AIBU to stop taking calls from a friend who upsets me?

[theodextrey]

I’ve noticed recently my friend of over ten years seems to enjoy bringing up topics regarding myself that are very sensitive. She seems to bring them up for no reason at all, just to remind me how awful it is.

for example regarding my family estrangement she will say “that’s BAD! That’s so BAD!”
she doesn’t have anything kind or reassuring to say when she does this. The circumstances haven’t changed in three years but she repeatedly brings it up every three weeks.

shes also done the same over other very sensitive subjects like child abuse I went through I told her what I experienced, later on she will say that it permanently ruins a woman.

She’s done this with other topics as well. I tried to give her grace since her mother passed away recently, I think she has untreated bipolar disorder. Her husband is on drugs and can’t hold a job, she also is in her early 50s and still breastfeeding her 6 year old child because she believes it will delay menopause. I think she’s stressed and lashes out at me

I quit taking her calls because I was left feeling awful after getting off of the phone with her.
She’s done this with other topics like my suicidal depression, told me she has no sympathy for weak people who do that.

We’ve been friends for so many years, in the past whenever I say anything to stick up for myself I’ve been met with a barrage of insults.
She does this with others so I know it’s not just me.

I realize this is unhealthy but I guess I saw the friendship as long term, I’ve known her so long and she does have good qualities

My point still stands, drugs and childhood trauma.

She really isn't a friend. Real friends don't do this.

Put yourself and your mental wellbeing first. Leave this "friend" in your past.

Thank you I am. I noticed she had a pattern of routinely bringing up my family estrangement, among other painful memories for no reason to but to remind me how terrible she thought it was, she did this for close to a year so a long time before her mother died suddenly.

I would try to change the subject when she did this and she would press on about it. I never did that to her, imo inflicting pain, that is something you do to someone you don’t like.

When I don’t like someone I stop talking to them, not try to make them feel terrible.

One of my oldest friends does this from time to time. I can’t work out what she gets from it, and if I question her she gets defensive. The only thing that stops it is to lean into it with her and then link it to something that happened to her. So she will be talking about my dads end of life (randomly with no context) and I’ll go along with her and then at some point say “ but obviously you understand what I’m saying because when you lost your mum …. And basically do it back to her. She doesn’t like it and quickly changes the subject. She’s recently stopped drinking so I’m hoping that will help.

That’s a good idea. I can’t think of any reason for a person to bring something up out of nowhere but to hurt someone.

Just emphasizing how awful the situation is, this woman can be extremely sensitive to innocuous interactions with random people. Like a bank teller saying something benign, she will think there’s hidden meaning.

In that case, I think you are stuck with needing to acknowledge that she's not a "friend," in the usual sense of the word.
I once had someone kindly tell me that I should stop regarding someone as a "friend" and should start thinking of her an an "acquaintance."
In your case, though, I'd be curious to know what would happen if you simply got up and walked out when the barrage began. Of course, if you ever have the chance - for instance, if you were turning down an invitation, or she asked why she hasn't heard from you, you can always say politely something like "You know, I've always enjoyed [insert her good qualities] but I just don't want to deal with your unstable temper."

Bipolar does not make people treat others like this.

Also she is not your friend. She delights in making you uncomfortable. Get rid.