Was your wedding okay if your inlaws didn't like you?

[owlettenotnow]

I have been engaged for 5 years and the only thing that's putting me off is inviting my inlaws. The whole family hate me and I would just feel so self conscious walking down the aisle knowing that they will most likely be sniggering or worse, objecting!

We would be having a very small wedding (20 tops) anyway. I cant imagine having my wedding day where half of the guests actively dispise me.

I was thinking of having a nice meal our after and it would be so awkward.
We were no contact for nearly a decade. I wish we had done it then!

[Pumpkinpatchlookinggood]

We had no willy waving. Wasn't a worry after mil told me fil wasn't very well endowed sometime previously..
Who does that??

[sueelleker]

My husband's parents were dead, so the only in-law I had was my SIL; and she was one of my bridesmaids! She's always been like another sister to me anyway.

[honeylulu]

FIL coming out the toilet with his willy swinging everywhere

😱😱😱

[Noodledoodledoo]

My SIL ignored me all day, DH had sacked her from being a bridesmaid as she couldn't promise not to upset me on the morning of the wedding. MIL was frosty. FIL was lovely.

Still married 10 years down the line, no issues, not a great relationship with the IL's but I am past caring now.

I had a fab day with 2 friends on watch to step in if SIL decided to be a bitch.

[Confusedmeanderings]

My inlaws didn't come to my wedding and I wasn't the least bit sorry! It was slightly different in that they were invited but turned it down. TBF my MIL was too frail to attend by herself and my SIL said she wasn't going so MIL couldn't either. I don't think my DH was particularly upset and I certainly wasn't.

[lochmaree]

My SIL refused to come, other inlaws came but ignored me all day 😂

[owlettenotnow]

@Celeryfavour

I wouldn't marry him. In my experience the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, even though it flowers to begin with!

a bit late for that now, we've been together all of our lives and have children and a house and a whole life together. He was absolutely the apple that was catapulted away from the tree!

[Celeryfavour]

I wouldn't marry him. In my experience the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, even though it flowers to begin with!

[WeetabixandStrawbs]

If eloping is an option, I would recommend that. We did not, but had a small ish wedding. My ILs were a nightmare from the day we got engaged (had a strained relationship anyway). They refused to sit on the top table and FIL left after the wedding breakfast, MIL called my cake hideous, the hymns boring and made horrible comments about my dress. This was over 5 years ago and my relationship with them now is pretty much non existent. I am currently pregnant and NC with them as they caused me so much stress earlier on in my pregnancy it resulted in concerns about the baby and me being in hospital. They blamed it on me. DH manages the best he can to maintain some sort of relationship with them, but he is still processing his childhood with them. It's such a special day, it would be a shame to feel distracted or upset by having to spend it with them. Good luck, I hope you are able to find a way forward with this.

[MySweetBaboo]

Me and ex husband eloped for this very reason. Was perfect for us and had the added bonus for me that it really fucked my nasty ex MIL off. 😃

The marriage breakdown after 20 years was nothing to do with the in-laws.

[Simonjt]

They threw a huge strop about three days before so my husband told them not to bother coming, they actually listened to him for once and didn’t turn up, it was lovely.

[Turtles4543]

Yea few sour faces in the photos but the day was fine!

[owlettenotnow]

@SwordToFlamethrower

Thank you so much! Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, even though it was bloody awful at the time.

Discussions had, decisions made. I have very little contact with my in laws, but my husband is an absolute dream boat!

aww I hope you're really happy! xx

[SwordToFlamethrower]

@owlettenotnow

Well that's amazing! Congratulations! What a wonderful story ❤

Thank you so much! Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, even though it was bloody awful at the time.

Discussions had, decisions made. I have very little contact with my in laws, but my husband is an absolute dream boat!

[owlettenotnow]

@SwordToFlamethrower

We eloped to solve that problem.

My mil was politely told that because we only had 30 guests including us and my 2 children, the invite was for her and not her on and off boyfriend.

She went berserk and screamed how dare we not invite her boyfriend.

Fil girlfriend was uppity bc the invite didn't extend to all her children. It really pissed us off to the point we ended up eloping and we are very glad.

