8 year old up till 4.30 am is unreasonable?

[keepsane]

Just picked up my 8 year old DD from a sleepover at her friend from schools house and it turns out she and her friend were up until 4.30 am. The mum came into the room and said it was time to calm down and go to sleep...at 4.30 am!!

I'm really unhappy, in what world is letting 8 year old girls stay awake till that time unaccompanied may I add as the mum was in her bed, okay? 12 am - fair enough, maybe 1 am at a push if excited but 4.30 am is ridiculous and my DD is knackered.

I don't know whether to text the mum. She certainly won't be back there for a sleepover. AIBU?

[FabFitFifties]

Your update, that you have grounded your daughter, puts you beyond the pale OP. I'm sorry, but you are a total killjoy. A fun vacuum. Unless this is a wind up - please let it be.

[WonderingWanda]

At 8 I would probably ecourage sleep a bit earlier for my own sanity. I think midnight was when I'd encourage them t9 calm down but by 12 it's more like 2am. I like them to be asleep so I can sleep. My son went to sleepover once the day before we were booked to do a really expensive one off activity. I said I didn't think ds would be able to go because he would be too tired for expensive activity, the Mum insisted they would be getting some sleep and it would be fine. I was pretty annoyed when we collected ds next morning, he had been up all night and the Mum breezily told us she just let them do what they want and she has earplugs in and it was their own fault if they were too tired to do things the next day. I have learnt to write off the day after a sleepover now!

[MumofSpud]

Please don't text to complain - you will sound insane!
Completely normal for so called sleepovers
If this upsets you, the next 10 Years are going to be rocky !

[AclowncalledAlice]

When my DD has had sleepovers they are always in bed at reasonable hour

But not asleep I'll bet. As for grounding your DD, for what??? Having a good time with a friend? Wait until you get to the teenage years, there may come a time when staying up until 4.30am will seem like a picnic in terms of "bad-things-my-child-has-done"

[CallOnMe]

Can you imagine, having being kept awake all night, getting a text of complaint from a mother who's had a nice child free evening and a full night's sleep?

😂😂

Thats why this is surely BS.
No one is that batshit to complain about having a child free evening when their child has obviously had lots of fun.

Life is too short to not be able to stay up until late a few times in your life.
She will remember that night for ages if not forever as she stayed up so late chatting to her friend.

Even as an adult I love making those sorts of memories (not sure I could stay up that late) and it’s very rare things like that happen when you grow up so encourage your kids to make the most of it when they’re young.

[Needwine999]

Of course thats ok, its a sleepover!!

[Thinkingblonde]

What did you expect the mother to do, to get your daughter to sleep? Sedate her?
As for them being ‘unaccompanied’ because the mother was in her own bed, again, what did did you expect her to do? drag her mattress into the room?
What you should consider doing is to thank her for having your daughter overnight.

[Lwren]

If you ground your child for confiding in you she didn't sleep, she's learnt not to tell you what happens when you're not there.
This has made her vulnerable, especially on sleepovers.
Youre literally destroying her trust.
If she's ever harmed by someone's creepy uncle etc on your head be it when she's too scared to ever share with you these things. Idiot.

[Veol]

OP, I’m sure after all future sleepovers your daughter will tell you that she went to sleep at a very early hour and that she is just a little fatigued because one of her friends was snoring. Grounding is an overreaction and unfair on you daughter. She will just learn to lie to you to avoid unreasonable punishments.

[GeorgiaMcGraw]

@keepsane

Oh trust me, my DD is grounded after that.

What, may I ask, the everloving fuck is wrong with you? How can you punish a child for not sleeping enough? There's something weirdly sadistic and controlling about your response to your child enjoying a sleepover, like normal children do.

[DSGR]

You’re being ridiculous. Kids don’t sleep on sleepovers but they do have immense FUN!
I can’t believe you’ve grounded your daughter

[Solonge]

My kids are all in their early 40s. We had a rule...never to make rules if there was not a really good reason for a rule. They all grew up. All professionals. All having good lives. Mine had sleep overs and camp outs in the garden. 4am wouldnt have been a big problem. I would have said at 4...ok....sleep now as I would have felt for the parents next day with tired grumpy kids. But its an event. Its special. It happens not that often and it does no harm. Lighten up. If you make rules for no reason other than to say.....its too late....then ask why is it too late?...what harm will come to them. Life should be about adventures, fun and learning. The kids will have taken all that nights fun into their heads. Better to have had that experience than not. They probably also learned they were tired and grouchy next day...so a truly learning experience.

