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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Worried my baby is odd looking

189 replies

trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 18:33

Hello. I'm five days postpartum. Im so so ashamed to admit this - and please no hate, I already hate myself - but I can't help but feel like my baby is really odd looking. So red, and like a little old man. I thought it in the hospital, but I was so overwhelmed with love I didn't care. Since being back home, I feel like the rose tinted glasses have fallen off, and I just feel so upset. People have even said he looks like a little old man, and so red! My mum even exclaimed 'oh no he's going bright red again!' and one of the midwives. I just wish I could feel that in love feeling everyone has, and I wish I felt he was beautiful. When all the NCT women messaged photos of their babies everyone said how beautiful they were, but not for mine. I'm reluctant to even introduce him to people, in case people say other things, I feel so fragile. I can't stop crying. I want to be deliriously happy - he is here and is healthy and I am so lucky. Why do I feel like this? Needless to say, I love him and would literally do anything for him, I just hate that I feel this way and can't even talk to my partner about it. Any advice mumsnet? I'm at such a low ebb and I hate this about myself

OP posts:

AbsoluteTruths · 27/10/2022 18:49

Grant Mitchell in drag 😂


OrangePomander · 27/10/2022 18:50

Dc1 wasn’t the greatest looking -red, scrawny with a misshapen head covered in patchy hair. The photos confirm this! Within weeks this had all changed for the better.

Dc2 in contrast was lovely right from birth. They all turn out great in the end though!


HumpHumpWhale · 27/10/2022 18:50

DS looked like a giant salamander. Then he got baby acne. He cutened up in a couple of weeks. Being a bit realistic about how your baby looks is not a bad thing, it just feels that way because you're exhausted and hormonal. Day 5 is so so bad for the hormones and the exhaustion and the initial adrenaline wearing off... you'll more than likely feel better soon. But equally, you may have PND that's making you think he's ugly when he isn't, so if you don't start feeling better, do get help sooner rather than later.


2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/10/2022 18:52

my DD looked like an alien, all bruised and squashed from forceps delivery, puce colored and a wee angry face. Every other baby had lovely eyelashes. She had none, but did have little hairy tufts on her pointed ears (!) and back. She was a sight to behold, and I did compare her unfavorably, in total secret. Grew to be beautiful, in the end.

My DS looked like the angriest, most disgusted creature when he appeared. Side eyes, frowns and wrinkles.

This too shall pass. Be kind to yourself, OP. Bet she's just gorgeous.


Smallonesaremorejuicy · 27/10/2022 18:53

Speaking as a midwife not all babies look like old men . Some are smooth & beautiful straight away . But let’s be honest not all toddlers are beautiful either or older children. I would speak with your midwife or hv if you are feeling anxious. I’m sure your son will be just right for you & your family.


Itisbetter · 27/10/2022 18:54

First they look all red and wrinkled and then like little bank managers, and then you convince yourself they’re wise as wise…then they crack their first smile and you realise what crazy goofballs they are. Congratulations you have a baby and it’s going to be much more intense than you could ever imagine, but so so lovely.


ElizabethBest · 27/10/2022 18:55

I work in maternity, I see a LOT of babies. 98% look like Gollum with sunburn.


kenadams86 · 27/10/2022 18:56

I suspect You are in the throws of emotional baby blues right now. I was so emotional around day 5 for all my kids. Try not to be too hard on yourself, I'm sure he's very cute and most babies look like little scrunched up old men at this stage. My kids changed and grew so quickly.Give yourself some time. Skin to skin and snuggles may help.


AllThatAndMore · 27/10/2022 18:56

I had an “old man” baby ! He grew out of it and he’s now an incredibly handsome 3 year old . I noticed around 3 months that he started to outgrow a lot of his features but it was really after 1 that I saw it .


BeanieTeen · 27/10/2022 18:56

What you’ve described just sounds like a normal baby to me 🤷‍♀️


maddiemookins16mum · 27/10/2022 18:56

Oh my, this takes me back 17 years to my then 6 day old DD - she was not a pretty newborn. She had a screwed up face, was red a lot of the time, screamed a lot and I felt awful hating that she was not the perfect pink newborn.

