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I’ve been admitted to hospital at 37 weeks pg and my do didn’t want to join me
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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:51

AIBU as he’s got work in the morning?

I’ve had a really intense migraine all night and have literally been crawling around our flat in pain. He didn’t want to wake up Ans was telling me to be quiet. At three I called a taxi to take me in after speaking to triage.

I asked if he wanted to come and he said no as he’s got work in the morning.

I’m now dosed up on strong pain relief and have been told I’m staying in tonight. He said he’ll pop by after work.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

MyOtherProfile · 30/11/2021 06:56

It's also a bit crap when you don't have much money that he's spending it on "partying hard". Another thing I'd want a big conversation about.

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Offmyfence · 30/11/2021 06:55

@PinkFing

Thanks *@Pascal80*, no offence taken! We don’t have much money despite both working hard. Mat leave is going to be tough. I wish I had my family nearer. I’m not isolated as I’ve got a few friends but none have babies yet.

Yep, that sort of partying 😂 I again(naively) thought he’d stop when I was pregnant but he’s ramped it up if anything. Maybe getting it all out of his system before settling into Dad life

Partying hard with drink and drugs now will not stop when the baby arrives.

Sorry
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MyOtherProfile · 30/11/2021 06:54

Maybe getting it all out of his system before settling into Dad life
I admire your optimism. In your shoes I'd be having a big conversation with him about this.

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 05:03

Thanks @Pascal80, no offence taken! We don’t have much money despite both working hard. Mat leave is going to be tough. I wish I had my family nearer. I’m not isolated as I’ve got a few friends but none have babies yet.

Yep, that sort of partying 😂 I again(naively) thought he’d stop when I was pregnant but he’s ramped it up if anything. Maybe getting it all out of his system before settling into Dad life

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Pascal80 · 30/11/2021 01:09

You sound lovely OP.
Maybe protect your finances as much as you can and get your family and your friends onside to help you all they can - My concern is that you said your BF ''parties hard'' on his night off or whatever - I assume that means drink and drugs, not pass the parcel and disco dancing. This is not good at all with a baby coming.

It sounds like you don't have a ton of money if you rent a tiny flat and have no car (not being a bitch - I am in same position). Please just try to have other people you see in your life and not just your BF. Don't let yourself be isolated. Best wishes.

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skinoncustard · 30/11/2021 00:27

“He is definitely going to be my birthing partner”

Just make sure you don’t go into labour at night, when he’s tired and has work in the morning!!!
Wake up OP , I’m so sorry, but this is not going to turn out well.

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RozHuntleysStump · 30/11/2021 00:18

That’s just awful. One of the worst posts I’ve ever seen. I’ve had horrendous migraines too and been admitted in the night. I was taken in my my partner. Not pregnant too though! You could have had the baby!

He’s an absolute arsehole and he will be even worse when the baby is here. Take care and good luck.

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NowEvenBetter · 30/11/2021 00:09

Never give a kid the surname of a boyfriend
Never hand over financial control to a boyfriend
Never expect anyone to radically change who they are as a result of impregnating you.
Um…good luck with this. Yikes.

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NeverChange · 29/11/2021 23:49

You are 37 weeks pregnant.
He told you to quiet
He didn't go to the hospital
He let you get a taxi alone - I'll, heavily pregnant and no doubt, anxious and scared
He didn't collect you & let you make your own way home
He isn't even at home to meet you now

Anything could have happened you and/or your baby.
He prioritised sleep.

You are at your most vulnerable right now.
He chose sleep over you, your baby & both of your health.

He really needs to step up.
I couldn't tolerate someone who let me down so badly when I needed them most.

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 23:01

Update: I defo don’t have preeclampsia and I managed to get home tonight. I’m still pissed off with him but I’m also aware I know the real him better than a snapshot on a website.

He’ll be home later and said he’s really glad I’m okay and home. I’m not minimising and it has changed my expectations once again but I don’t want one shitty action determine what is meant to be an exciting adventure for us.

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Suzanne999 · 29/11/2021 21:47

I would go ballistic if my son in law hadn’t cared properly for my daughter when she was pregnant and became ill ( pre eclampsia)
Being woken at night and having work in the morning are no excuses whatsoever when the health of your partner and unborn baby are potentially at risk.
You mention your thoughts of how he would be when you dreamt of being pregnant —- dreams are not the same as reality. I can dream of being a size 6, tall 30 something —- ain’t never going to happen.
You are responsible for yourself and your baby and you have to live in the real world. It’s essential you keep your finances in your name, your account —- who’s told you you’re rubbish at finance? Simple booking keeping, keeping a track on your spending is easy. And it’s essential you have money in reserve, you might need it one day.
I hope you’re feeling better, migraines are the pits at any time but more so when pregnant. Rest up, keep calm but put some plans in place. If you never need them that’s fine but just in case.
Good luck with the next few weeks, hope all goes well.

