To tell my dds to stop bothering me with their complaints

[bendmeoverbackwards]

I have 3 young adult dds currently living at home, they are 24, 22 and 18.

They each have an issue with one of their sisters which they keep complaining to me about. Dd1 complains about dd2’s bathroom hygiene (it’s fine but dd1 is super fussy), dd2 complains about the cat bowl in the utility room (she doesn’t like cats or the smell of the food). I always put the food round the side of the washing machine so it’s out of sight but the other two don’t always do this and dd2 complains to me. Dd3 complains that her older sister likes to hang with out in the kitchen preventing her from going in there (dd3 is autistic and prefers to eat alone). She’s entitled to do that but she has to work round the rest of the family.

Im fed up with these complaints about other people so im thinking of saying firmly from now on, I don’t want to hear them and they should discuss with the person concerned.

AIBU?

One of my phrases
'Im not your personal problem solver'

And then file it in the nearest suggestion box, aka trash.

I hope they all have jobs or are in school.

Sit them down and tell them to grow the hell up.

congratulate them on now being adults, and say you don't want to hear another word of the bickering

And then just ignore it

DD3 has to eat in her room if someone else is using the kitchen.

I’m curious to know if it’s been written in @WallaceinAnderland ?

Definitely autistic traits in the other two. Dd1 is very inflexible, she doesn’t wnat to seek a diagnosis at the moment. Dd2 is probably the most mature of of the 3 and is hugely emotionally intelligent. She’s generally lovely to be around other than the cat food bowl complaints!

Put your ✋️up and tell all 3 of them to deal with each other or you will be downing tools.
No shopping, laundry, lifts, cooking because you are fed up.
The complaints diary is a great idea, anything that doesn't involve you.

Yep.

Only once and it was me. I complained that DH was moaning to me about things I was not interested in and had no control over. As a joke of course.

He has used it just as a jotter. He doesn't write complaints in it and he stopped complaining to me because I'd tell him 'Put it in the complaints book' which is code for stop annoying me with your grumbles.

I have 3 daughters similar ages and have this exact problem. They are all lovely but two in particular will come and tell me a small grievance about the other, it was upsetting me to get involved, so I now have a firm response: “ please say this to your sister, you are in your 20’s and I don’t want to hear it anymore, you’re old enough to work this out yourselves” and then do not respond to any more complaints. It’s really helped to let them know I’m not engaging in that anymore but am happy to talk to them about anything else.

Thank you @lemonadelouis how did your new response go down with them?

Meh doesn't sound like a huge deal. Do people really expect their adult kids to be perfect little robots else move out?! People living together annoy each other, they're human. That's like saying divorce your husband if he ever moans about anything-mind you on here they probably would say that 😆

You definitely need to take yourself out of the equation. They will be living in shared houses in some form or another after living at home an will have to deal with far more than this petty squabbling.

Tell them to shut the fuck up or move out!!!

That’s not the issue, of course people are going to annoy each other. It’s the fact that they complain to ME about the actions of others that’s the problem.