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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Worried my baby is odd looking

189 replies

trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 18:33

Hello. I'm five days postpartum. Im so so ashamed to admit this - and please no hate, I already hate myself - but I can't help but feel like my baby is really odd looking. So red, and like a little old man. I thought it in the hospital, but I was so overwhelmed with love I didn't care. Since being back home, I feel like the rose tinted glasses have fallen off, and I just feel so upset. People have even said he looks like a little old man, and so red! My mum even exclaimed 'oh no he's going bright red again!' and one of the midwives. I just wish I could feel that in love feeling everyone has, and I wish I felt he was beautiful. When all the NCT women messaged photos of their babies everyone said how beautiful they were, but not for mine. I'm reluctant to even introduce him to people, in case people say other things, I feel so fragile. I can't stop crying. I want to be deliriously happy - he is here and is healthy and I am so lucky. Why do I feel like this? Needless to say, I love him and would literally do anything for him, I just hate that I feel this way and can't even talk to my partner about it. Any advice mumsnet? I'm at such a low ebb and I hate this about myself

OP posts:

Vapeyvapevape · 27/10/2022 19:05

2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/10/2022 18:52

my DD looked like an alien, all bruised and squashed from forceps delivery, puce colored and a wee angry face. Every other baby had lovely eyelashes. She had none, but did have little hairy tufts on her pointed ears (!) and back. She was a sight to behold, and I did compare her unfavorably, in total secret. Grew to be beautiful, in the end.

My DS looked like the angriest, most disgusted creature when he appeared. Side eyes, frowns and wrinkles.

This too shall pass. Be kind to yourself, OP. Bet she's just gorgeous.

My dd had black tufts of hair on her ears , she was a shade of magenta that is fine if you're a gladioli not so much a baby , her nose was really wide too , she had baby eczema and so looked like a magenta Jersey Royal that had walked into a door.
She soon turned a normal shade of human, her nose settled down and the eczema went away, the hairy ears lasted a bit longer but made her look like a pixie which was cute.


NC12345665 · 27/10/2022 19:08

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 27/10/2022 18:37

All babies look funny. The only thing that comes beautifully formed is a puppy! Grin

Newborn puppies are ugly little rats.


Roxybabe · 27/10/2022 19:10

My niece looks like a scrunched up potato! I wasn't a beautiful baby, cute in a funny way but not beautiful, now shes 8 and shes a complete stunner! They change so much! Honestly don't worry and enjoy him!!!


ittakes2 · 27/10/2022 19:13

I ashamed to say this but one of my first thoughts when I gave birth to my adorable son was he looked like Ronald MacDonald. But babies grow fast and he was very soon a gorgeous baby and is now a very handsome teen.


KvotheTheBloodless · 27/10/2022 19:14

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 27/10/2022 18:53

Speaking as a midwife not all babies look like old men . Some are smooth & beautiful straight away . But let’s be honest not all toddlers are beautiful either or older children. I would speak with your midwife or hv if you are feeling anxious. I’m sure your son will be just right for you & your family.

Wow, I bet you're a delight to work with! I'm glad you were not my midwife.


TheTeddyBears · 27/10/2022 19:14

Honestly some babies do look strange and like little old men when newborn. They usually totally change though as they get older. Try not to worry and just enjoy the newborn cuddles.

My daughter had a full head of thick black hair and looked a bit tanned at first. The hair fell out and was she was badly for ages then it all came in blonde and she is def not tanned now lol. Hard to believe it's the same child!


miltonj · 27/10/2022 19:15

Babies grow into their faces! Give it a couple of months and you'll wonder why you were ever worried.

Also my 2nd was soooo red at first but it fades to regular skin tone after a few weeks don't worry.


RefuseTheLies · 27/10/2022 19:17

I kept asking the midwives why DD2 was so violently pink. My husband’s first words when he saw her were ‘eugh’ 🤣


shivawn · 27/10/2022 19:19

My baby just turned a year old last week so I've been getting loads of Facebook memories popping up of him as a newborn and he totally looked like a wrinkled old man....even worse when all his hair fell out on top but not at the sides! He is an adorable chubby toddler now who is almost unrecognisable from those early photos!


BetterBeCarefulBoysYouJustMightSetTheWorldOnFire · 27/10/2022 19:19

My eldest looked like an elderly Chinese man, my younger daughter like a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest before it got feathers and been mauled by a cat. Both very lovely looking girls now. It's just how your baby blues are manifesting. Try not to worry, you'll laugh about this one day soon.


Bingobangodrinkacanoftango · 27/10/2022 19:19

I had a beautiful, peaceful homebirth with my second and he came out looking like an 90d Boglin toy. Honestly he was a truly ugly baby 😂 within a few weeks after the battering birth apparently gave him he looked like a perfectly beautiful little baby. They all look like lil old men but some look like they’ve had a harder life than others. Please reach out to those around you if you are struggling to bond, there is no shame and feeling like you are feeling is ok but might be an indication that you need some extra support. Hormones can be a bitch and know that instantaneous rush of love can take time. Be kind to yourself.


SarahAndQuack · 27/10/2022 19:20

My daughter looked, literally, like one of those troll dolls you used to buy. And the hair wasn't just on her head - she had a furry back, front, and (the worst!) furry ears and forehead. She honestly made me understand those myths about half-human-half-bear babies. Plus she was all puffed up from DP's GD and drips, and had forceps marks on her forehead.

All, but all, babies look odd at some point. If you have a gorgeous-looking, 'cute' newborn, I guarantee you will end up with the comedy bald spots or whatever later on.

