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AIBU expecting grandchildren to get money put into savings?

221 replies

AllstarFacilier · 14/10/2023 11:01

I have two children in their teens with my DH. Both of DH’s siblings have one child each (aged 10 and 3).

When the 10 year old was around 7, I found out that my in laws had opened a bank account for her at birth and had been adding money each month for them. I thought this may have been as SIL was a single parent from birth, but then found out an account was started for BIL’s baby too. MIL must have picked up on it and asked if our children had savings accounts, and when we said yes, she started putting money into their accounts too.

It’s been mentioned that the money will stop at age 18, but this means my eldest will only have been given 4 years of savings whilst my in laws’ kids will have them for 18 years.

Obviously it’s really generous of them, and different for us as we have two children whereas the others only have one, but am I being unreasonable to think they should be given the same and it should balance out? I know they may not have been in the position to help save 18 years ago, but there was a long time between them paying for one and paying for all?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1396 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
JMSA · 14/10/2023 11:03


HarperMae · 14/10/2023 11:04

Wow, stop being so ungrateful

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2023 11:04

They can do what they like with their money. I’d just be grateful.

StephanieSuperpowers · 14/10/2023 11:05

I don't think they're obliged to give anyone anything. It'd be nice if they wanted to make up the difference but they don't have to and may not be in a position to. And I definitely wouldn't broach the subject in any terms other than gratitude.

JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 14/10/2023 11:05

I think you should say Thank You, and that's all.

44PumpLane · 14/10/2023 11:08

YANBU, grandchildren should be treated evenly where possible.

I understand that they might not have been in a position to do it when yours were born, but you're right that they could carry on with yours until they have contributed for longer than simply 4 years.

If the fact you have 2 children was an issue they could have given half the value to each child ie monthly payment of £10 to the singletons, and monthly payment of £5 to your two.

I understand it's their money, I understand you shouldn't expect......but this is real life we are talking about and I would be upset for my children if their grandparents were being unfair like this. Because it absolutely is unfair.

YourNameGoesHere · 14/10/2023 11:08

JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 14/10/2023 11:05

I think you should say Thank You, and that's all.


Honestly someone has given your child money for their savings for 4 years and you're moaning that they didn't do it for 18 years. Some people really will moan about anything.

readbooksdrinktea · 14/10/2023 11:10

YABU. You're sounding ungrateful.

PinkMoscatoLover · 14/10/2023 11:11

Seriously boo hoo. What are you going to say? ‘Oh actually you’ve only saved money for 4 years whereas X had money saved for 18 years, can you carry on topping it up a bit longer?’

Just take the money and be grateful

MimiSunshine · 14/10/2023 11:16

So your eldest was 4 when SIL baby was born? Who they then saved money for from birth?

that’s hardly a huge age gap is it? Which if it was possibly could explain the disparity. In that maybe they couldn’t afford it when your eldest was born.
maybe they couldn’t, but they could four years later and so yes it does feel unfair that they didn’t offer a contribution to savings for their 1st born grandchild.

but what can you really do? You can’t ask them to carry on last 18, so you just have to let it go

Yourebeingtooloud · 14/10/2023 11:17

I get it OP. My dc are treated differently by the in laws and it sucks. If you complain it just makes you sound grabby but really it’s about the inequality / treating some better than others.

I got absolutely slated on here once for asking AIBU that my in laws had given a contribution towards a big present for my dc birthday and then gone & bought the full thing for their other grandchildren (Not for birthdays) ‘So they didn’t feel left out’. I know I wasn’t being unreasonable. As an attitude it sucks and you’re right to feel it’s unfair however given they have already done it without a second thought there’s probably no point bringing it up as it will only cause drama.

littleripper · 14/10/2023 11:26

Everyone will tell you that you are being grabby and unreasonable but it is unfair and they are playing favourites. PIL did this and when I realised I stopped bothering with them as I realised they had very different priorities.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/10/2023 11:27

How absolutely lovely of her. Your lucky kids.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2023 11:38

44PumpLane · Today 11:08
YANBU, grandchildren should be treated evenly where possible

Why? People’s financial circumstances change.

Ace56 · 14/10/2023 11:40

Yes, it is technically unfair, but there’s nothing you can really do about it. It would be extremely unreasonable to ask them to contribute for another 14 years (until your DC are well into adulthood!) or to pay them more now. You’ll just have to accept that they obviously weren’t in this financial position when your DC were born - it doesn’t sound like they are being deliberately mean to your DC.

CKL987 · 14/10/2023 11:41

There will often be situations where it doesn't work out fair. For example a grandparent starts saving when each child is born but dies before they are all 18. I find what your inlaws have done bizarre but there is nothing you can do about it, unless you merge the money that has been saved for your two children into one pot and split it.

Merryoldgoat · 14/10/2023 11:44

Do they actually treat the children the same? Are you significantly better off than your husband’s siblings?

I don’t think things always need to be equal to be fair.

My sister is much worse off than me. If a family member gave her some money I’d just be glad for her.

MrsMara · 14/10/2023 11:45

I simply cannot imagine concerning myself with what in-laws were doing with THEIR own money. It really is none of your business OP. YABU

Dispairrepair · 14/10/2023 11:48

Absolutely awful, how does your dh feel? Have they played favourites with him as well?
Obviously don't mention this to your dc.

Hopefully their cousins won't know.

sadaboutmycat · 14/10/2023 11:49


Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 14/10/2023 11:49

How much have your parents been contributing to a savings account for your / your siblings children?

Dispairrepair · 14/10/2023 11:50

Op "mil must have picked up on it".

Picked up on what? That she never did this for your 2 or that you found out about it?

Acornsoup · 14/10/2023 11:51

I would be very annoyed but YABU it's their choice.

2chocolateoranges · 14/10/2023 11:52

All grandchildren should be treated the same, it’s a shame when they aren’t.

Unfortunately it happens and unfortunately the grandchildren do notice,

octodrive · 14/10/2023 11:54

I would have said to her not to fucking bother if she only offered to give mine money because I had found out she gave to their cousins.

Its obviously a symptom of a deeper issue

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