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Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences, seek guidance, and connect with others who understand how you're feeling.

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Worried my baby is odd looking

189 replies

trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 18:33

Hello. I'm five days postpartum. Im so so ashamed to admit this - and please no hate, I already hate myself - but I can't help but feel like my baby is really odd looking. So red, and like a little old man. I thought it in the hospital, but I was so overwhelmed with love I didn't care. Since being back home, I feel like the rose tinted glasses have fallen off, and I just feel so upset. People have even said he looks like a little old man, and so red! My mum even exclaimed 'oh no he's going bright red again!' and one of the midwives. I just wish I could feel that in love feeling everyone has, and I wish I felt he was beautiful. When all the NCT women messaged photos of their babies everyone said how beautiful they were, but not for mine. I'm reluctant to even introduce him to people, in case people say other things, I feel so fragile. I can't stop crying. I want to be deliriously happy - he is here and is healthy and I am so lucky. Why do I feel like this? Needless to say, I love him and would literally do anything for him, I just hate that I feel this way and can't even talk to my partner about it. Any advice mumsnet? I'm at such a low ebb and I hate this about myself

OP posts:

trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 19:41

I just can't express how grateful I am to everyone for your responses. I am currently in bed, with him asleep on my chest. Firstly I basically sobbed that you don't think I'm awful and that other people have felt the same way as me. And then, oh my god, I just haven't stopped laughing at all your descriptions. I feel so ashamed by how I feel, but a little less so now. I've felt the joy really leave me over the last couple of days, I'm sure it must be baby blues as I was ecstatic the day before, and then boom, woke up and couldn't stop crying so hopefully this is that. But either way, you've shown me it's possible to be a bit more light-hearted about it all. I may well have given birth to Yoda but hes my little Yoda. Thank you mumsnet you are a godsend.

OP posts:

escapingthecity · 27/10/2022 19:44

They look super scrunchy at first, then like an old man alien and it takes a few weeks for their faces to chub up and smooth out enough to be cute. I adored my babies but I would be the first to say they went through phases of looking quite weird!


WonderingWanda · 27/10/2022 19:45

Mu son was bright red, enormous with really big hands and feet and also had a battered and misshapen face from the forceps. I remember feeling a bit deflated and actually bursting into tears when I saw him next to someone else's newborn. I was also really exhausted from a long hard labour. I'm not sure I felt an instant rush of love and adoration but it definitely came and he was very quickly the most gorgeous but strapping baby, toddler, preschooler, school boy and now teenager. He is genuinely going to he a heartbreaker. Give it a bit of time op, I sure you will feel better about it soon x x


MysteryBelle · 27/10/2022 19:47

Hey, every baby looks like an old man. My son looked like Winston Churchill. I am not kidding. He is a gorgeous handsome teenager now the girls have been chasing, I mean literally chasing 😂, since he was 4 years old.


RiceRiceBaby16 · 27/10/2022 19:47

He’s just 5 days old, give the lad a chance 😂❤️ but I don’t mean to laugh, just remembering the “ugly” babies I’d seen who are now ADORABLE at 6 months. I think newborns are rarely “cute”. For how small they are, perhaps, but otherwise…you’re left wondering if they look more like an old man or an alien


DashDotCom · 27/10/2022 19:48

Just like a few others I wanted to reassure you I thought my son was the most beautiful baby to grace the earth, when people commented on him being cute I thought to myself “yes, he really is.” (cringe, blame being delusional on lack of sleep…?)
looking back he was definitely a potato, a potato with a yellow glow from jaundice n all.
id like to think he’s a handsome little dude now but maybe I’m still delusional 😀
congratulations on your baby, be kind to yourself, hormones are rough 💜


GelatoQueen · 27/10/2022 19:49

@trafficcone34 glad you are feeling better.


Wiluli · 27/10/2022 19:50

My oldest was so ugly the first week , I feel terrible saying this but he really was , then he became the most stunning toddler that everyone commented on . It’s lease stop worrying , your baby will be beautiful


Dolallytats · 27/10/2022 19:50

My 9year old was not pretty when she was born. I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking oh my god, a baby Heather Trott!! Of course, she is the most beautiful and wonderful little girl to ever walk this earth Grin


CLLock · 27/10/2022 19:50

Please be reassured that most babies I've seen, my own included are not picture perfect when they're born or for a good time afterwards! Especially if they've come out vaginally. My daughter was 9lb 5oz and I was pushing an hour. She came out and my husband asked the midwives if her nose would go down Confused
She was so puffed up and her nose was squashed bless her. She looked like this for a couple of weeks then the puffiness went down. She was a bigger baby so had a bit of weight to her for a bit.
My son was born early 8lb 8oz and he came out looking like an old man and did so for weeks afterwards! I think boys do and I don't think boys clothes help either!
Please be reassured that all your feeling is normal.


