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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Worried my baby is odd looking

189 replies

trafficcone34 · 27/10/2022 18:33

Hello. I'm five days postpartum. Im so so ashamed to admit this - and please no hate, I already hate myself - but I can't help but feel like my baby is really odd looking. So red, and like a little old man. I thought it in the hospital, but I was so overwhelmed with love I didn't care. Since being back home, I feel like the rose tinted glasses have fallen off, and I just feel so upset. People have even said he looks like a little old man, and so red! My mum even exclaimed 'oh no he's going bright red again!' and one of the midwives. I just wish I could feel that in love feeling everyone has, and I wish I felt he was beautiful. When all the NCT women messaged photos of their babies everyone said how beautiful they were, but not for mine. I'm reluctant to even introduce him to people, in case people say other things, I feel so fragile. I can't stop crying. I want to be deliriously happy - he is here and is healthy and I am so lucky. Why do I feel like this? Needless to say, I love him and would literally do anything for him, I just hate that I feel this way and can't even talk to my partner about it. Any advice mumsnet? I'm at such a low ebb and I hate this about myself

OP posts:
Albgo · 27/10/2022 18:35

Bless you try not to be so hard on yourself. I thought my son looked like an angry red potato when he was born.

Newpuppymummy · 27/10/2022 18:36

I’m not suggesting you post a photo of him but I can guarantee that if you did everybody would think he was adorable.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 27/10/2022 18:37

All babies look funny. The only thing that comes beautifully formed is a puppy! Grin

Bestcatmum · 27/10/2022 18:37

That's quite normal. Ds looked awful when he was born with a strange head, massive chin and yes bright red. I thought I'd given birth to an alien baby.
By the time he was 2 he was the most adorable, handsome curly headed blond angel ever. Do not despair.

Choconut · 27/10/2022 18:37

Mine looked battered for the first few weeks bless him, he also scratched his face any chance he got so looked even worse! He was very red too. Turned out perfectly normal though and is a teenager now!
If you're feeling low please consider talking to your midwife about possible PND. I promise your little one will turn out fine though!

SunshineClouds1 · 27/10/2022 18:38

You need to bring up how your feeling with your GP/HV.

Babies take afew weeks I think to settle. They've been in water for 9 month, after a 30 min bath I'm not the best to look at.

I remember looking at my child and thinking he was like a scrunched up old man with no teeth. But honestly, they all turn out beautiful.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2022 18:38

Don't worry, they all look like angry red-faced old men, even the girls. Then they get cuter and cuter, but you absolutely can't predict what they will finally look like from how they look as new babies.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 27/10/2022 18:39

Some babies are beautiful. Some are uggers. Some are in between.

Ive had an old man baby (DS1), an absolutely beautiful baby (DS2) and one who looked almost exactly like Genghis Khan (DS3).

also, day 5 is prime hormone time. Do not beat yourself up about this. This too will pass Flowers

comfyoldcardi · 27/10/2022 18:39

Give him a few weeks. My DC was small for dates/IUGR and looked like a wizened acorn. Even my mum told me not to share the first photo. By 6 weeks they had filled out and looked perfectly normal.

IggityZiggity · 27/10/2022 18:39

You are 5 days post partum. Tired, emotional and probably culture ahocked. Cut yourself some slack. All newborns look scrunched up and funny. Can you tell yourself not to give this too much headspace for now and check back in a week with it? You might find you feel differently. X

absolutehush · 27/10/2022 18:40

When my daughter was born she was tiny, red and wrinkly and had loads of hair. I always thought she looked a bit... ugly. Give it a few weeks and he'll come into himself - don't worry. And you'll realise he is gorgeous!

And also I've received many many many photos of other peoples newborns and have always replied 'gorgeous' or 'so sweet' and have always always thought 'that baby looks like a potato/old man'. Most people look back at their newborn photos and think 'why did I think that baby was cute?'

If you still feel worried about this, or low in a few days maybe have a chat with your GP or midwife in case you have a bit of PND/low mood.

KoalaPineapple · 27/10/2022 18:40

I promise he’ll change so much and so quickly and you’ll look back on your pictures and miss your little newborn red faced old man! I know that’s how I feel now! But saying that I can guarantee he’s adorable it’s just such a hard time with a fresh newborn, you got this mama!

