I want to tell my husband I will divorce him if he gains a lot more weight

[LongStoryShorty]

My father in law is morbidly overweight, struggles to walk, etc and I have nothing against him but dread the thought of my husband being like that. I’m sorry but I couldn’t stay, I want to be active and do things and to be doing that to your own body…

He’s quickly heading to that direction though. Him and I never share a meal, he doesn’t eat the healthy food I cook he would just order a takeaway instead. He says he loves my cooking but can’t see him eating it?? I batch cook things so there’s always healthy food in the freezer but he won’t eat it. I eat my dinner earlier as I don’t want to put on weight, I will only eat in the evenings if there’s a special occasion.

As well if we go for a day out I will eat and the kids will eat before so we don’t get hungry and he says he’s not hungry and as soon as we get there he will buy something unhealthy. This is exactly what his father would do. I just reminded him there’s some really delicious risotto in the freezer as he said he was going to get a takeaway, he says he hasn’t eaten all day. He’s not taking the hint! Would I be unreasonable to just tell him if you get as big as your dad I will want a divorce..?

[FreakyFrie]

@EmilyGilmoresSass

Aye. With a thrown in dose of the shits for good measure. Which I can't imagine OP would withstand.

Shits will help with the weight loss💩

[Soontobe60]

If I told my DH that there was some lovely risotto in the freezer for his dinner, I think he’d divorce me!

[GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok]

I'm offended!!!🍟🍔🍰😜

[Thelongwayround]

@Quincythequince

Hardly the same thing. She’s married to him.
Being married to someone who doesn’t care about their health, and especially when you do, is draining.

She didn’t say anything about being married. She said she didn’t want to ‘associate with’ the morbidly obese. In any case, she was clearly being goady and I shouldn’t have risen to it 🤷🏼‍♀️

[TheaBrandt]

Left over risotto - make arancini?! Whole point of left over risotto surely?

[VeronicaFranklin]

How about you speak to your husband like an adult and explain you are concerned for his health, that you don't want him to end up like his father and you aren't sure you can support him if he continues as he is doing....

Surely if you love him it's more about speaking to him with concern than ultimatums.

You definitely sound to have issues with food yourself, no eating on an evening, ensuring you eat all the time before going places, doesn't sound like your relationship with food is the healthiest either.

[FiveShelties]

@Soontobe60

If I told my DH that there was some lovely risotto in the freezer for his dinner, I think he’d divorce me!

Lovely frozen risotto

[GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok]

@FreakyFrie

I don’t blame you. No one wants to stay with a fat slob.
Just him straight.
He doesn’t need a takeaway and he can eat the risotto!

What joyless bollocks 🙄

[Herejustforthisone]

@Travis1

You sound like you have issues with food? Won’t eat in the evenings unless it’s a special occasion? You can leave your husband for whatever reason you want. Perhaps you don’t make him happy and that’s why he eats shite so you’d be doing him a favour. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think she meant she has her main/biggest meal at lunchtime, rather than at night time. So presumably she has a lighter dinner/tea/supper.

[Herejustforthisone]

I wouldn’t want to be with someone morbidly obese either.

[parietal]

you need to find a way to share your meals. It can't be healthy to have a relationship where you never eat together. That is an important part of being a family.

Adjust your eating times to his. Ask him to adjust to sitting at the table and eating the same food as you. And the kids eat with you too. That is best for everyone.

[Veryxonfused]

I would normally see where you’re coming from but tbh you sound like you have issues with food yourself

[pictish]

Is he overweight atm? You don’t say.

[LongStoryShorty]

so my husband is already obese, his BMI is at least 34, maybe more as he’s putting weight on with most of it around midwaist. I don’t have a problem with him the way he is, I just can’t bear the thought of him being as big as his dad, I have no idea how much he weighs but the weight is really causing a lot of problems for him, struggling to walk being one.

So I did ask him why he doesn’t eat the food I make and he went what are you talking about, I love your food! He says he just needs the takeaway and alcohol to relieve stress from work.

I am not eating in the evenings, there’s not a strict time but in general I try to eat my dinner around 17/18 with the kids and maybe just a yoghurt with tea later. Husband usually only comes home at 20 the kids will almost be in bed by then so we can’t wait till he’s home.

The risotto is actually really delicious, but there was also some pasta and sausages in the fridge and he ate loads of the sausages but was still going to order more food. Now he’s fallen asleep so I don’t know if he ordered the food or not. I think he snacks a lot, and then always says he hasn’t eaten anything yet when it’s not true.

