Anxiety and worry

[sunandfire]

I should have been posting these kind of concerns in this topic, but I've been posting them in the 'Pregnancy' topic and not quite gotten the understanding I need (didn't even realise there was an 'antenatal/postnatal depression' topic).

I've suffered from generalised anxiety, OCD and health anxiety for several years now, but I'm having a lot of health-related anxiety about my baby's health in this pregnancy, and it's very much based on the fact that I'm "carrying small".

I wasn't expecting to "carry small", and the moment I noticed that my bump was a fair bit smaller than other women's bumps at my gestation, the worry began. I'm 29 weeks on the dot today, a first time mum-to-be and I just can't get my head around how an healthy-sized 29-week-gestation baby can possibly this small bump of mine. Thing is, I'm measuring fine (although I've convinced myself that the MW who took my fundal height measurement did it wrong or something), and midwives and doctors haven't expressed any concern, but I'm terrified that there's something they might not have picked up.

The bump is just one of many bodily-related worries concerning the pregnancy. I'm so exhausted from the anxiety, I don't even have the energy to write this thread with the depth that it needs.

I'm just terrified that my baby won't make it to full term, or will stop growing, or will be too small, or that something will generally go wrong. These thoughts/fears have been utterly consuming me...

😣

[sunandfire]

Would just like to add that I've been religiously checking the scale to monitor my weight gain, observing my bump, sucking my belly in to get a sense of how much of my bump is bloat and how much is actual baby, trying to take my own fundal height measurement but not quite knowing where the public bone starts or finishes... These kind of rituals have been governing me, and driving me to insanity! I just want to know that my baby is a healthy size, is growing, and is growing at a healthy rate!