Random tragic memory found in my old diary **Content Warning** Title edited by MNHQ
cardiologist349275 · 04/12/2021 15:36
Sorry this isn't an AIBU but I didn't know where to put this. I was going through 20+ years of diaries and came across a story my mum told me before she died.
There was a little girl who went to school with my brother. She had a brain tumour. She was extremely unwell but still went to school every day, and one boy was always bullying her and pushing her over in the playground and she would cut her knees open all the time. The teacher was also a nasty bully (this was the 80s so she got away with it for years) and was very cruel to the girl because she had to wear trousers because she couldn't cope with a skirt, but she found the trouser buttons really hard to do up and the teacher would pick on her about it and not help her. She died on the day of the school play aged five.
My Mum was haunted by it and never forgot that little girl who she said was so, so sweet.
To add to the family's tragedy, their other daughter sadly suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and had to live in sheltered accommodation. One day about ten years ago the mother went to visit her, not knowing the daughter was having an episode and had snuck a knife into the flat. She was stabbed to death.
Though I never knew any of these people, I think of them often. Their tragedy has been lost to time, but I think if I remember them then they won't just be....gone.
Does anyone else have any memories of other people that come back to them in a haunting way?
Bubblecap · 05/12/2021 00:57
My friends sister Suzanne died as a teenager from cancer. I have had a very difficult life, suffered a child dying myself a few years ago and had a very abusive childhood. If I ever feel really sorry for myself I always think Suzanne died so young she didn’t get to experience anything the good or even the bad.
LyndaSnellsSniff · 05/12/2021 00:57
These stories are so desperately sad.
An American family had come over to Scotland for a couple of years whilst the dad did some research where my dad worked. The children both went to my school. On their way home from a holiday, driving on the motorway, they were hit by a lorry. The mother and daughter died instantly and the dad was in a coma for some time. The son escaped unhurt. I remember the headteacher telling the school about the accident. Just horrific.
A girl from my sister's year at school died in another car crash. She was sitting on the lap of the front seat passenger when the driver lost control and the car hit a wall. The same family also lost a young cousin when he was hit by a car.
A pair of twins from school ran across a busy main road. One got across safely, the other was hit by a car and killed.
My sister's karate teacher was found hanging in the woods. We were very young but I recall there being rumours that he'd been caught with images of child sexual abuse.
liliainterfrutices · 05/12/2021 00:48
That’s dreadful 13years. I hope your son is well and happy now.
13yearslater · 05/12/2021 00:05
When we were about 10 he was off school for quite a long time then he came back and he was thinner and limped and was quieter. The next year we went to secondary school and he was off again. It turned out he had bone cancer in his leg and he died. We just never saw him again and the school never told us until he died. I always think we should have made him some cards and his friends should have gone to see him and kept him company. He must have been so lonely without his friends.
My son went through cancer at primary school. They did send a big card signed by his class mates when he was diagnosed, but nothing after that.
He had four years of treatment - he was in and out of school. We had no support. He received a poor school report in his final year of treatment, for 'lacking focus'. We're talking 2012 - 2015.
thatonesmine · 05/12/2021 00:03
An appalling thing that happened to someone I vaguely knew (friend of a friend) more than 30 years ago and has stayed with me. She was crossing the road with her child in a stroller when a car came out of nowhere killing the child instantly. She never got over it.
Bobsyer · 05/12/2021 00:02
When I was almost 13 and just going into Y8, I remember coming back to school a little later than everyone else as we'd been on holiday. Our year was awash with gossip.
Mark, a boy in my year, had hanged himself over the summer holidays. He had cancer and walked with a limp, and I know some of the more horrible boys would tease him. He was also one of the only black children in my school and I know there was a strong element of racism in the bullying he suffered.
I remember Alf, one of the 'popular' boys, making fun of the fact that Mark had taken his life. I don't think I've ever been so angry with someone in my life. I ripped into him, telling him what a despicable bastard he was; he made Mark's life hell and was now trying to make his death the same. Alf was an absolute shit right up until we left school and I'm sure he hasn't changed now.
RIP Mark. We weren't the best of friends but we were friendly. I think of him often, especially now I have boys the same age.
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 04/12/2021 23:55
Also remember my granny who was born around 1910 telling me about a dead baby they found at the bottom of a rubbish chute in a tenement block... She'd have been around 5 at the time. Also finding remains in ashbins and on the tip wasnt uncommon.
We're so lucky to have access to clean, safe abortion now. I can't even imagine what those women went through.
mumofEandE · 04/12/2021 23:48
At primary school (v late 70s / v early 80s) in one class the punishment for being naughty was to sit next to 'smelly Matthew' - even the teachers called him this.
We must have been about 6 years old so it wasn't 'normal' teenage BO.
