To think there isn’t a way of getting kids to listen to you without yelling your head off

[stressedoutandoverwhelmed]

Fully expecting to be told I’m totally unreasonable here but I have not found one if one exists

I have read the books

the book you wish your parents had read
how to talk so little kids will listen

I am sure there is another I can’t remember

and none of the techniques work.

is this just life now? It’s depressing and miserable if so. I’m starting to think that that’s just parenting though.

I know my own children, they’ve had routines since a few months old. They don’t respond to praise. They are just unpleasant children. Nothing else to be said.

I wouldn't worry. I had five kids in seven years and yelling was quite often the only way to be heard above the general chaos. They're all adults now and don't seem to have suffered 'stress' from a parent losing her rag with them on the regular.

This is sad. They can’t all be unpleasant by nature.

Thanks, I’m really worn down tonight and was so tempted to just walk out. I’m fed up of being ignored.

You’re teaching them that shouting and getting annoyed is the answer. Then you wonder why they don’t behave well!

uou need to reset your own approach and expectations if you want anything to change.

I wouldn’t have necessarily agreed until these last two weeks and I’ve found I’m shouting every day at my 5 yo and 2 yo for very very very basic instructions or behaviour. Things we have done dozens of times. Tired of asking nicely 29 times

I suspect your dc are very small which is why you don’t want to give their ages.

How much 1:1 time do you give them? Without distractions of TV or phones, actual 1:1 time with you?

How old are your children op?

I see the book you listed in the op is ‘How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen’. So your dc are little then, not older kids.

Why post then? You think your own children are just unpleasant. I'm beginning to see the problem.

Yelling worked on me when my mother did it. You knew you were in the shit when she started yelling and stopped messing about.

As far as you know. I would never tell my DM the way in which her frequently flying off the handle affected me because she did her best, but it really has had a lasting impact.

I think we've all been there at some point. OP is clearly at the end of her tether and having a bad time. It's horrible when your kids are playing up and everyone is saying 'be gentle, be kind, whisper, be understanding' and they are pulling the wallpaper off the walls.

Sometimes kids are just badly behaved. I don't for one moment think OP is hating her children, she's just having a bad moment.

I posted largely to vent but yes. I agree they probably take after me.

yes they are little.

@Ohfudgeoff one has quite a lot as not yet school age. The other not much at all but the younger one can’t look after themselves so … (no I don’t have anyone to take her.)

@Dalmationday that’s where I am at. It really grinds you down and takes you to a very dark place and that’s where I am. I feel like a shit person and parent but I am just at the absolute end of my rope and I really wish I could say yes I’ll try to be more positive but it just doesn’t work and I don’t know what to do

im kind of resigned to them hating me tbh

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat i really do appreciate that, you’re right and I don’t hate them but the culmination of some behaviour is really getting to me and they won’t stop

Sometimes you do need to yell - ultimately your job is to keep the little darlings alive !

Honestly OP as long as you mostly talk to them and explain why they need to do what you want it will be fine in the end .

We all have bad days but now mine are not far off adulthood on the whole we reason and talk and I can’t remember the last time I yelled at anyone . It just gradually changes .

tomorrow is another day . It’s an old phrase but very true

It’s horrible because there just doesn’t seem to be any way of changing the behaviour. I know even shouting doesn’t work but it does in the moment even if they do the same thing again tomorrow it worked tonight.

What sort of things are they doing OP?

Try social stories.

1:1 time with my school age child is the single most effective tool in my arsenal. My second is too young for school, too.

You've had some good examples of how to get their attention, I feel like I've read your post or the same vibe before, you don't actually want help because you are sure your children are just horrible.

Objectively that's not true.

You need to go to your GP and ask for some help, you are not happy and that will cloud everything atm, only you can take that step.

Probably nothing that terrible but the relentlessness of it combined with the fact that they just don’t listen really gets to me.

So one big thing is dc1 (5, for those wanting to know) climbing on the table and if he climbed up and I said ‘Ds get down’ no biggie but he doesn’t. He ignores me so I have to keep telling him (and yes have tried the techniques - tell him what to do not what not to do ‘sit on the chair ds’ is ignored as is anything else tried!) and so you end up in this endless ‘Ds get down off the table; ds you’re on the table, get down DS GET DOWN NOW.’

It isn’t just that, it’s the endless demands, the mess, the foodfoodfoodfood the wiping dirty hands on the sofa 🤢 I am done parenting tonight I think and I wish I just had cats*

*I do not necessarily mean this but I am done

On that one, I’d say get off the table now, and then I would pick him up and remove him from the table, from the room if necessary. I wouldn’t explain or put it various different ways, 5 is old enough to know you don’t climb on tables (although it’s normal that they misbehave and try it anyway), so it’s get off the table, and then remove from the table.

Sorry, but in my opinion YABU. Your children are still really little. You need to change what you're doing as you might regret it in the future and it may have a lasting impact on such small kids. My parents were strict but never shouted when I was this small and this was in the 80s. I know it's not easy, it's a daily battle when kids are like this.

I’m not really looking for ideas @ToKittyornottoKitty - I can’t spend all evening lifting him on & off the table. I’m not sure why that’s any better for my sanity tbh. And runs the risk of turning it into a game as well