The point of the wedding was to get married. We didn't tolerate tantrums from adults in their 60s and 70s for one minute.

We ended up using the money we saved from the wedding to have IVF. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant.

Best decision!

Well that's amazing! Congratulations! What a wonderful story ❤

[AnneLovesGilbert]

It was wonderful, we were NC by then, and didn’t invite them. I wouldn’t have anyone at my wedding, or in my life/home who was horrible to me.

[delilahhey]

MIL wore black and argued with DH on the day. But they’re now NC. Didn’t invite her to our big wedding party (first was limited in Covid)

[MessyBunPersonified]

My in laws HATED me.

They thought I was a snob 🤣 because I asked for them to not sit in a tiny room with all windows and doors shut and smoke (lighting up the next cigarette from the previous one) while I was pregnant/when baby arrived, and because I said if they were going to be drunk and smoke constantly I wouldn't be taking the baby to see them.

Invited them to the wedding and they were pissed, wearing stained clothes that were shabby and old, told me I was a gold digger (there was no gold to dig at all, in fact I was paying all the bills) then a pissed FIL made a speech about how he thought I was a hooker due to the age difference and that the baby probably wasn't my husbands. MIL later at the after party came up to me complaining about kids dancing, and having fun, told me I looked like shit because I was so massive (6 months pregnant) and that they had invited my new husbands (also alcoholic) ex to live with them. Other highlights included FIL coming out the toilet with his willy swinging everywhere, and MIL crying every time I went near her son.

Thankfully I never spoke to them again, MIL died a couple of years later, FIL a couple of years after that and my ex turned out to be a massive wanker and not worth the hassle anyways.

If I could do it again Iwouldn't marry wanker ex would have eloped.

[maddy68]

@owlettenotnow

that's surprising. what changed do you think?

I think it was the olive branch of inviting them and involving them. All my family and friends were lovely to them

[mistermagpie]

@Ragwort

It was OK but the marriage ended in divorce less than two years later.

It can cause huge tensions if you don't get on with your ILs ... you see it time after time on here. I got married for the second time, great relationship with my MIL (now deceased sadly) ... but our marriage has lasted over 35 years.

Surely you can have a very small wedding and just not invite them ... is your DP onboard with that?

Similar here, the other way round but my family hated my soon-to-be DH. Also a small wedding. To be fair, everyone behaved impeccably on the day and it was fine. I was surprised.

The marriage only lasted 18 months though and I haven't spoken to my parents in nearly a decade. The marriage didn't really end because of the problems with my parents and my DH, but it didn't help and all of it definitely contributed to me going NC with my parents.

I am now remarried and none of my family were invited to the wedding!

My experience was that people can behave themselves for the one day, although you might need to get DH to give them a talking to in advance, but the problems will still exist after that day and can create real cracks in all the relationships that are involved.

[Gensola]

My MIL didn’t come to our wedding, FIL would have but he died the year before. She has also never asked how it went and tries to avoid introducing me as her son’s wife so recently she said this is my son, this is my nephew etc and this is Gen, so the person she was introducing us all to had to ask me how I fitted into the family.

[SwordToFlamethrower]

We eloped to solve that problem.

My mil was politely told that because we only had 30 guests including us and my 2 children, the invite was for her and not her on and off boyfriend.

She went berserk and screamed how dare we not invite her boyfriend.

Fil girlfriend was uppity bc the invite didn't extend to all her children. It really pissed us off to the point we ended up eloping and we are very glad.

The point of the wedding was to get married. We didn't tolerate tantrums from adults in their 60s and 70s for one minute.

We ended up using the money we saved from the wedding to have IVF. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant.

Best decision!

[jamtomorrow1]

That's so sad. I hope you don't find the situation too upsetting. I agree with everyone who has said that you should elope overseas!

[ImAvingOops]

I don't think anyone should be at your wedding who actively despises you if your fiancé is pushing for this
I would reconsider getting married at all tbh.
I think you should get married without them there.

[SleeplessInEngland]

As the DH I'd find it really weird to want family attened my wedding if they didn't like my fiance.

Think more info is needed. Why do you think they don't like you? What's he like with them?