I talked to mum this morning. She was gone this afternoon.

[Darkpheonix]

Hi, I don't know why I am posting. My kids are devastated, dp doesn't know what to say.

She was fine til a few weeks ago. We booked theatre tickets to her favourite show for next year. Then she struggled to breath and go diagnosed with asthma.

Today, I spoke to her. She had opened door number 2 on the Advent calendar I got her. It was a conditioner. She was going to wash her hair and use it.

Before she got to the shower, she couldn't breathe. Dad got her inhaler but it didn't help and he called an ambulance. They arrived quickly, she collapsed and stopped breathing and they couldn't get her back.

I walked into their house and she was gone. She was in bed, the ambulance people still there.

I have had to phone family. Dad is worrying that she had a hair appointment booked and I can't get hold of her hair dresser to cancel.

Dad's broken. I am just sat feeling numb. I should be in pain and know it will probably come. But I don't want it to. I want to be numb forever.

I keep getting upset over the Advent calendar that will remain unopened from today. It was meant for her to treat herself. To pamper herself. And now it's just there.

I don't know what to do. I don't how she was here and then she wasn't. I miss her already.

[viques]

What an awful shock for you all Darkphoenix. My condolences to you and your family.

[Darkpheonix]

@canadagoose1

Oh no I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen.

The advent calendar is heartbreaking. I cried when I read about it because I remembered some cakes I made my Dad that he never got to eat. It was years ago. I remember them now in the ice cream tub I brought them in. It seems so trivial in the great scheme of things but I completely understand why you mentioned it, I think it's natural to focus on a thing.

I hope you can find some comfort. A virtual hug from a stranger

I don't know what to say apart from, I am so sorry.

The unfinished is so hard to accept.

[godmum56]

I am so sorry for your loss and its even harder at this time of year. May her memory eventually become a blessing

[JacquelineCarlyle]

I am so sorry for your loss Op. She sounds like an amazing mum & grandma

[KurtWildesChristmasNamechange]

I'm so sorry @Darkpheonix we lost my dad in the same way. I spoke to him in the evening, and by 6am he was gone. I remember going into my parents home and there was a bottle of whisky with his glass next to it with a mouthful left in it. I'd bought him it for his birthday the weekend before. Next to it was a few sweets he'd popped on the coffee table to munch on. It was surreal knowing that just a few hours earlier he'd been sat in his chair sipping on his drink and having a few Maltesers.

Wishing you strength to get through the next few weeks

[Hereforthelaughs2020]

So sorry for your loss

[Anndie]

So sorry for your loss, she sounds a truly lovely Mum xx

[Nsky]

Awful when it’s sudden, shock takes a while to hit you, happened to my parents together.
Sending love

[ivegotthisyeah]

[Blossomtoes]

No words. I wish I could hug you 💐

[Tulips21]

So sorry Op,
Just awful.x

[canadagoose1]

Oh no I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen.

The advent calendar is heartbreaking. I cried when I read about it because I remembered some cakes I made my Dad that he never got to eat. It was years ago. I remember them now in the ice cream tub I brought them in. It seems so trivial in the great scheme of things but I completely understand why you mentioned it, I think it's natural to focus on a thing.

I hope you can find some comfort. A virtual hug from a stranger

[NinDS]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad, my best friend, in 2018 very suddenly at the age of 63. It’s such a shock and every day I still think about him and what if…but it does get easier. Thinking about you all xx

[Darkpheonix]

Dd has text her dad (the kids dad is not dp). I was married to exh for 14 years. He has known my parents over 20 years. Even after we split mum helped him with childcare on his days with the kids. They did more for him than his own parents.

He told her 'oh right well I am working. But I will leave my phone on but I won't have long to talk'

She is now more upset that he doesn't seem that bothered. He hasn't even tried to get in touch with ds.

I dont expect him to be concerned for me. But the lack of concern for the kids, has upset them.

Its just not what I need.

[CrikeyPeg]

I'm so very sorry OP xx

[CaribouCarafe]

She sounds like a wonderful person and an amazing mother. So thoughtful of her to have planned all these things in advance and lovely to know that her presence will still be there at these next few big events

[TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder]

I don't know what to do. Leave it unopened. Give the items to my dd (17). The box is reusable. Do I reuse it for dd from now on. She helped pick it
There's no right answer

No there isn’t. Maybe open them all yourself and use them and think of your lovely Mum when you do? But do remember, whilst you think right now there’s no right answer - be kind to yourself and know that whatever you do, there’s no wrong answer either. ❤️

[Darkpheonix]

There's so many memories.

She was Irish. A proper 'Irish mammy'. I have had so many calls and texts to from work as she used to bake for my favourite departments if they were visiting head office where I was based.

She would have lists of who was who and who had already tried certain baked goods so she could do something new.

She spent her life living making people happy. She adored her grandkids. Especially my dd who was the only one for 7 years. She already had boxes of things ready for dd for uni, next year. Dd is going to study law and my mum was bursting with pride.

Dad has been in the safe at their house and found mine and my sils 40th birthday presents for next year. And my dds 18th for next year.

I highly suspect she knew how ill she was. All the Christmas presents are wrapped with her writing on.

Dp is being great. Things he doesn't know 2
What to say. As soon as I got the call he came home, picked ds (10) up and fed him., ran him a bath. Keeps checking on both kids. It's all very practical. But it's helping.

[Coronawireless]

I’m very sorry.
And also to @newname1979
You’ll be numb for a while so don’t worry - just do what needs to be done. It’s your brain’s way of protecting itself. Later the grief might come - that’s when you’ll actually need the most support, so if people ask how they can help, tell them it’s down the line that you’ll need them. Childcare etc. The grief will come in waves which are huge at first but get smaller and smaller as time goes on.
And wherever your mum has gone - WHEREVER that may be - you’ll follow one day. Hopefully not for a very long time but you will. If that’s any comfort at all💐

[AliceA2021]

take one day at a time

[DirtyDancing]

I am sorry for your loss OP.

If you read this- please keep that advent calendar. You might be strong enough to know what to do with it this year, or even next. But one year, It May bring you & your family great comfort to have it as part of your decorations or to even open the doors. Even if it doesn't, please hang on to it x

[Bluetrews25]

Sending warmth from the north west to you and the family.
She knew what she meant to you.

Be kind to yourself. You will be able to carry on. There will be a new normal for you in a while. Give it time. Talk it out when you're able to.

[MarshmallowSwede]

Op I’m so so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

[HPFA]

This is always the saddest thing when someone dies suddenly.

The last conversation I had with my mother I was arranging for her to go on a special gardening course (which she would have loved) and when I went to the house after she'd been taken ill her revision books for the A-Level she was doing were all over the table. She died that afternoon.

You do get to the point where you realise it's good that your last conversation was a nice one and that they were busy and happy right up to the end but that's going to take time. My love and sympathies to you right now.

[Darkpheonix]

@TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder

Ah, I’m sorry for you and for your loss. My Dad died just over a month ago, unexpectedly, and I’d already got his Christmas present and card - and his birthday present and card, as it was New Year - and now they’re just sitting here and I don’t know what to do with them. I’m still in a state of not quite believing it’s all happening yet. I though the funeral would judge me in to acceptance, but that was last week and I’m still not sure of what’s going on yet. It’s going to take me some time I imagine, and it will take you time too. In the meantime, go gently, don’t put pressure on yourself to think and feel things just because you think you should, be peaceful

I am so sorry.

I don't know what to do. Leave it unopened. Give the items to my dd (17). The box is reusable. Do I reuse it for dd from now on. She helped pick it.

There's no right answer.


Thank you for your guidance ❤