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AIBU?

Consensual sex questions - AIBU you never assume anal sex is one the menu before discussing first?

144 replies

ApertureGLaDOS · 10/05/2022 21:18

I have had precisely 3 accounts of ‘presumed’ anal sex. I won’t go into details because I’m not here to amuse people, but I will clarify they were unwelcome, unexpected and in the last situation explicitly unwanted.

I was speaking to one of my friends (without details) and she suggested it’s just part of ‘having sex’ and unless you are clear you don’t want anal it’s just what’s expected. I call bullshit / anal is not ‘expected’ but is discussed and decided on the couples preferences… yet my track history suggests I’m wrong. So which is it?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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CleverSausages · 10/05/2022 21:19

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable

Sorry that has happened to you on multiple occasions

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Lsquiggles · 10/05/2022 21:20

No i wouldn't consider anal as part of having sex, it's usually men trying their luck

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PumpkinsandKittens · 10/05/2022 21:20

I’m sure a thread like this was posted before and deleted...

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Hankunamatata · 10/05/2022 21:22

Definitely not part of having sex for me. It's a discussion. So many men 'slip' during sex 🙄 (aka trying it on)

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ApertureGLaDOS · 10/05/2022 21:23

PumpkinsandKittens · 10/05/2022 21:20

I’m sure a thread like this was posted before and deleted...

If that was, why does it matter?
If there was, it wasn’t from me.
If there was, isn’t it dreadful that so many women are now questioning that?

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PumpkinsandKittens · 10/05/2022 21:24

ApertureGLaDOS · 10/05/2022 21:23

If that was, why does it matter?
If there was, it wasn’t from me.
If there was, isn’t it dreadful that so many women are now questioning that?

Just telling people to be careful about sharing stories...

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Thepeopleversuswork · 10/05/2022 21:24

I would definitely put anal on the "additional layer of consent" list. It's not for everyone and lots of people find it actively unpleasant (including me).

I have had men try it on with me in the past and been roundly disabused of the idea. Anyone who thinks anything sexual is "expected" has poor self-esteem and boundaries.

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LeavesOnTrees · 10/05/2022 21:24

No way.

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britneyisfree · 10/05/2022 21:25

Hankunamatata · 10/05/2022 21:22

Definitely not part of having sex for me. It's a discussion. So many men 'slip' during sex 🙄 (aka trying it on)

I was thinking this the other day!!!! In my teens when my life was wild this happened alllllllllll the time yet never in LTR.

I was wondering if it's because I've dried up Blushbut pp has made me see the light.... they were all trying their luck. Little shits.

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Flippermeflopits · 10/05/2022 21:26

I'm usually open to it but he would never go south without asking first.

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Dinotastic · 10/05/2022 21:26

Absolutely 100% off the table unless it’s mutually agreed beforehand. Pornography has a lot to answer for. Sorry you’ve experienced that, OP - those men sound like utter shits.

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WhackingPhoenix · 10/05/2022 21:27

It’s definitely NOT a sexual ‘norm’ for most people. Some people actively enjoy it (Blush) but definitely not all, and I would only ever do it at my own suggestion/initiation.

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gamerchick · 10/05/2022 21:27

No anal isn't the expected on the table from the off. Anal needs to be discussed and he needs to take it first.

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JollyWilloughby · 10/05/2022 21:28

Definitely not just expected. I for one am not into that game. He would get a swift kick up the arse if he ever tried to put his cock up my arse that’s for sure.

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ApertureGLaDOS · 10/05/2022 21:28

PumpkinsandKittens · 10/05/2022 21:24

Just telling people to be careful about sharing stories...

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you meant I was a troll/ repeat offended etc.

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HarrietSchulenberg · 10/05/2022 21:30

It should not be presumed but in the dim and distant days when I had interesting nocturnal encounters with young men of dubious morals, I used to explicitly state that my arse was a one-way street with a No Entry sign on my butt cheeks, just to be clear.
A couple of encounters tested the boundaries, insisting I would enjoy it, but I have never been a woman to be messed with and they soon stopped. I was probably very lucky.

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RiverRats · 10/05/2022 21:30

No it is definitely not expected. How awful that so many people have had experiences where people just assumed.

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MintyMoocow · 10/05/2022 21:30

Bleah!

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dementedpixie · 10/05/2022 21:30

After experiencing piles and the treatment involved in banding them then no-one is ever going near my bumhole!

I'm nearly 50 and it's never been on my sexual radar as something I'd consider doing

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Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 10/05/2022 21:31

Not on the expected list. I actually do enjoy it on occasion but I would say more people don't enjoy it than do. I don't consider it a part of having sex.

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strrawberriesandcream · 10/05/2022 21:33

Definitely not part of normal sex for most people, it should be discussed and mutually agreed.

An ex 'slipped' in the wrong area with me and went all the way in with no lube and no preparation. I never worked out whether it was a genuine accident or not and he didn't do it again but I couldn't sit down for days and caused me immense pain.

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Goldijobsandthe3bears · 10/05/2022 21:34

You are definitely not being unreasonable, it should be your choice and NEVER assumed

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KangarooKenny · 10/05/2022 21:34

No, not normal sex. It should be discussed and agreed.

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AlternativePerspective · 10/05/2022 21:36

No absolutely not. In fact for me even discussing whether it could be on the cards would be a relationship dealbreaker.

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Bunnyfuller · 10/05/2022 21:37

No, not expected. A completely fresh new consent required. Without that it is a Anal rape.

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