Talk

Unflip

AIBU?

Should I quit my job?

9 replies

Ridley10 · 07/09/2022 11:04

I could really use some advice. I’ve been working in my current job for four years. I started part time but the needs of the job mean I’ve moved to 32 hours a week. I hadn’t worked for some time as I have two disabled children. Both high needs. They couldn’t access lots of childcare and it just didn’t work for working. They’re now both in a specialist school but again no after school care.

I’m lucky I’m in a job where I work term time only from home but the job is such hard work (education). My husband and kids both say I’m like a different person when I’m at work as I’m stressed. I need to work in the holidays to get stuff done. Colleagues are mixed bunch. One I work with directly is very difficult. But I’m exhausted. I’ve looked for other jobs but there’s nothing that would accommodate our situation especially with the holidays. Husband’s job and the demands wouldn’t enable me to work evenings. Money wise, we’re okay. We have good savings and husband earns well.

I enjoy working and felt a bit useless when I was caring for the kids. But I feel burnt out. There’s no real way to go back part time as it’s not a job really you can do part time. DH and my relationship is solid but from mumsnet I do worry about being reliant on him financially though I pretty much am as my salary is very low. DH is happy for me to do what I feel best. He says he can see I’m miserable. I’m just conscious that it would be very difficult for me to do any other paid job.

Would others leave? Should I just keep plodding on? I genuinely don’t know what to do.

OP posts:

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

3 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

You are NOT being unreasonable

100%

RaininginDarling · 07/09/2022 14:49

Firstly, I'm really sorry that your job is causing so much stress. It's not easy to walk away, particularly if you have a situation at home that demands a level of flexibility. OTOH, your family are noticing the impact this job is having on you and I will say (repeating countless others on countless threads) that your health is your wealth - if you don't have that, everything else will come tumbling down. This was bought home to me last year. I have a chronic illness directly affected by stress and have spent the last year slowly recovering from a life-threatening episode. Its made me think on a lot of things.

I like the OP's fantastic term, "quiet quit" - work your hours, keep strong boundaries with a smile and look for something else. It's seems easier to find a job when in a job. On boundaries - I'm a freelancer and work several jobs so I'm really tight on boundaries and people respect that (and often ask me for tips). The reality is sometimes you have to politely decline, keep a tab on your hours and realise, that when push comes to shove, however good we are at a job, we are entirely replaceable. You are not replaceable when it comes to your loved ones. Good luck!

Report

SheeWeee · 07/09/2022 14:28

Ridley10 · 07/09/2022 14:22

Thanks all. I’ve tried working to my hours but it’s just not do able. I have a very driven boss who is very demanding. There’s no options to move as it’s such a small company. Big boss is aware of how demanding my direct boss is but doesn’t want to rock the boat as she’s very good at what she does in one area.

I’ll have a talk to my DH as it’s making me really tired not to much stressed. I’d miss working but I’m not sure I can continue at this pace.

It IS doable. Do it. And if your boss is so "demanding" that they expect you to do much more, you will have grounds for constrictive dismissal.....

Report

Hymnulop · 07/09/2022 14:27

Ridley10 · 07/09/2022 14:22

"No sorry I can't I can only work my set hours"
"Sorry that doesn't work for me,I need to log off now"
"Sorry that's impossible, I can only work my contracted hours"

Etc.

Doesn't matter if the boss is demanding - stand up for yourself. Or go off sick with stress and explain to the big boss why!

Report

Lindjam · 07/09/2022 14:26

What do you mean when you say you can't just work your hours? Have you formally agreed to increase them or are you doing regular overtime?

If the latter, you just tell manager you can't do overtime any more and will be sticking to contracted hours.

Report

Hymnulop · 07/09/2022 14:26

ticklemeemu · 07/09/2022 11:06

Could you 'quiet quit'. Just work your hours and no more. Start setting your own more realistic deadlines. Just work your mindset differently so you just don't care as much and just try and enjoy the job.

This!

Report

Ridley10 · 07/09/2022 14:22

OP posts:

Report

LadyIzzy · 07/09/2022 11:24

In July, I quit my job of 8 years as I was miserable and stressed and it was affecting my MH and the way I was with my husband and daughter. I am struggling with boredom but IMO it is much better than facing the anxiety of going to work each day and the impact it had on my family.

If you are feeling exhausted and stressed most of the time, it's not likely to get better. It took me a long time to realise that and let go of the guilty feeling (still struggling tbh) of quitting but honestly, you have to prioritise your health.

Report

Toughtips · 07/09/2022 11:12

Nothing is more important than your health and i say this as a manager who has just started a new job and has had to take 3 days off poorly!

You mentioned you've been there a while. Could you take some time off? Do your company offer sick pay at all?

Taking the time off would allow you some time and space to reevaluate what you want vs need.

Term time only jobs are rare to find however im sure you have transferable skills that could provide you with more flexibility or less hours perhaps?

It's a candidate driven market out there at the moment so have a look around the job boards or speak to a few recruiters.

Just do what's best for you.