‘I’m just sitting down’

[Funnydogsonyoutubeonceagain]

Sick of hearing Dh say this to Dd, 4, anytime she asks to play with him.
I realise he works hard and days can be tiring, but he says it…a lot..or leaves her hanging, or finds something else to do (anything else to do) E.g Doing things with the car or doing the garden..they are things that need doing, but I just wish he’d devote an hour or so to her. She gets so excited to see him after work, he often says he’s tired..I get it, he then says ‘We have all weekend to play’ then he doesn’t.
I get it, it’s hard at times (she likes to play imaginative type games) but it’s what she needs and I do it..,for her sake.
Feel so sad when she asks him again to play and he says this or that he’s tired and her little face is crestfallen.
How much does your dp/Dh play with your child/children?

[bigbeautifulmonster]

@Feelingconfused2020

When I can't be arsed, I make a cup of tea and hide a spoon or something and time how long it takes DD to find it. On repeat. She loves it.
I love it too!!! Brilliant

Haha at first reading this I thought isn't that a it dangerous, hiding something for child to find in a cup of tea?

[BlippiIsAnnoying]

This is so sad. Why do people have kids if they don't want to spend time with them.

Tell him from me OP. My dad is a decent man, worked hard to provide for his family but it's always hurt me that he never had any time for his children. I still remember his irritation when we would ask him to play with us.

It's so damaging for a small child to be rejected by their parent.

[Feelingconfused2020]

When I can't be arsed, I make a cup of tea and hide a spoon or something and time how long it takes DD to find it. On repeat. She loves it.
I love it too!!! Brilliant

[mondaytosunday]

My husband worked very long hours, but if he managed to get home before my kids bed time he always read them a story, had a little chat and cuddle before bed. That's all they wanted. So good your husband does this, though it's very little physical effort on his end.
At weekends my husband got to the gym at 7am for a swim, come back and collect them and head back for another swim with them. It was time for just the three of them. He understood that the fact he hardly saw them during the week meant he needed and wanted to spend time with them when he could. And I'm grateful. He passed away suddenly when they were 4 and 6 and these two things are firm memories for my children.
Shame on your husband - if he wants a good relationship with her he needs to take interest in her.

[Banrockmystation]

@Dacadactyl

Are they playing with each other though banrockmystation?

Are they constantly asking you to playw otht hem and you are ignoring them?

they play outside as we have lots of space, sometimes with each other or alone. We have other children nearby to play with etc.
But I do think I’ve been guilty of not playing when asked so now do feel a bit sad and ashamed.
My dh is pretty good at doing Lego, involving them with jobs outside etc.

[plicks]

@Banrockmystation

I’ve just realised I’m a shit parent. I don’t play with mine aged 8 and 6. I’m a sahm I’m the one doing the school runs, swimming lessons, cooking tea, birthday parties, organising all our lives, cleaning etc etc. I rarely play with them because I’m tired or need to get stuff done.
Genuinely do people all spend time after school doing crafts and imagination play and board games etc? I feel really terrible now (and exhausted thinking about what else I need to do in order to be a good mum)

Honestly, no, most people are not doing this.

[Dacadactyl]

Are they playing with each other though banrockmystation?

Are they constantly asking you to playw otht hem and you are ignoring them?

[Banrockmystation]

I’ve just realised I’m a shit parent. I don’t play with mine aged 8 and 6. I’m a sahm I’m the one doing the school runs, swimming lessons, cooking tea, birthday parties, organising all our lives, cleaning etc etc. I rarely play with them because I’m tired or need to get stuff done.
Genuinely do people all spend time after school doing crafts and imagination play and board games etc? I feel really terrible now (and exhausted thinking about what else I need to do in order to be a good mum)

[Dacadactyl]

@Goldfishjones

Yeah he needs to do better.

At that age kids love doing literally ANYTHING with a parent - gardening, cleaning the car, litter picking on the street, sweeping up leaves, a trip to the tip or supermarket. I bet he could do anything and she'd be thrilled if she could tag along. He could even sit on the sofa (or garden ..or park bench) and given her 3 things (red leaf, feather, triangle shaped stone) to find and bring back to him which might be a low-intensity game?! When I can't be arsed, I make a cup of tea and hide a spoon or something and time how long it takes DD to find it. On repeat. She loves it.

Aquabeads or hamabeads is also great for peaceful activity providing your DD has the concentration. YANBU.

This is great advice.

