DD1 is almost 21 at uni about 4hrs away. Gone back early to move into new house.
Is a real party girl but mostly sensible.
Went out last night with her friends.
Call from her 1am (for context I am a night owl so she knows i would likely still be up).
However of course I panic thinking something has happened.
She is very drunk and seems to have had an argument with her friends (over something completely ridiculous) and walked off by herself.
She is now alone, drunk, at 1am in not the safest city.
I tell her to stop being an idiot and go back to her friends. She knows better has been drummed into her since a teen to never go off alone or let anyone else do so.
Luckily her friends are all lovely and sensible and went to find her. She sends me a pic of them all safe in their house about half hour later.
She knows I worry because she is out and drinks a lot and as all 20yr olds feels invincible.
Of course i didn't sleep well and am still annoyed this morning.
AIBU?
To be annoyed by this 1am call
memorial · 04/09/2022 10:18
Am I being unreasonable?
124 votes. Final results.
POLLSeptemberslooming · 04/09/2022 11:53
I used to volunteer on an SOS bus and frequently had to contact parents to collect young people. The difference in the parents was untrue, they went from pent up fury types to empathetic understanding parents. The anger exhibited towards us for contacting them was untrue and this was in a city where there had been one punch deaths, numerous sexual assaults etc.
I'd be delighted that she trusted you enough to make contact.
balalake · 04/09/2022 11:05
@billy1966 has it spot on. Suggest that sometime this week you speak to her again. Whilst it is galling that the justice system is so inadequate that women are not protected so that men think they can get away with assaulting women or worse, you do need to talk to her about personal security.
The level of alcohol your DD is consuming seems to be excessive, and at the very least is more likely to lead to the kind of falling out you describe.
Electriq · 04/09/2022 10:57
Why are you annoyed?
My phone is and will be open to my children always and forever, drunk or not!
You are her safe person, and she chose you in a stressful (even if alcohol induced) situation, don't push her away and make that awkward if she ever needs you again.
Your right to be annoyed she keeps getting herself in these situations though.
BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2022 10:53
@memorial well that's a bit different from your OP. My DD compounded the getting separated thing by her phone running out of charge. If she'd phoned me I could have helped her. Don't be annoyed with her - I know that I have done some far far sillier things than she did and was lucky enough not to suffer any bad consequences.
BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2022 10:40
Speaking as the mother of a DD who was seriously assaulted in this exact situation YABU to be annoyed. I wish my DD had phoned me. I've always said to both of my DDs to call me, whenever, for whatever reason if they feel scared or worried or vulnerable and I will try and help, no questions asked, no annoyance. I am a million miles away from being a molly coddling mom but that has always seemed like a base line bit of parenting to me.
The thought of you being annoyed with her for phoning you - and still being annoyed now - when she felt she needed to hear her mom's voice has actually upset me. Tell her she can ring me if she's ever in that situation,
neverbeenskiing · 04/09/2022 10:45
I think it's great that your DD felt she could call you, not everyone has that sort of relationship with their Mum. It means you've done a good job.
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