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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences, seek guidance, and connect with others who understand how you're feeling.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Worried my baby is odd looking

189 replies

trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 18:33

Hello. I'm five days postpartum. Im so so ashamed to admit this - and please no hate, I already hate myself - but I can't help but feel like my baby is really odd looking. So red, and like a little old man. I thought it in the hospital, but I was so overwhelmed with love I didn't care. Since being back home, I feel like the rose tinted glasses have fallen off, and I just feel so upset. People have even said he looks like a little old man, and so red! My mum even exclaimed 'oh no he's going bright red again!' and one of the midwives. I just wish I could feel that in love feeling everyone has, and I wish I felt he was beautiful. When all the NCT women messaged photos of their babies everyone said how beautiful they were, but not for mine. I'm reluctant to even introduce him to people, in case people say other things, I feel so fragile. I can't stop crying. I want to be deliriously happy - he is here and is healthy and I am so lucky. Why do I feel like this? Needless to say, I love him and would literally do anything for him, I just hate that I feel this way and can't even talk to my partner about it. Any advice mumsnet? I'm at such a low ebb and I hate this about myself

OP posts:

MoralBeryl · 27/10/2022 21:46

I feel for you OP. Just before my eldest daughter was born, the midwife said “looks like she has red hair”, to which my husband responded “uh oh” and the midwife replied “yes, just to warn you!”

For 6 months I obsessed over this. It was all completely irrational. I have several absolutely beautiful red-headed friends. My DH’s ex was a redhead. But I couldn’t get over the fact that the first thing someone had ever said about her appearance was negative. Everywhere I looked were jokes about “gingers” (e.g. at the end of Pitch Perfect) and I became completely convinced she would be bullied.

I really wish I could have just enjoyed her. She is now a lovely 7 year old. She’s also very blonde and lots of people commented that’s she’s gone from beautiful strawberry to beautiful golden locks and how lucky she is she looked so lovely with both. So they definitely weren’t judging her the way I imagined.

My second had a prominent birthmark on her lip that often got comments. “Oh, poor thing, how did she hurt herself?” As a second time Mum, I could somehow shrug it off. My hormones were much less wild and I’d learned from the first that worrying was pointless.

I don’t really have any tips, but I just wanted to say you’re not alone. I get it. You’ll soon realise it’s all fine. Babies rarely look much like their toddler/child/adult selves anyway.


Cactuslove · 27/10/2022 21:48

My boys had the small3st heads I'd ever seen. Like tennis ball sized. And their limbs reminded me of a chicken before a roast dinner. But they had normal sized bodies. Weird. Now I notice they have tiny necks but normal heads. Anyway talk to your midwife. But entirely normal feelings I think. The crying about it is probably all the hormones flying around. Be kind to yourself op, having a child is beautiful but childbirth is truamatic.


KitchenSupper · 27/10/2022 21:50

Just remembered that one of my friends found her newborn so strange looking that she asked the midwife if she would need an operation on her face. She thought she was beautiful once her face unsquashed though.
(Another asked the nurse whether her poor little boy could have surgery for his missing penis. It was a girl, the 20w scan that said boy had been wrong, but my poor friend didn’t get to the obvious conclusion that her penisless baby with a vulva was a girl. That’s what hormones can do.)


FusilliPasta · 27/10/2022 21:51

I remember thinking there was something wrong with me because everybody always says how beautiful their baby is but mine was ugly. Like really ugly. For weeks actually. But then they turned out actually beautiful. Maybe everybody else is lying!


theAntsareMyFriends · 27/10/2022 21:51

DS2 looked just like The Brain from Pinkie and the Brain. He had a huge wrinkled forehead and weird pointy ears. People would comment on anything but his looks. His stained second hand baby grows got more compliments than him.

He is now the best looking of my 3 children although his brothers were nice looking babies. Luckily one of my friends has a handsome grown up son who was an ugly baby so I knew it could be done.

I was a nice looking baby but a red-faced, mostly bald and angry looking toddler so looks are fleeting.

But in all seriousness OP, emotions can be very strange in the early days but if your feelings about your child's looks continue to make you unhappy, do consider that post natal depression might be the cause and do seek help. Congratulations and good luck on your parenting journey.


catandcoffee · 27/10/2022 21:53

OP enjoy your little Yoda. 😍


AmIThatMam · 27/10/2022 21:54

I look back at photos and think what the hell? Whose baby is that I’m holding?! I didn’t see the swollen red smushed face, I honestly don’t recognise her as my child 😂 your hormones have tanked. Please be kind to yourself. I cried because the sandwich in the hospital had dry curly corners. I was crying so hard no one could understand what I was saying. There was snot. That was day 4 (after c section) with my first. Honestly hormones mess you right up xxx


fuckwhatshouldido · 27/10/2022 21:55

Don’t worry OP. I was convinced DC1 was utterly beautiful at birth…she really wasn’t 😅 red, scrunchy looking, flat nose.
DC2 was so horrible looking even I couldn’t convince myself he was beautiful…he looked like a fat gargoyle. About a week after he was born I tearfully asked exH ‘can I tell you a secret…’ (he agreed, looking very worried) ‘I love him SOOOO much but he’s so ugly’ exH agreed with me very kindly (think he was just relieved that was the extent of the secret 😆).
DC3 was actually a beautiful newborn, but she is an absolute monster in personality and now gives me more grey hairs than the other 2 put together, so it’s all swings and roundabouts…and they all turn out lovely looking in the end 😁 he’ll be fine! And don’t worry, day 5 is a weird one, you’ll come out the other side and feel a lot less all over the place very soon, honestly 💐


doingitalllagain · 27/10/2022 21:57

Newborns always look like little grumpy old people with squished up faces. Apart from DS who came out looking absolutely perfect and I couldn't believe he was the first cute newborn I'd ever seen and how I had made him.