About 10 days later she actually started looking a bit more ‘normal’.


littlejo67 · 27/10/2022 18:57

My son looked like ET when he was born. Very scrawny, red and wrinkly with a massive head not in proportion to his body. He became a very attractive baby. Give it a few months.


magma32 · 27/10/2022 18:58

Both my newborns (boy and girl) looked like little squished aliens especially as they were low birth weight. Within a couple of months they started looking like cute little humans. I am having a third and certain he/she too will have the same look.


PizzaTonight · 27/10/2022 18:58

You poor thing! You sound so upset and anxious and I remember that feeling so well after my first baby was born.

Please don’t feel your baby is ugly! Babies are often weird looking little things when they’re first born.

My DS was gorgeous, so I was not prepared for my DD, who was a pale, anaemia looking little mouse with funny little chicken legs (I thought there was something wrong with her legs for weeks! The irony is she is a semi-professional sports person now and looks like a bloody model to boot!).

Don’t beat yourself up. You might find you feel differently in a few weeks time when you get past this hormonal, knackered period immediately post birth. If you don’t, do talk to your HV.


kenadams86 · 27/10/2022 18:58

To add - my son was a beautiful newborn but as he gained weight and lost his hair he kind of looked like a goblin for a while but now he is the most delicious toddler I've ever seen


magma32 · 27/10/2022 18:59

of course if these feelings get abit much please see your GP or midwife.


Jackiebrambles · 27/10/2022 18:59

This sounds like bang on time for baby blues. Totally normal, and should pass soon.

About 4 days after my ds was born I sat on the sofa wailing crying that I was a shit mum and he'd be better off without me. I just couldn't stop crying.

Congratulations on your baby. Who I am sure is beautiful.


dementedma · 27/10/2022 19:00

My sis and I have 8 dcs between us. Of those my dd2 and her ds2 were gorgeous babies. Of the rest...not so much! Her DS 1 was probably the ugliest baby ever...even she says so. A huge nose, a few wisps of ginger hair and baby acne!
Fast forward 20 odd years. He is now a junior doctor, fabulous red hair and beard and absolutely gorgeous. They all grow into themselves. Dont worry


Hohofortherobbers · 27/10/2022 19:00

You will look back at these pictures with so much love. They do look a bit alien at first, don't worry, he'll plump up and smile and look even more gorgeous


Jackiebrambles · 27/10/2022 19:00

ElizabethBest · 27/10/2022 18:55

I work in maternity, I see a LOT of babies. 98% look like Gollum with sunburn.



magma32 · 27/10/2022 19:01

Honestly speaking I don’t find any newborns cute or adorable etc. whether low weight or not., only after a couple of months I start thinking they’re cute and that’s not all of them.


IStandWithMaya · 27/10/2022 19:02

He will change very quickly.

One of my DSs was a red-faced old man when he was born, certainly not what people would have said was good-looking.

But my goodness, within weeks he lost his redness and his face filled out. His eyes were large and as a child he was scouted for modelling. 🤣 (I didn't let him do it).

He's much older now and is still a stunner.


Witch708 · 27/10/2022 19:02

My son looked like ET when he was born. Things improved by 4 months old when he started laying down fat. At 23 he is now rather dashing.


alwayscheery · 27/10/2022 19:02

My dad used to say ugly in the cradle beautiful at the table .
Dreadful saying but I think it might be true ans I love all babies


Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 27/10/2022 19:03

My ds was so ugly as a baby that people would bend over his pram, cooing in the usual “ooh, look, a bootiful baba” way, then actually see him, and visibly recoil. I adored him (his older sister was determinedly independent from a few hours old, whereas he was incredibly snuggly), but even I could see that he wasn’t terribly good looking Grin.

He’s a perfectly normal looking 20 year old now.

FWIW, his youngest sister was a very average looking baby, and yet we couldn’t go anywhere without people stopping to tell me how cute she was. On one day I had 3 separate people ask to take her photo (foreign tourists, so not quite as weird as it sounds).

But I bet your baby is gorgeous.

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