Patapouf · 27/10/2022 19:55

Most babies are ugly still at 5 days old, give him a few weeks.


Flubadubba · 27/10/2022 19:55

My daughter had the wonkiest eyes I had ever seen when she was born, to the extent that the first thing I said when I saw her was "oh. She's all wonky..."

Now age 3, we constantly get told how pretty she is!


minipie · 27/10/2022 19:56

Both my babies looked very odd to the extent that they were thought to have dysmorphic features and had blood tests done for chromosomal/genetic issues.

They are both genetically standard issue it turned out but DD1 had been very squashed by the birth and DD2 was just a bit odd looking bless her!

Poor girl looked even worse at a few weeks old, having grown a ginger tonsure, baby acne and several chins. By 7/8 months she was very pretty though.

As a PP says they go through phases… have the camera ready when they are going through a good one!


Cuppasoupmonster · 27/10/2022 19:56

My baby seemed to change daily at that age, 5 days is really nothing, he’ll look like a different kid in a month’s time! Some of the descriptions here though I’m howling 😂


Luredbyapomegranate · 27/10/2022 19:56

Albgo · 27/10/2022 18:35

Bless you try not to be so hard on yourself. I thought my son looked like an angry red potato when he was born.


Most of the one’s I see look like Winston Churchill or Chairman Mao.

Don’t worry about it, newborns are rarely very pretty. You will miss you little red potato when he grows out of it.


minipie · 27/10/2022 19:57

(Joking by the way about camera during the good phases, before anyone jumps on me.)


LaMadrilena · 27/10/2022 20:01

Mine had a hairy back, shoulders and ears for months, and loads of those little white spots whose name I can't remember. She's flipping gorgeous now, and was from very soon after birth. You'll see how yours does the same.

Also, I don't think there's any such thing as an ugly baby. There was a kid if about 1 in the supermarket queue the other day with the most severe squint I've ever seen, and he was still ridiculously cute!


Herejustforthisone · 27/10/2022 20:06

They’re all total monsters when they’re born. Scrawny little aliens with bird legs. Mine reminded me of Voldemort under the bench at Kings Cross. People used to tell me he was lovely and I’d laugh at them because they were trying to be polite. They grow out of it. They start to look human really, really fast.


Sindonym · 27/10/2022 20:06

All 3 of mine looked exactly the same - funny little wrinkled scrunched up old men. I honestly just love the the newborn look, it is so funny. I bet your baby is adorable.


SpaceJamtart · 27/10/2022 20:08

My girls were the ugliest little things when they were born. Small, skinny and purple with massive black eyes- they looked like rat babies and I felt so guilty that I didn't think they were cute, I thought I was an awful mum. It didn't help that they were also called creepy and scary by multiple other people until they were 5 mths old (calm babies with a lot of hair and very big dark eyes - like having identical haunted dolls)
They got a lot cuter when they could smile and giggle 8and they are honestly very pretty children now.

You are not a bad person, your baby is so new and its a massive hormonal upheaval and there is a weird pressure to find everything beautiful and perfect and to be filled with instant love. That doesn't always happen but it does not mean that you won't feel all that stuff soon. It took quite a few weeks for me- and its totally fine.


DozyFox · 27/10/2022 20:09

All newborn babies are ugly - that's part of their charm, I think! You're just being honest. Don't worry about it.


OohMrBingley · 27/10/2022 20:09

Yep, this is absolutely, perfectly normal, and has no bearing on how they will turn out!


userxx · 27/10/2022 20:10

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 27/10/2022 18:37

All babies look funny. The only thing that comes beautifully formed is a puppy! Grin

So true, and that saw dust smell 😍

OP, I'm sure you're baby is absolutely lovely, in time you'll see the beauty.


Bluekerfuffle · 27/10/2022 20:10

I went to a baby massage group for recently born babies, all about a month old at the most. I remember thinking, phew, it’s not just mine that looks like a scrawny little alien. They all get much better looking as they fill out in the next few months.


Bluetrews25 · 27/10/2022 20:11

Ah sweetheart, please don't worry.
You've spent the last 9 months carrying this little chap around like a brick in a rucksack, having one way conversations with him and maybe imagining what he would look like.
And of course, when he 'pops' (yeah, sure!) out, you don't recognise him, and he looks like his own face, which you have not seen before, and he's just Not What You Were Expecting. And I have no idea why this was a surprise to me, that I didn't recognise someone I'd never seen before.

My oldest had a hairy forehead, and my youngest had very prominent lips. But they looked a lot better very quickly.

Those happy feelings will come back very very soon Flowers

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