To be upset how he's being with our daughter?

[butterflydress]

Myself and ex DP were together 10 years. We split up when DD was 3 months old (she's now 9 months) I left as he could afford the mortgage and I can't.. so we've been staying with family. Family can no longer accommodate us so we've had to move back in with ex.

I thought he would fuss over our daughter and be happy to have her in the same house. Nope. He hasn't offered to bath her once, or feed her. Last night when I got back in from work he said she'd been a "whingy little cow", he said he kept telling her off for going near the dog but she was naughty and would carry on. SHES 9 MONTHS OLD.

He just sits and watches sport all the time.

AIBU to be upset by this?

[dworky]

He's not only failing you, he's neglecting his child.
Please find a way to extricate yourself & your baby from this abusive arse.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

He's a lovely natured dog

Does not matter! Even the best of dogs can turn in a split second and cause massive damage to a baby. Do you not read these stories in the news?

Keep your baby off the floor when dog is around. All she needs to do is poke him in the eye or pull his tail.

Get legal advice. Is there an emergency housing or a refuge you could go to?

Just stay out of your ex's way and don't expect any help from him with either DC. And poor dog. That needs reporting too.

[Maytodecember]

Re the dog call the RSPCA or local dog warden.Say your DH doesn’t feed the dog properly, doesn’t walk him. Say it must be an anonymous report as you could be 8n danger for reporting.
Then call Womens Aid and get some advice. You and your children cannot live with this excuse for a man.

[NicLondon1]

Please do not leave your baby with him again.... she does not sound safe, both her and the dog are being neglected. If she was "whingeing" she was clearly hungry, thirsty, tired or had a dirty nappy, and he is not caring for her.

[welshladywhois40]

You need a family solicitor - often they do a free 30 minute session to understand the case so prepare and have questions ready.

With costs - solicitors are not cheap. I live near London and going rate was £400 locally but I used a solictor from my original home town (250 miles away) which was £300 and she worked virtually for me.

One thing to be vary with - solicitors often quote excluding vat. So check if the price includes this or not. If not add 20% on

[Toottooot]

Is he still paying maintenance now you’re back biding in the same hoose?

[Goldbar]

He's abusive and you need to get you and the children away from him as soon as possible. First steps would be contact Woman's Aid, put in a UC claim and see a solicitor. When you're in a safe place (not now if it will put you at risk), put in a maintenance claim through CMS - he should be paying you a lot more than £300 per month on his salary for 2 children.

[NewtoHolland]

Contact Woman's aid they can help you with a refuge to stay in and with the legal aspects. You need to move your son and daughter away from this man. You can't leave them on their own with him.

[JohannSebastianBach]

Solicitor wise you need one that does family law.
In your shoes my first call would be Women's Aid. Tell them everything and they will advise you.

Don't leave the baby with him.

[PickAPetal1]

Surely he can't just keep the house you own half of? He either needs to buy you out or sell and you take half the proceeds.

[crazeekat]

And also, get the rspca onto the dog situation too, the poor dog is also being abused.
Ur ex is an absolute asshole.

[Jessperry]

If you are claiming UC you will be entitled to legal aid which will cover a lot of legal costs. Although you are on a mortgage, the UC should continue as it is not income, and you are looking to leave that house. It sounds like the house needs to sell- you will both need to give permission but you will need the legal advice as to how to get this.

Have a look online for solicitor recommendations in your area and give them a call. You can tell them you are claiming UC and they will inform you what legal aid can do for you. My best friend has just been through all of this unfortunately. They have given her mediation (not the type where you sit down and discuss your issues as a couple). This involves them speaking to each party individually and then gaining factual information into finances and what you would be entitled to out of your house. If you are on it 50/50 and have children together you would be surprised at what you could be entitled to.

Once they have worked this out, it's on your ex to decide how he is going to free up this money for you- either give permission to sell or if he can afford to remortgage then that's up to him.

I really hope your situation improves soon, he sounds vile and you and your children deserve better. Good luck xx

[10HailMarys]

He was quite nasty to me, he was being quite perverted

Not to pry or anything if you don't want to elaborate on this - but are you saying here that he was being verbally and sexually abusive to you? If so I think it would definitely be worth calling Women's Aid, at least for advice if nothing else.

It sounds as if he had already checked out of family life long before your daughter was born, and that he hasn't really bonded with her at all. How much was he seeing of her before you moved back in? You mention you also have a son - what's your ex like with him now? What was he like with him when your son was your daughter's age?

It reads to me as if he was quite enjoying being a selfish bastard and living his life as a single man, and is now pissed off that he has a family in the house cramping his hideous style again. What a horrible man.

[crazeekat]

Asides for the obvious and making sure your kids and yourself are safe, you absolutely must see a
Solicitor as soon as possible. He allowed you and your kids to go homeless and he sat in the house that u co own?? What an absolute dickhead of a man. He doesn't sound like he has a bond with your children. Even if u can't afford the house, he still has an obligation to house his kids. He is pathetic, and it is men like him that give good guys a bad rap. You must go to see a solicitor asap. Also citizens advice asap. You have rights girl, don't let this ass walk all over you. He is using ur naïvety As a way to benefit from you and also control you. Wake up, and start thinking of your future. Your kids deserve it

[Totheweekend]

Others have advised on how to get housing do I won’t repeat. Other things … Use the CMS calculator on the DWP website to work out his much he should be paying you.
The house is a joint asset and the mortgage is a joint liability - you need to find a way to split that up fairly. If you own 50% of the house then you are entitled to that (minus 50% of the mortgage of course) You need to see a solicitor to get advice.
Time to stand up for yourself and fight.

[whyayepetal]

Don’t beat yourself up OP - I wouldn’t know what solicitor charged/what to say in your situation either. It might be worth contacting Women’s Aid in the first instance, as they will have all the experience to help you with the legal side of things as well as helping you to keep safe.

[butterflydress]

I'm so thick.. how do I even contact a solicitor, what do they charge and what do I say?

[memyselfi]

Yanbu to be upset but you have a much bigger issue here.
Upset or not you need to get your daughter away from that situation .
See a Solictor asap.

[butterflydress]

I haven't got any legal advice yet as I wasn't sure where to start or I could afford it, and I expect them to say if I can't afford the house I can't keep it?
I've been claiming UC but if my name is still on the mortgage that will stop soon as it's classed as an income apparently.
He paid for the dog and wouldn't let me do anything with him, he doesn't walk it and he's so skinny. He leaves it all day long too. I feel sorry for the poor thing to be honest.

[HollowTalk]

I just ran a quick calculation and it said £550 per month. It would be a good idea to do one yourself, OP, and get the hell away from him.

[Serenity45]

YANBU OP and he sounds like a shit excuse for a father. Some great pointers above. It strikes me that (depending on the exact circumstances of course) he might be significantly underpaying child maintenance, based on what the CMS would calculate. I did a quick test and if he has no other children he pays for and doesn't have your children overnight then it's closer to £780 per month. This might make a difference in terms of your own calculations for alternative accommodation, especially as you're on a low income at the moment.

Rights of Women have some great resources available free of charge

[Fenella123]

Yes, you can go to court and force a sale - possibly other options - CMS and solicitor now I'm afraid.

[Quartz2208]

Have you had legal advice regarding the house - because that is what you need I think

[Discovereads]

You might want to call Womens Aid then and go to a domestic violence shelter for the time being. This will help move you up the council house list and keep your DD safe from your ex and the dog.

[WTF475878237NC]

Personally I would be asking friends or family to take the dog until you and baby can move out. This man is horrible.