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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Worried my baby is odd looking
trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 18:33
Hello. I'm five days postpartum. Im so so ashamed to admit this - and please no hate, I already hate myself - but I can't help but feel like my baby is really odd looking. So red, and like a little old man. I thought it in the hospital, but I was so overwhelmed with love I didn't care. Since being back home, I feel like the rose tinted glasses have fallen off, and I just feel so upset. People have even said he looks like a little old man, and so red! My mum even exclaimed 'oh no he's going bright red again!' and one of the midwives. I just wish I could feel that in love feeling everyone has, and I wish I felt he was beautiful. When all the NCT women messaged photos of their babies everyone said how beautiful they were, but not for mine. I'm reluctant to even introduce him to people, in case people say other things, I feel so fragile. I can't stop crying. I want to be deliriously happy - he is here and is healthy and I am so lucky. Why do I feel like this? Needless to say, I love him and would literally do anything for him, I just hate that I feel this way and can't even talk to my partner about it. Any advice mumsnet? I'm at such a low ebb and I hate this about myself
oceanbleu · 27/10/2022 20:54
I felt the same too! I thought at the time he was a really strange looking baby and now looking back at photos, yes, I can confirm he really did look like a gremlin 😂 he kind of grew into his bulbous eyes and pointy ears.. lol. Hes very cute now though! If I do say so myself :)
Mummytotwonow · 27/10/2022 21:06
My little girl looked like a red marshmallow man face for about three weeks when she was first born 😂😂 they constantly change over the next few month and years. You are over thinking and worrying. It’s hard those first few days and weeks. Be kind to
yourself and try and get some you time when you can, have a nice bath or as much rest when you can if you have any support or help. It’s hard but gets a lot easier and is so worth it ❤️
Guessie · 27/10/2022 21:07
VikingLady · 27/10/2022 21:03
Crying laughing at this!
ElizabethBest · 27/10/2022 18:55
I work in maternity, I see a LOT of babies. 98% look like Gollum with sunburn.
Same 😂 my son looked so weird when he was born. I thought he was beautiful. I look at photos now and am like, oh...
Sandcastlesinthesky · 27/10/2022 21:08
@Cuppasoupmonster speaking as someone with a disfiguring birthmark that’s undergone lots of invasive treatment, and been verbally and physically abused I can tell you the ‘woman’ you mention got lucky if that’s the case. Facial difference can be very difficult to deal with. That’s why we have charities like changing faces. I was simply offering some perspective.
luciaann · 27/10/2022 21:11
My dd looked like a gnome and now she's so beautiful. My husband said to me the other day do we think she's super cute cos we're her parents and it's not cos I knew she wasn't a looked when she was born! They've been all squished for 9 months it takes some time but he'll get there xx
Awesomeo · 27/10/2022 21:12
Ahhh I love this thread. I've seen photos of me as a newborn and I was absolutely hideous. I looked like a furious bright red rumplestiltskin.
My mum loves to show people photos of how weird I looked as a baby. I looked lovely by about 10m though. Honestly I was the ugliest baby I've ever seen a photo of.
VikingLady · 27/10/2022 21:13
My eldest was pretty from pretty much birth. Gorgeous. People stopped us in the street to suggest baby modelling.
My second was... erm.... a surprise. He looked like Dalziel from Dalziel and Pascoe. Until he was filling his nappy - then he was the spit of Timothy West. I felt the need to apologise to DH!
He's very pretty now though!
Also don't be worried if bonding isn't instant. It might not be. It took my mum four days on average to bond with her kids. It took me months. Some people it's instant. What you see on social media IS NOT REAL. Including newborn baby photos. They're heavily posed and an awful lot of duds get thrown away.
CatWorm · 27/10/2022 21:15
Mine was purple and her whole face was just contorted into a frown. After a couple of weeks or so she looked totally different. Wide eyed, skin cleared, she started making funny little faces and she was beautiful. I did think for a moment that I was just going to have a really angry looking purple child, but I was all over the place and the voice of reason was no where in the vicinity.
Your baby won’t always be red and elderly looking and you will look back and laugh.
Flamingooooooooooooooo · 27/10/2022 21:19
Albgo · 27/10/2022 18:35
Bless you try not to be so hard on yourself. I thought my son looked like an angry red potato when he was born.
Yep, me too. For weeks. I didn’t feel that love either. I wanted her safe and well and felt a duty to protect her but nothing else. In fact, the first 24 hours I could have gone home without her and just carried on! Took a few months but we got there. Now I am bosses with her, love her so much. And she’s bloomin gorgeous. Also, I was a total mess postpartum with feelings of upset, guilt etc. Give yourself time, it’ll all come right.
Medoca · 27/10/2022 21:25
Flamingooooooooooooooo · 27/10/2022 21:19
Yep, me too. For weeks. I didn’t feel that love either. I wanted her safe and well and felt a duty to protect her but nothing else. In fact, the first 24 hours I could have gone home without her and just carried on! Took a few months but we got there. Now I am bosses with her, love her so much. And she’s bloomin gorgeous. Also, I was a total mess postpartum with feelings of upset, guilt etc. Give yourself time, it’ll all come right.
Albgo · 27/10/2022 18:35
Bless you try not to be so hard on yourself. I thought my son looked like an angry red potato when he was born.
Yes!! I felt exactly the same. It was like it was my job to do these things (I am pretty conscientious for work related tasks!). I did them, but there wasn’t this overwhelming love. Now I randomly get overwhelmed with love and teary (sometimes they are little buggers though!). As have been reading on another thread, the guilt is ridiculous, why do we as women perpetuate these ridged ideals? Everyone is different, every baby is unique, it’s silly to think we should all do/think/feel the same way - and chastise those who don live up to this unobtainable ’ideal’.
BinBandit · 27/10/2022 21:28
I feel bad saying this, but my sisters son was the ugliest baby I have ever laid eyes on. Like an eagle chick. It didn't help that my baby was 10 months old at the time, all chubby cheeks, blond curls and dimples and he was a wee 6lb-er. However, I think I'd really forgotten just how raw and new some babies look and I can confirm it wasn't long until he looked just as beautiful as other babies and he was an exceptionally cute toddler, far cuter than my own.
OP he may or may not be the most attractive baby for now, but I'm sure regardless he'll come into his own soon and you are probably not the best judge. I thought my eldest was gorgeous as a newborn (photos confirm I had rose tinted glasses) but I though my 2nd was overly round faced and funny coloured. He grew on me and grew into his face and ended up actually pretty rather than handsome as a boy and teen. Has a big curly beard now so is not pretty anymore!
cassianroared · 27/10/2022 21:31
I looked like a miniature frowning Brendan Gleeson until I was about 3 months old. Most cynical looking baby I ever saw. 😂
I've seen pictures of DH as a baby and he looks like a newborn werewolf, his shoulders were so hairy.
Get some decent photos saved for their 18th birthday op!
Msloverlover · 27/10/2022 21:45
Has your milk just come in? That’ll explain the tears if so. Honestly, you will laugh about this in the future. I’m convinced all new born babies either look like little dolls or little old men. Seems to have no bearing on how they turn out in the future!
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