We are going on holiday in a few months and I want to be looking good. I am normal weight, but I want to loose some weight to he the same weight as when we met. When we met he has into weight training and quite fit. I think it’s normal to do something to watch your weight, wether it’s not eating too late/ early, eating healthy at every meal etc. It works well for me to not eat in the evenings and a few hours after I wake up, in between the times I eat anything I want (but try to make healthy decision as they make me feel good), but I do eat deserts as well but I am still loosing weight. You have to have some method to keep on top of your weight as you get older, in my 20’s I obviously wouldn’t put weight on as easy. He could actually loose weight very quickly as he has done it before. Husband said he wants to loose weight too, but he’s not trying to and I know this will affect him and he won’t want to go to the beach/ pool for example. The weight will also make him struggle with heat etc. not to mention the obvious health concerns. The reason why I am not highlighting the health concerns here, is because husband already has other health concerns that he is not treating and he drinks alcohol every day which is affecting his health. I used to fight him to take care of those, for years, but then I had to come to terms with it that I can’t make him, he needs to realise it himself. It was taking too much of my energy for very little results. I think those things (alcohol etc) are even worse for his health, gaining a lot more weight is going to affect his health, but it will also affect his quality of life which will affect me as well.

I’m not convinced husband would be happy if I was putting on as much weight as he was… definitely shouldn’t only be women keeping on top off their weight.

[SD1978]

You both sound like you have an unhealthy relationship with food, on opposite sides of the spectrum. Is there a compromise you can make, to bring meal times together? He clearly doesn't like eating early, you don't like eating late, is there a midpoint you would be able to eat together? Making food for one sucks, I know I can never be arsed, but having a family meal takes away the snaking and crap options for me, because we are eating together

[RisingSunn]

Both of you appear to have food issues.

[FreakyFrie]

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok

What joyless bollocks 🙄

Joyless bollocks…. The bloke has a takeaway every night. He has enough ‘joy’ which is why he’s fat!

[antelopevalley]

Fine if you want to do this, it is your life.
But if I was your DP I would leave you even if I did lose weight. Anyone can become disabled at any age and I would not want to be married to someone who I thought would leave me if I was in an accident.

[MrsMorrisey]

Geez OP but harsh.

My husband is putting on weight.

This has been a slow process over the years and it has concerned me.
I'm fortunate to have been given to body that does not put on weight.

In saying that, I'm not a massive eater and feel unwell if I don't eat reasonably well.

After 20 years I said to my DH the reason we haven't been having a lot of sex recently is because I'm not finding him as attractive as usual.

If I could go back in time, I would not have said it. It hurt him terribly and he said he's got to the point that he thinks there is no point in trying cos I don't find him attractive.
I wish I never said it. The days after I did I knew I'd done the wrong thing.
People eat for a reason and he told me all about it and why.
I'm actually part of the problem.
I was too full on when the kids were little and too controlling and almost treated him like a child too.
This upset him so he started seeking comfort in food. He doesn't take drugs, drink or mistreat anyone yet I treated him badly.
Please try and work out why he is like he is and don't say something you'd regret later.

[Blueberrywitch]

My guess is that everyone calling you shallow is defensive about their own weight. He is obese. He orders takes away even though there are meals in the fridge for him, which is also a massive waste of money. You’re not shallow to not want a husband who is so fat that he is disabled from it!

[NoWayRose]

If he doesn’t fancy risotto al defrosto, he can cook something else decent for himself - like I expect most of us do after work. The alternative isn’t automatically Just Eat. Must be costing a fair bit too.

[wherearebeefandonioncrisps]

Your latest post has just confirmed to me that you, yourself, have an unhealthy attitude to food.
It sounds like like you live healthy food and your husband doesn't.

What do you cook? If it's quinoa , shredded peppers and mung beans then , bollix to that.

It's interesting that you say that you're a normal weight but that you want to lose more. That's not healthy.

Yet your husband 'loves' your food but would prefer a takeaway is very telling.

Both of your attitudes to food are off kilter.

That you'd think about ditching him without looking at your own problem is very sad.

Maybe looking at psychotherapy to get to the roots of both of your food difficulties.

[FarmGirl78]

I think you changing your attitude to food would go a LONG way to help him change his diet.

[KAYMACK]

You should never take advice from people here.

So many posters seem to have their own issues, are bitter from rejection or from not having a man (they can say they have all they like, I could write I am an alien from Planet Zorg, but it is not the truth).

I repeat, take no advice from toxic people online, especially from the type of people who post on Mumsnet.

Sit down with your husband and calmly say you are worried about him and then lead into what you said here.

[HarvestThyme]

You cannot control his health. You make healthy food, he knows it is there. If he eats it or not is up to him. He may well eat his way to serious illness and reduced mobility, or worse. As hard as it is, that's his shout.

You can express concern and have a talk about his health. Once or twice. You cannot keep on about it, or cast worried glances at every takeawy.

Do you want to threaten him with leaving in the hope he takes action? Or do you actually intend to leave? The first is a bad idea, the second is up to you.

Any of us can be hit with poor health. I realise that his eating is making that much more likely, but what if it's you who can no longer be active, who needs care? Is it worse because he's at fault, in your opinion? Would you hope or expect that he would stick with you despite ill health, self-inflicted or otherwise?

If you are unhappy with your dh, of course you should split. Maybe his weight gain is a symptom of a bigger divergence in what you want in life.