s really not appropriate to have male members of the public on female wards all night, especially wards where patients are having intimate procedures and discussions. It should be obvious why many women would find this very uncomfortable and distressing.

A nurse at the hospital I work at was raped by a male member of the public at night, he followed her into the toilet and because it was night time there was barely anyone around, so it does happen.

[handbagsandholidays]

@CorpseReviver

@handbagsandholidays

The talk of risk factors posed by men yet I have heard a same sex partner commenting on how 'fit' a new mother looked after giving birth and hoping her partner would do the same. 😳 It's not a male/female thing. As humans we all have things that may trigger traumatic flashbacks etc but one person's needs should not take away from another

You think that males are no greater risk than females in terms of committing rape or sexual or violent assault? !

I think that the risk of a man raping a woman on a maternity ward is extremely low.... most comments have been about inappropriate behaviour, staring etc. My point is those things don't necessarily always come from men. I would feel equally uncomfortable about somebody's female partner making a comment about me as I would a male partner. As I said before I think that everyone should have the right to the tailored care they need without compromising others. That stands for both women who want partners to stay over and those who don't.

[CorpseReviver]

@handbagsandholidays

The talk of risk factors posed by men yet I have heard a same sex partner commenting on how 'fit' a new mother looked after giving birth and hoping her partner would do the same. 😳 It's not a male/female thing. As humans we all have things that may trigger traumatic flashbacks etc but one person's needs should not take away from another

You think that males are no greater risk than females in terms of committing rape or sexual or violent assault? !

[handbagsandholidays]

I have just read this thread out of curiosity and stunned at the opinions. The talk of risk factors posed by men yet I have heard a same sex partner commenting on how 'fit' a new mother looked after giving birth and hoping her partner would do the same. 😳 It's not a male/female thing. As humans we all have things that may trigger traumatic flashbacks etc but one person's needs should not take away from another and that just an additional reason as to why we need different rules depending upon individual circumstances. E.g if I had a straight forward birth and knew I'd be going home in less than 12 hours, I wouldn't necessarily mind being on a bay with others. If I had a c-section/stitches/reason to have to stay in for a longer period of time I'd prefer a side room of my own and the option to have my husband stay over. I had an EMCS with my son and was given a private room. I had a 4 night stay due to heavy blood loss and trying to avoid having to have a blood transfusion. I struggled... I really struggled and was told whilst in recovery with a catheter, unable to feel my legs due to general anaesthetic and having lost a hell of a lot of blood that I was being lazy as I had my baby hours ago and should have been to the toilet by now. That comment really hurt but it did make me extra determined to prove that I wasn't a lazy mum and that I would do everything they had asked an more. It later turned out that the MW who made that comment didn't know I had a CS via GA. The only person that suffered was me as I overdid it and was miserable and in pain. Having my husband there would have really helped take off the pressure by being there physically for our son and emotionally for me.

[Ponderingwindow]

I realize that in the short-term there are constraints in building design and layout, but why is the debate about ward rules. Wards are absolutely antiquated. Patients have a right to privacy and need to rest.

We don’t even have multi-person rooms on a&e anymore. Patients who need close monitoring are near the nurses station in rooms with a glass wall and a curtain that can be closed if needed.

[WildCoasts]

My DH stayed when I had my last baby. It wasn't policy to let father's stay but he was told he could if he stayed in the room all night. I was high medical needs at that time, so got a rare private room rather than a general ward. I couldn't look after my baby on my own and they were short staffed, so they let him sleep on the floor.

[Kindofcrunchy]

My postnatal ward experience was horrendous. One of the women on the ward had her baby taken by social services and she spent her time in shouting matches with her boyfriend who was visiting/family over facetime. If my husband hadn't been there with me I would've killed myself. I had crippling pnd as a result

7 weeks pregnant with number two and already dreading the postnatal ward :(

[GinUnicorn]

I was on the post natal during covid and it was bad enough with 4 mothers and babies. I think men staying would have send me into a breakdown.

86,000 women are raped each year in this nation alone no wonder many traumatised women don’t want to be sharing with unknown males when they are vulnerable.

Its shocking the lack of care for women in recovery and woman's healthcare generally. Obviously staffing levels should be increased. I wonder if the best interim solution would be one ward where partners are allowed and one where it’s female only. Generally there is more than one ward. Still not a perfect solution as it doesn’t solve the levels of underfunding.

[DuesToTheDirt]

@PinkBump2022

I wouldn’t worry about it at all! Those men are there to see their brand new baby and look after their wife’s why would they be at all interested in who is in the next bed???

Did you read this part?
watching TV on full volume and playing videos on their phones into the early hours!

[PinkBump2022]

I wouldn’t worry about it at all! Those men are there to see their brand new baby and look after their wife’s why would they be at all interested in who is in the next bed???

[Ponderingwindow]

I agree, I wouldn’t want to be on an open ward with a man present either.

however, I would never leave a child alone in the hospital without a parent capable of being their advocate. A woman who has just given birth is not necessarily going to be capable of fulfilling this role.