Luckycatt · 27/10/2022 18:41

5 days is about the time the birth hormones leave, aren't they? That drop in endorphins we call the baby blues. So almost anything you feel right now will probably not be how you feel in a few days.

Also, they all come out scrunched up and red. They've had to squeeze through your pelvis and it's not easy. They stretch out and get cute after a few weeks, I promise.

Luckycatt · 27/10/2022 18:42

Try smelling them. They all look a bit wierd but smell amazing! Not when they've done a poo, though.

chillipopcorn · 27/10/2022 18:43

My littlest twin looked like Mr Burns for a few months - overbite, very scrawny and bald haha. I adored her but I did realise how she looked and was aware she wasn't the most gorgeous! She's never fattened up (never got those amazing chunky rolls I admired on other peoples babies!) but is an objectively beautiful child now!

AbsoluteTruths · 27/10/2022 18:44

I thought my ds was the most beautiful baby that ever lived, banged on and on to dh that I know everyone thinks their baby is beautiful but ours really really is.

Looked back at the pictures recently (ds is now 18) and I cringed so badly. He was pot ugly, bald, red as a belisha beacon, wrinkly, contorted features, pointy head from ventous and with a black eye. I saw none of it at the time. I think all babies look at bit odd when so new to be honest.

maryberryslayers · 27/10/2022 18:44

DS was gorgeous immediately. DD looked like a toad. I can confirm, after week or so, she was beautiful and is a gorgeous toddler.
Some babies just take a while to stop looking a pit puffy and red after birth.
Don't worry.

RedHelenB · 27/10/2022 18:44

Each new baby is the most beautiful and the best. That's all you need to think
Enjoy, you don't get that unconditional love a baby gives you many times in your life.

Hugasauras · 27/10/2022 18:45

All newborns look like little old men. They're scrunched up, weird colours, really squashy noses, blotchy and still covered in vernix. Totally normal. My DD2 also scratched herself a whopper the day after she was born so she looked like she'd gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. Of course she's now the most beautiful baby there ever was Grin

Blossomandbee · 27/10/2022 18:45

Day 5 is when your hormones drop through the floor. I was in floods of tears over nothing! Plus you have the birth to get over and tiredness.
Please be kind to yourself. I'm sure he's beautiful. Lots of newborn babies are red, squashed and funny looking.
If you really feel he's too red then get him checked out for your own peace of mind, but I'm sure he's absolutely fine.

socksandvests · 27/10/2022 18:45

We called mine the red lobster he was born, he was so wrinkly and red, he really wasn't cute at all! It was quite a shock as my first child wasn't like that. It didn't last long though, maybe a month??

Most babies are pretty funny looking and squished when they are born. Once they start packing on the weight they start to fill out they look more like "babies" rather than old men.

Try and see all the positive things like he is healthy, he smells amazing and the cute little snuffly noises he makes.

Most of all, don't worry he won't be a lobster for long xxx

Hugasauras · 27/10/2022 18:46

comfyoldcardi · 27/10/2022 18:39

Give him a few weeks. My DC was small for dates/IUGR and looked like a wizened acorn. Even my mum told me not to share the first photo. By 6 weeks they had filled out and looked perfectly normal.

Wizened acorn has really made me laugh 😂😂😂 Bless.

DD1 was a hefty bald baby and I put her in a dress someone had given us. She looked like Grant Mitchell in drag.

softplayfail · 27/10/2022 18:47

My daughter was 4 weeks early. She was skinny and her head appeared even bigger than a usual newborn because she was so scrawny.
She was purple for her first couple of days because she got cold so quick and then she was red, plus she lost all her hair at the front so looked like a skinny angry 70 year old man.
Newborns are funny looking. They've been soaking in water for 9 months and everything gets squished. I guarantee your little one is gorgeous as he is

mintich · 27/10/2022 18:48

As everyone has said, most babies look like old men when they were newborns. They change so much as the weeks go on. Don't despair!

nopenotplaying · 27/10/2022 18:48

I had one yellow and twin and one red. One had pop eyes like a frog to go with the look.

Hormones are rife just now, make sure you keep talking to those around you xxxx

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