On a serious note - I think it is so strange, because you've nine months imagining this person inside you, and then suddenly, they're there - and it's not what you expected! It's a shock.


LeMoo · 27/10/2022 19:21

Oh love, please don't hate yourself or be ashamed!

All newborns look like wrinkly potatoes, they all bloom in their own time. It takes a few days for some, a couple of years for others but most look like cute babies within a few weeks.

Be really, really kind to yourself Flowers


KitchenSupper · 27/10/2022 19:23

The really beautiful age is six to nine months. Newborn is hit and miss. One of mine was like a beautiful doll, the other like a squashed monkey complete with a full face of hair (it fell out quickly). The beautiful one had her potato stage later, the squashed one improved.


Mammajay · 27/10/2022 19:23

I felt like this. Somebody on the ward must have noticed something because I felt ashamed. She came over to me and said I know how you feel because I felt the same. They change all the time and my child (she said) is a beautiful two year old now. Her second child was a tiny doll like baby. Your son will be gorgeous!


BarnacleNora · 27/10/2022 19:25

My baby was fucking massive at birth and he seemed to have all that weight in his cheeks which took over his entire face (and not in a good way he looked like he'd been the victim of some sort of weird medicine). He had a double crown so severe that it formed a spike of hair right on top of his head. One of his eyes didn't open properly for weeks. He had a beaky little nose poking out from his massive cheeks that looked exactly like Danny Devito's when he was playing the Penguin in the Batman film.

Oh and he also developed newborn acne. And also kept going red.

He turned out absolutely gorgeous and I was obsessed with him, just like I was with his older brother who had been born with unearthly good looks, no newborn should have looked that beautiful. Didn't matter, the love was exactly the same for my weird one eyed potato baby!

This part of postpartum is incredibly rough. Your milk is coming in (even if you're not breastfeeding, the hormones still do their thing) and it's a hell of a ride. Do talk to your HV about how you're feeling and be honest, they won't judge you or anything like that, their role is to support. But I promise your baby will start to blossom soon and you will hopefully feel much better soon once this hormone fest is settled. But if you don't then definitely seek help because there is a lot out there for you.


HaveYouSeenNancy · 27/10/2022 19:31

My dd was a massive newborn, but I thought she was beautiful. Until about day 3 or 4 when I clocked her resemblance to Les Dawson and spent about a week being very very upset about it. One of us must've grown out of it by the time she was a couple of months old because when dh reminded me, I'd completely forgotten. I think it's your hormones op.


LidlCinnamonBun · 27/10/2022 19:31

Most babies look like raw chickens. They usually turn out lovely, sometimes it takes a while.
In their first few days of their life they have been a bit bashed around by the birth process (and you have you so take care 💐).


opoponax · 27/10/2022 19:34

Oh you poor thing. It will just be hormones flying all over the place and it affects everyone differently. About five weeks after my DS was born all his hair fell out and he kept turning red yet I was so deluded about how he looked. I looked back at photos recently and I was struck that he actually looked like an alien. It all turned out well and he is a very handsome nineteen year old now... and it's not just me thinking it!


glassfully · 27/10/2022 19:34

Very very few babies escape survive labour with their looks in tact. It could be worse, I genuinely thought my DD was the most beautiful baby ever and didn't hide it. Every time someone commented that she was beautiful I would answer "isn't she?? Isn't she gorgeous??" with what could only be described as a manic expression on my face. I didn't realise how deformed she looked as a newborn until she was about a year old. She was constantly purple, very hairy, her head was badly misshapen and her face so swollen she could barely open her eyes. There was even a dent on the side of her head from where her fist had been pressing into it while she was running out of room inside me. And there I was feeling sorry for other mums who babies weren't as pretty as mine. I told my sister when the realisation hit and she just said "yeah, me and mum didn't have the heart to tell you. It was really funny though"


Loungingstevens · 27/10/2022 19:35

I have PM’ed you


GelatoQueen · 27/10/2022 19:35

Oh OP your message made me go and look at the photos taken immediately after my DS was born - squashed face (check), chunky (check), grumpy looking (check), bright red (check), looked like Grandad on a very bad day (check). He didn't improve quickly - we had that newborn rash, then baby acne, then cradle cap, then eczema .... but i have some absolutely gorgeous photos of him about 4 months old during the period everyone thought he was a girl followed by his 'angelic' period at 12 months

Conversely he had lovely teeth as a toddler / young child but now we have been referred to an orthodontist .... you never know what will be round the corner with children so try just to be in the moment and take it for what it is. It will get better ...


FaffingChampion · 27/10/2022 19:36

My first was gorgeous and smelled heavenly. Second was red and looked constantly cross. And didn’t even smell good! I can’t say it didn’t impact initial bonding a bit. He grew into the most gorgeous toddler though and we have a very special bond.


Smallonesaremorejuicy · 27/10/2022 19:37

KvotheTheBloodless · 27/10/2022 19:14

Wow, I bet you're a delight to work with! I'm glad you were not my midwife.

Of course I don’t say your baby looks like an old man ! Lol . After helping the woman through her labour I’m always genuinely pleased for her . Also I always say “ you’re beautiful baby is here”


Dibbydoos · 27/10/2022 19:39

My son was a FLK when he was born, but he was a big baby so got all squashed and had burst blood vessels under the skin. He was yellow - but not ill jaundice, breast milk jaundice - until he was a few months old and he was as bald as a coot. He was so cuddly and lovely though, always happy.

At 6 months he became the most beautiful baby, his blond hair had grown, he'd filled out his face - it was like it happened overnight - and he's a very handsome 20yo now.

Your baby will be the same. He's just been through mega trauma poor thing give him a little time. And don't care what others say. 💕

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