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Let myself go...DH says
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Embarrassed1987 · 04/12/2021 19:31

DH and I have just had a big row.

He’s been grumpy all afternoon and I asked him what was wrong and he’s just blurted out that he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me 😔

That I’ve massively let myself go and that I don’t look anything like the woman he married. He’s right I know, which is awful.

I’ve gained weight, I was a size 10 and now a size 14.

My hair is brushed and clean but now my only upkeep is going to the salon every couple of months to get rid of split ends. When we met I’d have balayage and styled my hair regularly.

I rarely wear make up now, when I used to wear the usuals, tinted moisturiser, blush, get my brows and lashes done.

I do dress okay when I’m out and about but tonight I was wearing my big dressing gown and PJs (not very attractive I know)

This has hurt, and I don’t know what to do.

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DrSbaitso · 06/12/2021 19:25

@EightWheelGirl

What I'm finding interesting is a...girl who knows so little about female bodies shedding fat, especially when compared to male bodies gaining muscle.

Is this the bit where you explain that females are in fact a different species and don't lose weight like other humans by eating less and burning calories?

It's the bit where I saw a thread about a man telling his wife she's "let herself go" and then saw a post telling us that actually it's much harder for men, because women lose fat so much more easily than men gain muscle, and the ideal male body is so much harder for men to obtain than the ideal female one is for women.

I knew, when I checked the name, that it was going to be something overtly feminine. It usually is.

If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck and it's holding a sign saying "I AM A PENGUIN"...it's a duck.
Let myself go...DH says
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EightWheelGirl · 06/12/2021 18:59

What I'm finding interesting is a...girl who knows so little about female bodies shedding fat, especially when compared to male bodies gaining muscle.

Is this the bit where you explain that females are in fact a different species and don't lose weight like other humans by eating less and burning calories?

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DrSbaitso · 06/12/2021 18:46

@EightWheelGirl

Interesting thought process, EightWheel...Girl.

I'd say the same about your assumption that a woman couldn't possibly know about things like nutrition and lifting weights.

Your assumption that that is my assumption would be, er, bollocks. That that is your assumption is itself also interesting.

What I'm finding interesting is a...girl who knows so little about female bodies shedding fat, especially when compared to male bodies gaining muscle.
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EightWheelGirl · 06/12/2021 18:26

Interesting thought process, EightWheel...Girl.

I'd say the same about your assumption that a woman couldn't possibly know about things like nutrition and lifting weights.

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LoveGrooveDanceParty · 06/12/2021 17:31

Yes, I think we can all see that a 5’ size 14 is going to look more overweight than 5’10” size 14.

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coogee · 06/12/2021 17:05

Every BMI calculator I’ve ever used takes into account your height

Exactly, but dress sizes don’t so on their own they are a poor indicator of somebody’s BMI.

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skodadoda · 06/12/2021 16:12

I think I prefer the ‘winkies’ 🤣🤣

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userxx · 06/12/2021 16:09

@drpet49

I’d be glad my partner could be that honest with me.

Me too, then I'd tell him to fuck off.
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Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 16:07

Regardless of their height?

Every BMI calculator I’ve ever used takes into account your height

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SallyWD · 06/12/2021 16:05

I can only understand his comment if he's genuinely worried about you, concerned you might be depressed or something. Then it kind of makes sense when he said he doesn't know "what's wrong with you". Have you been feeling depressed OP? If it's just a case of you putting on a few pounds and spending less time on your appearance (like nearly every other new mum) then he's being really mean! I put on a lot of weight with my second and my husband never mentioned it. Not once. He knew that if I wanted to lose weight I would do so in my own time - and I did. I would have been very hurt by those comments.

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Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 16:02

What baffles me about the makeup wearing, nice clothes, fake tanners, for DH, do you get out of bed before he wakes up to throw all that lot on? Grin

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girlmom21 · 06/12/2021 15:58

@Sillawithans

This is such a delicate subject.
I'll get shot down here but is there any truth in what he said?

The only reason you're going to get shot down is for not actually reading the OP where she said she knows he's right and listed the reasons why.
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Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 15:47

@coogee

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI

Regardless of their height?

That's part of the problem with a BMI. It's such a general guide and doesn't take everything into account. Waist measurement is now seen as more important.
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Sillawithans · 06/12/2021 15:36

This is such a delicate subject.
I'll get shot down here but is there any truth in what he said?

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coogee · 06/12/2021 15:35

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI

Regardless of their height?

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Golightly133 · 06/12/2021 15:24

I would seriously advise you ignoring him and getting on with your life,
My dh said the same sort of thing when I had my 3rd dd (3rd child in 3 years) I was working full time my, job was from home so worked long late hours. I was the main earner. Didn’t have time to scratch myself. To be Honest I was hurt and did make more of an effort.
Then he had an accident which left him disabled had to stop working did my love for him change because he’s no longer capable of all the things he was before or not the same no because he’s still my dh whichever way you look at it. My advice is be you do what ever suits you
Life is too short x x

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Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 15:04

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I would definitely argue that the vast majority of size 14s aren't overweight

What size are you, out of interest?

Fuck off, it's none of your business. Grin
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SantasGoodLittleGirl · 06/12/2021 14:24

@Embarrassed1987

I just don’t have the same time that I used to, we have a daughter who is 2 and she takes up a huge amount of time. So much so that some days I’m still in PJs at noon on the days she’s not at nursery (I work 3 days a week) and am a SAHM when not working.

I would like to lose weight, and I do dress nicely when we go out, do hair and makeup etc) but that’s not often at the moment!

Stop.
Breathe.
This is dickish man stuff.

He needs to provide you with money for clothes, beauty treatments and healthy eating for all of you as a routine (not a 'diet'), time to take care of your appearance and time for exercise that you enjoy. Plus, sufficient outings to make all that work worthwhile. If he isn't doing that, he hasn't a leg to stand on. There's no justification for his comments. He's the main breadwinner at present, your care is part of his responsibility.
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simpledeer · 06/12/2021 14:16

I am a size 14 and am definitely overweight. BMI is 28 Sad

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Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 14:14

I would definitely argue that the vast majority of size 14s aren't overweight

What size are you, out of interest?

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MrsFeatherDuster · 06/12/2021 13:28

This was me a few years ago. I was slobbing on the sofa in a tracksuit every evening with a book. Totally disconnected from my DH even though he is a lovely chap and does look after himself.
I asked a few questions on here and got some great advice. I started to make more effort which he enjoyed as it made him feel that there was still a relationship between us rather than just co-parents.
The change has also boosted me as I now see myself as more than just a mum. Loads of benefits if you know what I mean Wink.

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GiveYourHeadAWobble · 06/12/2021 13:28

That’s unfair of him. None of us are teenagers anymore. We have different priorities now, and less time and inclination for rushing off to the salon every couple of days.

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Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 13:27

Using a BMI as a good guide has recently been discredited, to some extent, as it doesn't measure how much fat a person has and how it is distributed.

It's also unreliable for athletes and older people. I would definitely argue that the vast majority of size 14s aren't overweight.

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Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 13:25

Come on. This is exactly why there is a weight problem in this country - people who think size 14 isn’t overweight and hide behind BMIs. It does look overweight, the majority of the time. Everyone just thinks they are in the minority and don’t look overweight.

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pictish · 06/12/2021 13:21

@me4real

People who think 14 isn’t overweight are in denial.

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI (or maybe a large 14 IDK.) At a 14 most people are robust-looking but not overweight. Of course it varies from person to person.

Not true. All but a few 14s will be overweight on the BMI. That's not to say they look it...but they still are.
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