I often think for a 6 year old to smell it must have been abuse / neglect - how cruel for us children let alone adults to say this
CharityDingle · 04/12/2021 23:42
Is OP coming back to the thread? Is it a journalist looking for an article?
Redsquirrel5 · 04/12/2021 23:41
My baby sister who never came home from hospital I was three and remember. She lived for ten days. I still cry for her. It affected my mum.
My friend was due the day before me but had her baby 18 days early. I had mine and the day after her baby boy died of cot death. She was a midwife. I think of him on his birthday and the day he died every year. Our older sons were best friends and I am sure they would have been too given the chance.
A little girl at school was excited that her brother was going to start nursery after the holidays but he died of meningitis. The girl was very upset and used to talk to me at the gate. One of the teachers shoed her to go and play one day and I explained. She said “she should have got over that now.” I turned around and said “she will never get over it” and I walked off. I thought what a bitch! I still think of them sometimes.
When I was training part of my time was spent in the children’s ward and there was a lovely little child in who had to have his arm pinned. He was 2 1/2 but didn’t speak. We used to take him to the play room and one day I blew up a blue balloon for him he giggled as it was obvious he had never had one. He played for ages and was the happiest I had seen him. He was still in when my placement finished. I worried about him as it was suspected abuse. He was murdered. I went to the funeral. The detective was so kind to me.I still think of that little boy every Christmas and sometimes other times. I have never got over it but vowed to speak up and protect others and I was able to do that a few times in my work.
On a happier note when I was 17 I saved a little girl’s life. She was drowning and went under the for the fourth time but didn’t come back up. I was a distance away on the other side of the river but kept her in my sight while I removed my riding boots and I dived down several times until I found her. That amazing strength hit me and I pulled her out onto the side and got the water from her lungs and she came around I was so relieved. Someone took over and she went to hospital. The parents didn’t know I had saved her or probably how close to death she was and I was too shy to say. They knew it was one of the young instructors. We were at a children’s camp. I think of her and hope she has a happy life.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/12/2021 23:39
Also our main chef at boarding school was a young man, extremely happy and charismatic snd we all loved him. He always joked and laughed with us, always gave us snacks when we snuck into the kitchen. Heard a few years after I left he threw himself off the cliffs at Beachy Head. Really shocked me; he was just such a happy man, or appeared to be.
gildalily · 04/12/2021 23:25
I had a friend at school whose dad died when she was 13 and her mum remarried shortly afterwards. We'd go and knock for her to come out and she'd say she couldn't as she was there with her stepdad, often her mum was at work. Turns out they were having what she called 'an affair'. Obviously she was being abused. I can remember us all being shocked but the way she told it was as though she was a willing participant. It was only when I got older that I realised what it actually was. This was 40 years ago and I see her sometimes, still. She has never married or been in a long term relationship of any type as far as I'm aware.
PearlSlaghoople · 04/12/2021 23:23
Lovely kind boy at my infants and junior school. Years later purely by chance, his Mum rang our house to talk to my DF about a charity function. I took the message, and commented I once knew a lovely boy with the same surname many years previously, and I often thought of him as he was a kind and gentle boy She started crying… it was her only son and he had died before his teens, of cancer. She was so pleased that someone still remembered him so many years later. It is over 50 years ago now, and I still think of him.
Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead · 04/12/2021 23:22
We had a mass in school after Hillsborough. One of the older boys got up to say a prayer as he lost a friend, who looking back, must have been about 14/15.
He totally broke down and started crying.
It was heartbreaking. And of course the JFT96 (now 97), every year I think about that assembly/mass.
MyCatHatesWhiskas · 04/12/2021 23:13
A boy in my class was killed in a car accident on New Year’s Day in the early years of secondary school, along with his grandad. I think of him every year around this time of year, and every New Year’s Day. It’ll be 28 years this year and he would have turned 40 this month. He’s been dead longer than he was ever alive, bless him. His mother lost her father and son on the same day, and he was an only child. I don’t actually know how you carry on.
It had a huge impact on our class, especially his closest friends. His seat sat empty for months and his best friend would roar at anyone who tried to sit there. I think the teacher eventually did a very tactful seating plan.
The other person I remember at this time of year is our form tutor, who died suddenly of cancer in his early thirties, around this time of year. A hugely talented teacher of true calibre, taken far too soon.
Thebestusername1 · 04/12/2021 23:10
When we in college a bully lets call her chloe chloe was a nasty piece of work and fell pregnant but chloe partied hard and took drugs. She always bullied my group of pals for being too smart. Chloe had a stillborn baby no matter what chloe was like to us we would never wish that on her. I sometimes see her about now she has matured and has a grown up son but it still haunts me to remember her behaviour in college and what happened to her first born child.
thickthighs73 · 04/12/2021 23:04
A heartbreaking thread to read, but it’s touched me that so many of you are keeping your sad losses memory alive in your hearts and thoughts RIEP
TommyShelby · 04/12/2021 23:00
I can’t share your stories because it just breaks my heart but I remember you always.
