I share custody of my DCs with exH. They are 15 and 16. This last year they have pushed back against having set times to change houses. They used to go to the next parent straight from school mid week, then at a similar sort of time they'd swap again at the weekend. However, things seem to have slowly changed such that they are now anywhere at anytime...which is many ways is great since both houses are their homes and they should be free to come and go. Or should they?? Because it's driving me potty. I never know when they are going to arrive or when they are going to leave and we end up with me getting stressed and telling them just to go. Im someone who just needs to know what's going on and when so this is causing me major stress! But they are taking it as I don't want them here. AIBU? Or would this free flow stress anyone out?
AIBU?
Am I being unreasonable?
345 votes. Final results.
POLLAthyrium · 10/09/2022 15:05
Thanks for all the comments (especially the kind ones!) lots of food for thought. I popped round to exH's house earlier for a family chat and it turns out that to an extent he is having similar issues. We kind of re-drew the boundaries with the DCs about time keeping, chores, communication etc and whilst ex's approach is often quite different to mine, in situations like this he does say the right thing and supports me so fingers crossed we'll get back on track a bit.
Busy77 · 10/09/2022 15:44
How about the WhatsApp group for the four of you - and every morning they write where are eating and sleeping and ETAs for that day. Or if you are going out you say you must stay at the other house...
Castleheights · 09/09/2022 19:15
It matters because if they go missing or are hurt nobody is expecting them … of course yanbu
Athyrium · 09/09/2022 19:18
@mountainsunsets They are both shite at comms
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ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 10/09/2022 12:14
@Midlifemusings bloody hell, I don't think the OP is "highly strung" and "anxious" just wants a bit of clarity about coming and going. I think the fact that its two homes is irrelevant. When mine are old enough to come and go I will be expecting them to give me some warning and courtesy, regardless of hormones, friends or anything else. The OP isn't asking for a strict schedule, just some communication.
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