[Chikapu]

@WhiskerPatrol

Guess I'm old-fashioned but I wouldn't allow or be happy with this at 8 years old. As for all the wet lettuces saying "you can't stop them".... what? You can threaten to put them in separate rooms, actually put them in separate rooms, threaten to call the visitor's parents to collect her, actually call the visitor's parents to collect her...

Do you slap your palm with a night stick after every 'threat'?

[Veol]

@WhiskerPatrol

Guess I'm old-fashioned but I wouldn't allow or be happy with this at 8 years old. As for all the wet lettuces saying "you can't stop them".... what? You can threaten to put them in separate rooms, actually put them in separate rooms, threaten to call the visitor's parents to collect her, actually call the visitor's parents to collect her...

I bet everyone wants to come to your house for a sleepover! I think you might have missed the point of them. At least there is absolutely no danger of anyone calling you a wet lettuce though.

[Solonge]

My just six year old grandson is so excited when he stays over with me...(!) and his grandad....he doesnt settle down till 10....watches Gardeners World with Grandad and sleeps in a king size bed with just me .....we watch a kids film...then stories...and he passes out at 10.... if a six year old gets that excited at grandparents...Im sure that early hours of the morning is absolutely the norm with a bunch of kids sleeping in the same room. Having brought up three kids...who are all nice people....and who all went camping with mates or had stayovers with friends...and I am sure probably had four hours sleep....dont worry....the odd night with little sleep does them no harm. Better to have had the experience, the fun, the sheer joy of being up till 4...than not having that lovely experience. She has come to no harm.

[LER83]

This totally reminds me of this one girls house we had a sleepover at when i was about 10, who's mum actually turned off all the lights downstairs from the mains at 11pm because we wouldn't go to sleep!! I remember trying to go to the toilet with torches! We never stayed there again!

[sunglassesonthetable]

OP , you've grounded your 8 yr old for something or other.

Having fun, not going to sleep, being over excited, being sleepy today, something along those lines ....?

Did you send her to her room?

Then she's probably having a sleep......

Massive, miss the point, over reaction from you, the grownup.

[elephantknees]

Exactly this!

Out of interest, how exactly would you have expected the lady in question to have forced your DC and her friend to go to sleep any earlier? If I were you I would be phoning the other Mum and apologising for your DC keeping her awake most of the night and hope the poor woman manages to get a bit of a rest herself at some point in the day.

[sunglassesonthetable]

I only ever had 1 sleepover at my house as a child. My mum was strict and made us all go to bed at a reasonable time and ended up shouting at all my friends when they weren't asleep. None of them wanted to come back.

@WhiskerPatrol Just like you suggested 🖕🏻😂

[LisaSimpson77]

Grounded seems like an odd punishment for an 8 year old not that the poor kid needs punishing but anyway what exactly is she grounded from op?
Wouldn't an early bed time or afternoon nap have suited this occasion better?

[sunglassesonthetable]

A sleepover is actually a version of a little get together or party.

Apart from the probable 'non sleeping' it's meant to be a happy, fun thing to do.

Children gorge on sugar and get over excited and over tired at parties but we all know they're sort of one off special occasions. Similar with sleep overs.

It's not for school nights or as a template for ordinary night time routine. So don't expect 'a reasonable time'.

[doadeer]

@Redglitter

Shes grounded??? Do you always over react like this

Ffs poor kid

I agree!

She will never invite friends over to sleep at yours as you're such a downer.

Gosh there's more stressful things to worry about 🤨

[MajorCarolDanvers]

Sleepovers are incorrectly named.

They are stay-awake-as-late-as-you-can-eating-rubbish-a-thons

[doadeer]

It was a sleep over - I wouldn't care. Staying up really late is fun when you're a kid.

[Fizbosshoes]

I don't necessarily like the idea of my kids (they are older 12 and 15) being awake most the night in term time sleepovers but what can a host parent actually do to make kids go to sleep?? Even now I write off the next day because I know they will be moody and tired.

My DS has always needed more sleep than DD and would probably just fall asleep anyway (he sleeps through thunderstorms, fireworks, me hoovering his bedroom...virtually anything!🤣) Whenever I have hosted a sleepover I always ensure they are in the room/tent by around 11.30pm and give regular reminders (especially when out in the tent where they might disturb neighbours) to keep the noise down. Like I say when DS last had a sleepover there were boys traipsing in and out to the toilet all night. I'm not sure how I can enforce sleep!! (If I knew how to would - for my own sake as much as any guests!)