[girlfriend44]

Fours a lovely age. He should grab the moment. They don't stay young forever.

[woodhill]

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

First off: Men aren’t worse at imaginative play than women. Lots of adults of adults hate it - me included. I would absolutely force myself sometimes when kids were little but usually preferred to take them out somewhere to play, or do something with a structure, or I even really like Lego.

In our family, it seems to be grandparents who are most able to bear it - my grandfather for us, and then my Mum for my kids. Because when they’re at your house they aren’t thinking of a billion other things to do.

Back to your OP - he is being unreasonable. He needs to make time for her. And sometimes on her terms - playing the games she wants to play. But also he could plan some things that he enjoys more to do together- whether it’s board games, kicking a ball or whatever.

Does seem a bit rubbish when he’s doing anything he possibly can to avoid playing.

Now I do say “I’m just sitting down now” to my kids, but the youngest is 8!

Yes there was always so much to do

Our ancestors never worried about it, they had loads of chores to do or may have had to have worked in paid employment

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I can feel myself becoming highly frustrated while doing it

Yes me too.

And it’s almost scary because it just bubbles up when you just can’t stand it a second longer. And you just have to stop or you’ll lose it. So I always tried to avoid getting to that stage! I’m probably ND though.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

First off: Men aren’t worse at imaginative play than women. Lots of adults of adults hate it - me included. I would absolutely force myself sometimes when kids were little but usually preferred to take them out somewhere to play, or do something with a structure, or I even really like Lego.

In our family, it seems to be grandparents who are most able to bear it - my grandfather for us, and then my Mum for my kids. Because when they’re at your house they aren’t thinking of a billion other things to do.

Back to your OP - he is being unreasonable. He needs to make time for her. And sometimes on her terms - playing the games she wants to play. But also he could plan some things that he enjoys more to do together- whether it’s board games, kicking a ball or whatever.

Does seem a bit rubbish when he’s doing anything he possibly can to avoid playing.

Now I do say “I’m just sitting down now” to my kids, but the youngest is 8!

[SeaToSki]

Tell him you have noticed and she has noticed that he doesnt want to do activities with her…….and ask him what he would like to do/play/teach her

if he is put on the spot, he may say…go swimming, clean the car, read books, or wont be able to think of anything. At this point you ask him to come up with some ideas and then revist the conversation in a couple of days. Hopefully you will be able to help him build up some activities that he does like todo with her.

[HappyDays40]

I'm quite happy to bike ride, paint play football, park but pleeeeeeeease don't ask me to be "Dark Vader" or a storm trooper.

[inheritanceshiteagain]

DH is more the take them to the park, do cooking with them, take bowling or to see his mother so she can potter them about in the garden. Not much imaginative play, that me

[angelsinstead]

:(

I fucking hate imaginative play to be fair. But it doesn’t mean I just don’t play with dc!

[whynotwhatknot]

i think pp are getting sidetracked by the imaginitive play-he doesnt do anything with his dc!

did he even want kids-its like they think its some 50s film where they get to say theyve reproduced but the wife does everything

[TheOrigRights]

I loved nothing more than getting out the play Mobil camper van, removing all the teeny tiny bits and sorting it all out with small DS's.
Or setting up the play shop - that's imaginative but not pretending to be a mermaid or something.
Colouring. Jigsaw. Lego.
4 is a lovely age. He's missing out on a lot.

[Funnydogsonyoutubeonceagain]

I agree about the imaginative play, I hate it too 😫but it’s not just with that, it’s other things too

[FusionChefGeoff]

Agree it's a losing game trying to get him to play something he hates / is terrible at. DH is the same - but he's AMAZING at taking them out and about so that's what he does.

I'd try to help him find out what he can tolerate / enjoy that DD also likes and encourage that.

[MumCanIDoThat]

@girlmom21

It's not a men thing. I hate imaginative play. DP is exceptionally good at it.

I would rather clean the bathroom than do imaginative play. I can feel myself becoming highly frustrated while doing it. I prefer playing board games, doing art or building lego with dc. Dh is much better at it than me.

[7Worfs]

DH is pretty useless at home play, so I send them off outside:

park
go to the river to feed the ducks
soft play
visit neighbours
do stuff in the garden together (weeding, cleaning the pond, rake leaves…)
football/frisbee/stick fights/ride a bike in the front garden

[woodhill]

I'm female and I never did it, just beyond tedious

[girlmom21]

It's not a men thing. I hate imaginative play. DP is exceptionally good at it.