Brother in law not helping

[Jpow]

This is the first time I’ve posted and I appreciate this is very boring but I could really do with some thoughts from others as my judgement is way off at the moment.

We have a preschooler and a 9 month old baby. Things have been very tough and we are not in a good place. Difficult pregnancy amidst a house renovation, then c section and moving with a 6 week old baby. Our baby has had multiple feeding issues / allergies which we still haven’t got to the bottom of and is very unsettled so we are really sleep deprived. We feel like shells of the people we once were, we’ve openly discussed how bad things have been/are with family and I would have thought it’s clear to see we are struggling for anyone that knows us.

My brother in law has just come to stay for a week, to spend time with us and as an extra pair of hands. I really like and get on with BIL but he can be selfish. He has spent the week watching us cook and clean up after him whilst doing the minimum in terms of clearing up and no cooking. He is great with the kids but it’s limited what he can do for them as either they want me or DH or he doesn’t know how to do it as he doesn’t have kids himself. I was becoming increasingly annoyed and upset that it feels like rude behaviour from a family member coming to stay in normal circumstances let alone when he can see we are absolutely broken but will still sit on his laptop while we cook and clean. I ended up blowing up at him and telling him I’m upset he hasn’t helped. He was very upset and hurt and now I feel really guilty. He thinks he’s done loads to help. He has played with the kids lots but I couldn’t watch anyone clear up after me after they’ve cooked etc.

Am I bring an irrational unreasonable cow? I am angry all the time at the moment so I can’t tell what is ok and what isn’t it.

[PritiPatelsMaker]

I can understand your frustration, he sounds like a selfish twat, but I think I would apologise for being angry, just to keep the peace.

As for the cooking and cleaning, I think that you may have needed to be clearer on what was expected before he came or at least asked him to wash up after a meal? Nothing wrong in saying "do you fancy washing or drying?"

I found 9 months with a non-sleeper particularly hard. A couple of things that helped us were taking it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend so that you've got at least one day where you can get some extra sleep and reading the No Cry Sleep Solution.