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Sosigsandwich · 29/11/2021 21:28

My DH wouldn't have dreamed of behaving like that. He know without doubt he would have done everything in his power to help and support me. He sounds like a selfish knob.

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Marvellousmadness · 29/11/2021 21:27

And like pp said:mumsnet is full with threads with women who have babies with useless men :(

Adjust your expectations now. But also:tell him what you expect him to do.

But this is a conco that should be had before trying for a baby really

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Marvellousmadness · 29/11/2021 21:24

O shit. "fantasied he’d turn into a stereotypical over protective dad to be and he hasn’t yet."

This never works... probably he'll be opposite to that. And indifferent like he already is

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WeepingWInnie · 29/11/2021 19:29

I keep telling him he's got to help me

Nobody is ever going to get anywhere so long as women are talking about the father of their children "helping" them. MN is stuffed full of threads by women who have saddled themselves with useless men. Some of the uselessness (not all of it, by any means) comes from women assuming that men are not as capable of being parents as they are. OP, he won't be "helping" you. He will be a parent to his child, and you both need to internalise this idea.

I'm glad you're going to have your maternity pay sent to your own account. You're going to have to stop shopping for a while, but you must know that.

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TheWeeDonkey · 29/11/2021 15:04

Oh no, this does not bode well. The pair of you need to wake up and grow up quick smart! The amount of women on here who have babies with a charming waste of space because they think it will change him into the man they want rather than the man they have just scares the life out of me. If he's this useless now whats he going to be like when you have a grumpy, sleepless 6 month old and you're to sore and exhausted for sex.

He needs to seriously up his game and you need to up your expectations. Men will only get away with as much as you allow so set your stall now and don't stand for anything less.

Good luck OP, I hope you start to feel better soon and that the birth goes well, but please. If you can't expect more for you, expect more for your child Flowers

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casinoroyale4ever · 29/11/2021 14:17

Thank goodness you've backed off paying your ML into his account, terrible idea. And please don't cut back on your work and then try and pay for everything you are currently paying for out of a reduced salary - baby expenses should be shared.

@PinkFing please cue up any RL support - it's weird and inexcusable to shout at your heavily pg partner when they're in pain.

I've got two dc, and we've had many crises where my dh or I have not behaved as we might've wished through sheer exhaustion, but at 37 weeks pg with the first one? No way.

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UniversalAunt · 29/11/2021 12:36

Sweet text the morning after?
I’d rather have a good cup of tea.

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Dixiechickonhols · 29/11/2021 12:31

Look after yourself Op and make best decisions for you and baby.
Rethink your language he’s not helping you he will be parenting same as you.
I hope he surprises you but it doesn’t sound promising. Please make sure you have real life support.

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Anonymouseposter · 29/11/2021 12:26

Nasty to tell you to shut up when you were ill and to take no interest. It doesn't bode well for how he will be looking after a baby.

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Dixiechickonhols · 29/11/2021 12:26

Op’s unmarried so she can’t put him on birth certificate. If he accompanies her to registration he can be named. If he cba going to hospital with her in pain at 37 weeks he probably cba going to the council offices with Op to register baby.
I certainly wouldn’t rush to register birth. See how he is. Being vile because he was half asleep doesn’t bode well for you all sleep deprived with a newborn. If he goes on birth certificate he gets parental responsibility which could cause op issues down the line. Baby can know who dad is whether he’s on birth certificate or not.

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RubyTuesday70 · 29/11/2021 12:09

Blimey, that's pretty cold hearted OP to let you deal with this yourself when you're carrying his child. And it's not a very good sign of the future ahead of you.

You need to establish some very firm boundaries of what you're not prepared to tolerate here, and let him know.

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 12:06

We both REALLY want one. It was a joint decision but I’ve realised through pregnancy that we’ve been a bit hasty.

We rent a tiny flat. We both have stable jobs though.

We’ve been together for 5 years.

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Finknottlesnewt · 29/11/2021 12:00

Whose idea was a baby OP ?

How long have you been together. Do you both have stable jobs ? Have you bought a house or do you rent one with your name on the deeds/tenancy ?

Basically - were you BOTH ready for a baby ? Or was this something you wanted and decided to do. Presenting him with a positive pregnancy test - expecting him to step up ?
Only you know the true answer to that. Most will reply that 'he was really happy when I realised I was pregnant' when the reality is that most unmarried men in their early thirties are not hankering after kids but don't want to look like complete dicks when faced with a pregnancy. (So much more education is needed with young men when it comes to guarding their own fertility - but that's a whole other thread)

If he was genuinely as keen as you to have a child then with luck he will embrace the reality of fatherhood and be the man you hope he will be.

If however - this was a decision driven by you in the hope he would get on board - the 'reality' could make him run for the hills. Which means you need to be prepared.

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 11:59

I am really pissed off and upset about it. That’s why I posted.

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