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Brides & Grooms expecting wedding guests to pay for their own dinner
209

ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy · 22/04/2022 09:50

I run a wedding catering company - based on a food truck and catering to the less formal weddings. I'm now seeing a trend where brides and grooms are emailing me and are telling me that they expect the guests to pay for the dinner themselves on the day 😮

I'm turning down these events as a matter of policy - largely because I think it is the most cheapskate move ever. But also because I could arrive and find they have 50 guests, 5 food trucks and half of them have brought a picnic instead, and I lose money.

AIBU to think most guests would baulk if I presented a card reader for their dinner at a wedding?

OP's posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ImBurtMacklin · 22/04/2022 09:53

Personally I’d ask the B&G for a guaranteed minimum spend, that’ll cover your costs and deliver a suitable amount of profit

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Pember · 22/04/2022 09:53

This is crazy! It’s often quite expensive to attend a wedding (travel, accommodation, gift, outfit, childcare) so this does seem very mean.

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familyissues12345 · 22/04/2022 09:55

@ImBurtMacklin

Personally I’d ask the B&G for a guaranteed minimum spend, that’ll cover your costs and deliver a suitable amount of profit
This is a great idea!
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TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/04/2022 09:56

Yikes, I'd not be very impressed to have to pay for my own dinner at a wedding. There are many cheaper options available, it doesn't have to be a £25 a head sit down dinner, we got married on the coast and got a local, award winning chippy to deliver suppers for approx £7 a head. Everyone seemed to love it, and got a choice in advance.

Its making the guests pay for the couples expensive choices!

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WhatNoRaisins · 22/04/2022 09:56

Very tacky behaviour on behalf of the brides and grooms. Are the guests always made aware of this? If I was unexpectedly presented with a card reader at a wedding breakfast I'd refuse to pay.

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ReeseWitherfork · 22/04/2022 09:56

I’d baulk for sure! No expectation on a particularly fancy meal or free alcohol etc. but I’d expect to be fed at any long party that was over a mealtime.

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traintraveller · 22/04/2022 09:57

I've never heard of this but wouldn't have an issue with it providing I knew in advance. It would certainly make it easier to decide whether to attend or not.

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UnicornPooPoo · 22/04/2022 09:57

I’d never actually thought about it in that way but, yes, you’re right you could end up making a loss. I think a minimum spend is the way to go. At our wedding, we had to have a minimum spend of £500 at the bar, or we had to make it up. It was fine!!

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ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 09:59

If guests are happy to attend on that basis then I'm sure a caterer can find some way to make it work.

It's not anyone's fault if the bride & groom can't afford to feed people.

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WildCoasts · 22/04/2022 10:00

I think it's tacky but I am aware it's become more common. I'd only bother going if it was affordable/someone close. I think the idea of a minimum charge for your services is reasonable. You've got to make a living.

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IncompleteSenten · 22/04/2022 10:00

If I got that message if reply saying I require payment in full in advance. If they want guests to pay they can arrange that with them directly.

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WildCoasts · 22/04/2022 10:01

ThreeLittleDots

If guests are happy to attend on that basis then I'm sure a caterer can find some way to make it work.

It's not anyone's fault if the bride & groom can't afford to feed people.

Plan the wedding that can be afforded? I've been to a wedding where all the guests were asked to bring a pot luck dish. Seemed like a good idea to me. Everyone contributes something, the wedding gets celebrated, an unreasonable amount isn't forked out.

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ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 10:03

Their wedding their choice. Guests or caterers are not obliged to attend. It'll work out.

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Hadalifeonce · 22/04/2022 10:03

Why do people seem to insist on having weddings they can't afford?

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MarpleFan · 22/04/2022 10:04

I'm a wedding planner and would be shocked if one of my couples asked for this, but as a PP said, say you require a minimum spend, which they have to match if the guests don't pay. Lots of venues do this with bars.

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RewildingAmbridge · 22/04/2022 10:05

I went to a wedding once, small registry office style, other than me and DH it was immediate family only. I was asked to be bridesmaid, bought my own dress in the colour requested, DH had a suit they already thought was acceptable so just bought a tie in the requested colour. We were told for the reception they were taking us for dinner in a restaurant, turned out to be in a well known chain and we had to pay for ourselves. The parents of the groom had given them £5k for the wedding, the bride's dress probably cost less than mine and there were no cars etc, groom's parents were furious and tried to pay for the dinner (we refused and just said we were gone to cover ourselves, I've known them a long time), bride's family all happily accepted! I was gobsmacked.

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Turangawaewae · 22/04/2022 10:07

I've been to weddings where I've paid and have no issue at all with it. I'd not be keen if it were unusually expensive though.

I think you should ask about being the only supplier or a minimum spend though.

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Noglassjustthebottleandastraw · 22/04/2022 10:07

I agree its tacky to expect your guests to pay for food. As a side note op, could you not ask if you will be the only food provider? Have a contract where it's only you exclusively providing the food? Take a minimum food order/deposit?

As a business owner myself I wouldn't turn down a client based on assumptions. Plus the wedding industry is competitive if word gets around you refuse to attend weddings then people will stop calling you.

Lots of luck 💐

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ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 22/04/2022 10:13

I bet they ask for cash in the invites, too. It's just part of the increasing trend of couples costing their guests more and more money while expecting to have their Speshul Day without spending any money.

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cstaff · 22/04/2022 10:14

I read something online recently where the invites were sent out and once the guests accepted the invite they were invoiced for $75 per head (it was the US). This didn't go well and a high percentage of the guests cancelled at that point. It turned out to be a very small wedding.

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ThinWomansBrain · 22/04/2022 10:16

sounds odd - but if the message to guests if thoughtfully worded, a better option than a wedding list full of stuff the couple don't really want or need?
Assuming that paying for your own meal is instead of giving a wedding gift, not as well as😏

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Suprima · 22/04/2022 10:18

Incredibly tacky

Go get married in a registry office and have a small dinner afterwards if you can’t afford to host people

if they are booking you, then they are also booking a venue, a ceremony and all of the other trappings. Terrible form to use your guests to save costs like this.

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balalake · 22/04/2022 10:20

I've not come across this, but I think your policy is a sensible one. Nothing wrong with having a simple wedding if you are strapped for cash, indeed I often wonder if they are more likely to be those which are 'till death us do part'.

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Clymene · 22/04/2022 10:21

No I wouldn't pay to attend a wedding. But if people are that tight, then I would get a contract for agreed minimum spend from the B&G.

I'm thinking back to a wedding I went to ages ago which started at lunchtime and someone had brought a maccy d's with them ...

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toastofthetown · 22/04/2022 10:25

With proper communication at a lower budget informal wedding that wouldn't bother me. There are threads on here where posters have a meal after their ceremony and have been assured that is ok to ask people to cover their meal, as long as some wine is on the table, and I see this as similar. I wouldn't want it to be sprung on me on the day, and I'd resent it if it were at a very exclusive expensive venue, but as you are catering for less formal weddings then I would surprised if that were the case. You can have whatever policy you want for your business though.

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