Now I look at his newborn photos and I think I'm sure he was cuter than that 😂 where are all the good photos? 😂 love blind. He was a shrivelled up little monk looking thing. He's stunning now though! He grew into his features Grin


Medoca · 27/10/2022 21:58

Yes! You only have to look at people you’ve grown up with and what they look like now! People develop in different ways and times, also what is considered ‘attractive’ changes too!!


goldfinchonthelawn · 27/10/2022 21:58

DS2 looked like a crumpled scarlet napkin for months. Then he became an angelic creature and people asked if I'd let him be a child model. I bet your baby is gorgeous. I have always had a soft spot for little old man babies instead of big fat ones. They are just as cute but rarer. It sounds like you have the baby blues - very common a few days after the birth.


foodbankfi · 27/10/2022 21:59

Oh Mumsnet ❤️this should be moved to Classics. What a supportive beautiful hilarious thread. Huge love to you and your wee Yoda, OP. (Saying this as a mum of a baby whose cradle cap was so bad she looked like she'd had yellow wax poured over the top of her head! And who now stops traffic as a 15 year old stunner)


AltheaVestr1t · 27/10/2022 22:01

Oh bless you. There's nothing wrong with your baby, or with you, you just have the blues. It's completely normal. Just get yourself and your baby in bed and stay there for a few days, and be really gentle with yourself until you feel better.


MushroomQueen · 27/10/2022 22:01

Lots of newborn look odd- my oh say newborns are little wrinkly knees lol. You'll be surprised how much your bsby will change in 3/4 months- my babies looked nothing like their newborn face. Also you're still on a hormonal roller coaster take time to find yourself it gets easier


oakleaffy · 27/10/2022 22:04

VikingLady · 27/10/2022 21:03

Crying laughing at this!

but all are ''Preciousssssssssssssss' to their Mums!


whatdodos · 27/10/2022 22:05

I'm sure he's adorable


whatdodos · 27/10/2022 22:06

Sorry posted


HeyMicky · 27/10/2022 22:06

DD1 - capuchin monkey

DD2 - absolute stink eye from the moment she emerged. She looks incredibly pissed off in all photos before 2 months

Don't worry, they fatten up and get hair and their skin clears up and they start smiling and then you look back at newborn photos and think fondly, "aw, what a weird little monkey they were"


LadyApplejack · 27/10/2022 22:06

Lol yep I specifically remember thinking mine looked like a newborn pensioner! He's now grown a bit and is gorgeous, tbh I think he's the best-looking boy in most rooms! Babies change.


whatdodos · 27/10/2022 22:08

Damn it posted too soon twice!!! Meant to say I'm sure he's adorable and how rude of people to say that! No baby comes out looking lovely they are all wrinkly and funny looking (I think!!). My DS had eyes that seemed way to big for his face so I thought he looked like a little cute alien (I'm horrible I know). He grew into them though and know he is adorable with the biggest blue eyes ever which everyone compliments him on


StolenCookie · 27/10/2022 22:09

My dad told me he was shocked by how ugly I was as a baby! I think you’re being incredibly hard on yourself but also completely understand the wish to find your baby beautiful. It’s the way society tells us we’re meant to feel as mothers and I think a lot of women feel a huge pressure to feel the rush of love and think their baby is the most beautiful in the world. My partner and I both thought our baby looked pretty shocking when he came out. I had a C section and when they lifted him out it was a bit of a sci-fi horror film moment! I think you and baby will be just fine with some time and once he grows into his features!


Herejustforthisone · 27/10/2022 22:17

Sandcastlesinthesky · 27/10/2022 21:08

@Cuppasoupmonster speaking as someone with a disfiguring birthmark that’s undergone lots of invasive treatment, and been verbally and physically abused I can tell you the ‘woman’ you mention got lucky if that’s the case. Facial difference can be very difficult to deal with. That’s why we have charities like changing faces. I was simply offering some perspective.

This is the postnatal depression board. Your first post was horrible and you should ask for it to be removed.

I’m sorry if you’ve had a traumatic time, but this isn’t your thread, it’s a thread for a woman who had a baby five days ago and feels very sad. We’re trying to support her. Punishing her with whataboutery isn’t right.


Itstheimplication · 27/10/2022 22:17

OP most babies look like little old men! My darling boy looked like a wizened little monk with a funny band of hair. He doesn’t look like that now 😂

sometimes this is a little bit of anxiety creeping in, looking for something to worry about. I’m sure your baby is gorgeous and once he unsquishes a bit he will start looking less like an old man.


Georgeskitchen · 27/10/2022 22:18

Newborn babies tend to look as if their skin is a bit too big for them. Dont worry, they grow into it 😀


LesleyA · 27/10/2022 22:19

Looks like a potato hilarious (unless of course it’s your potato). My sisters baby girl had a potato head with just the biggest face and really looked like an old woman with no hair no wrinkled just odd. By two she was the most beautiful little girl I’d ever seen in my life and has since been asked to model so many times. The wrinkly old features fatten and fall away and at the very least if not handsome he’ll steal your heart with his smile. Have a light hearted comment shd anyone be so rude as to comment.

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