[MissChanandlerBong80]

@DogsAndGin

That’s awful! I will happily pay for a private room but even then, they’re not guaranteed.

Hi OP, I don’t know what your hospital’s like but at ours the private ‘paid for’ rooms are officially first come first served, but they will reserve them where they can for women in certain circumstances. I think if you explain to your midwife that you have a lot of anxiety about being around strange men at a vulnerable time because of your history, she will be able to help - you won’t be the first or last woman to feel like that.

And for what it’s worth, I’ve given birth once when partners were allowed on the ward at all hours and once when they were only permitted during the day, 8am-8pm. The time when they were only permitted during the day was preferable by far, and I’d had a c-section. My husband is my husband and I love him but to another woman he’s just a strange man.

[DuesToTheDirt]

I had my babies years ago; the situation now sounds horrendous. I don't think I'd have been especially bothered or scared by there being men on the ward as such, but the noise levels, the televisions, the phones, the chatting would drive me up the wall. After giving birth, maybe with a long labour and blood loss, and sometimes not eating for hours on end, new mums need a good rest.

[Innocenta]

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo That does sound stressful! I can see the argument for no partners. We (f/f couple) are not able to have children, sadly, so I have no right to have an opinion on this. I was asking because I have permission to have my partner with me in the hospital despite restrictions, so I just wanted to know a bit more about it. But clearly a maternity ward is so fundamentally different that it's just not possible to compare.

Thank you, both, for answering my question! Bowing out now as not a mum.

[RidingMyBike]

There's not a lot of space on postnatal, at least on the one I was on. Having 8 women and at least 8 newborns in a bay the staff were already struggling to get round to do obs when visitors were there, let alone if they'd had to climb over partners asleep on chairs and the floor!

I'd prefer strict limited visiting hours, with the emphasis on rest and recovery for the new mums, standards of behaviour enforced and enough staff to take proper care of the women and babies.

[HalfShrunkMoreToGo]

@Innocenta

I have no personal stake in this, but just out of curiosity - @110APiccadilly on the all female ward, would you feel that should mean no partners at all, or could female partners stay?

No partners at all.

The problem with babies and women who have recently delivered babies is that they're not very entertaining.

Babies sleep, poo and eat, the women want to do the same. That means that partners who stay have lots of time to stare around, wander around, watch TV, chat on the phone, listen to music....... And just generally get in the way, cause a nuisance of themselves and make people who don't know them uncomfortable.

[110APiccadilly]

@Innocenta

I have no personal stake in this, but just out of curiosity - @110APiccadilly on the all female ward, would you feel that should mean no partners at all, or could female partners stay?

Good question. Given I'd choose the ward where (male) partners were allowed to stay, I think that's actually a question for those who'd want the other option - I wouldn't presume to tell them that they should put up with female partners staying if they didn't want that, but if they weren't fussed then it's not my place to say they should be either. If that makes sense. So my answer would be that the NHS would need to consult with that group of women and make policies based on their requirements.

[CorpseReviver]

@110APiccadilly

I had to stay in without DH due to Covid. It was a very difficult experience, even though the midwives were lovely. Would happily put up with other women's partners there to avoid doing that again.

IMO women should be given a choice - female only ward (so your partner can't stay and can only be there during visiting hours) or ward where partners can stay (and accept that means so can other women's).

This seems like a very good suggestion. It is absolutely wrong that the safety, privacy and dignity of women who have just given birth (or indeed any women) are not prioritised.

without a shadow of a doubt there should be as much right to dignity and privacy on a single-sex ward postnatally as in any other situation. And it's appalling that the NHS apparently doesn't care enough to look after its female patients.

If some women are willing to tolerate everything that comes with having strange men who are not patients staying overnight in the ward with them at their most vulnerable time, then they should also be allowed to do that, as long as there is enough space, and as long as no woman who wants a single-sex ward is ever denied that right.

Also, if the partners are there to provide care, they could have a lower staff to patient ratio on those wards, freeing up some staff to care for those without partners.

Sadly with the NHS in the state it's in, with people dying on corridors and being raped in mental health wards, I'm a bit sceptical how well it would work out in practice.

[Innocenta]

I have no personal stake in this, but just out of curiosity - @110APiccadilly on the all female ward, would you feel that should mean no partners at all, or could female partners stay?

[ladydimitrescu]

@110APiccadilly

I had to stay in without DH due to Covid. It was a very difficult experience, even though the midwives were lovely. Would happily put up with other women's partners there to avoid doing that again.

IMO women should be given a choice - female only ward (so your partner can't stay and can only be there during visiting hours) or ward where partners can stay (and accept that means so can other women's).

Absolutely 💯 this.

[110APiccadilly]

I had to stay in without DH due to Covid. It was a very difficult experience, even though the midwives were lovely. Would happily put up with other women's partners there to avoid doing that again.

IMO women should be given a choice - female only ward (so your partner can't stay and can only be there during visiting hours) or ward where partners can stay (and accept that means so can other women's).

[ladydimitrescu]

@CorpseReviver
Why are you so insistent on putting words In my mouth? You're quite the goady one aren't you?

I've said nothing of the sort - honestly have a word with yourself.