RicherThanYew · 04/12/2021 23:00
This thread is so full of sadness that it is heartbreaking so I'll add this. I was in school with a girl who wad abused and neglected but apart from the bullies nobody seemed to notice how hard she had it. She never had a coat through the winter and just had a school jumper but sometimes not even that, just a shirt. I don't know if anyone noticed but she never ate with her group at lunchtime either and she didn't show up on non school uniform days. Usually when people go through that for so long life doesn't always get better but I have seen her and she has a family of her own now and is genuinely happy, in fact she is happier than most of my successful friends. Sometimes life works out ok.
Cheeseandlobster · 04/12/2021 22:58
I'm autistic and very much fit the 'little professor' stereotype in primary school. So of course aged 5 or 6 I took it upon myself to tell everyone I could on the playground that Santa wasn't real and was scientifically impossible. The 'naughty boy' of the class took me aside and explained to me that he knew the truth, too, but even though we were right it was nicer not to tell the others. I didn't really understand, but he persevered. Looking back, he was late/absent a lot and dressed quite shabbily, and I suspect he knew because his parents couldn't or didn't get him 'Santa' presents. Having that kind of emotional awareness at such a young age was quite something, though, and I hope his life got better.
Even though there are more heartbreaking stories here, this has really touched me. The fact that a boy from such a deprived background had that level of kindness and emotional intelligence to care about his whole class like thet
ElEmEnOhPee · 04/12/2021 22:43
A girl in my year at secondary, was always a bit timid and "uncool", bullied relentlessly her mum would make her clothes for her so she was always bullied even more on own clothes day. I wasn't close with her but I recall threatening some other kids for picking on her once when I overheard. A friend of mine became quite close with her and turns out her step father had been raping her, I think the mum was aware and iirc she ran away to my friends house one night and told her everything. She's doing a lot better these days I think.
A boy in primary school, D, I guess I figured he had some kind of learning difficulties because his behaviour was strange. He would wee behind doors at school, he would eat food off the floor, he would chase us girls saying "I'm going to squeeze your boobies" (we were around 6 or 7 yrs old). He was laughed at, mocked, avoided ... I don't recall any teachers doing much to help him just punish him for his odd behaviours. When I got up to secondary school I got to the bus stop and he was there, we hadn't spoken much before but we both decided to skip school and go to the park instead. We had a heart to heart and he told me about the serious abuse he'd suffered at home, how his mum had taken her own life with him in the house (there was more to it than that but out of respect I won't divulge any more). He is doing good now. He moved away and seems happy.
What breaks my heart most is these kids who are bullied at school are often the ones that are also having the shittest time at home. If anything comes from the back of this thread I hope it's that people remind their children to be kinder, especially to those who seem like they might need kindness the most.
CrapJumpersAndTea · 04/12/2021 22:39
William, who I was friends with when I was about 6 or 7. He was bullied remorselessly by others for being "different". Looking back, he clearly had SEN but I had no idea about such things back then. I hope he is well and happy now. Another friend had her leg amputated due to cancer aged 13. I remember us visiting her in the hospital with grapes and Jackie magazine and she was so cheerful, yet with her knee (sans rest of leg) propped up on a pillow. She died a few years later. It makes me very sad to think of her life cut so short.
gabsdot45 · 04/12/2021 22:38
I enjoy genealogy. I found a family once, mum, dad 3 or 4 children, Around the turn of the last century they all died within a few years leaving just the oldest child who was 6 when he was orphaned.
I tried to find him in the 1911 census but there was no sign of him. I hope he found someone to care for him.
Ive discovered in my research that most families had a baby or young child die and often more than one child was lost. How did they bear it.
RicherThanYew · 04/12/2021 22:38
A special young girl who kept herself to herself was run over by a refuse truck and killed on her way to colĺect her GCSE's. She didn't have the easiest time in school, as is always the case when youre even slightly different but she was lovely.
hilariousnamehere · 04/12/2021 22:37
Oh, these are such sad stories but I'm so glad that people remember the people who were lost young.
A boy I went to secondary school with, in my year, who was unfailingly kind to everyone despite being firmly in the popular crowd, went back to his home country for sixth form. He died at 17 in the middle of a football game from a previously undetected heart problem.
We got the news on Valentine's Day and I've never been able to celebrate it since. He'd have been 36 now - and apart from the occasional printed photo from our teenage years, there is no trace of him online - it was before social media and camera phones existed.
I think of him often, and always on the anniversary, especially as I get older and we all do things he won't ever get to. As a pp said, it was the first time I realised the fragility of life.
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