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Life as a carer - I want my own life now
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Rosepetals34 · 24/11/2021 19:12

I’m 27 and single. My mum is in her 50s and got pregnant with my brother 8 years ago. Sadly, his father passed away when he was only a couple of weeks old, leaving just the 3 of us.
My mums health got progressively worse and she doesn’t have much mobility. I am her full time carer but not just for her, my brother too, since birth and we have a very close bond, I don’t work, I don’t have a relationship (I tried once but it failed) and quite honestly it’s getting too much. I love her and want to be there for her but I’m starting to resent it too. I’ve missed out on my 20s. I dropped out of uni after she got pregnant.
My brother has no one, no grandparents, and no one to provide for him beside me and my mum. I feel I owe it to him to be there for him. However, it’s a lifelong responsibility that I didn’t ask for but I love him dearly and wouldn’t change the fact he’s here.
He is now 8, if I stay around until he’s of potentially leaving age (say 18) I’ll be pushing 40! That scares me. I don’t know how I can have my life and also be there for him. It doesn’t seem possible but am I unreasonable for feeling what is now quite a lot of resentment?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Cacee3029 · 24/11/2021 19:45

That sounds really tough op. It's unfair if you do it all on your own. Your mums feelings of not wanting a carer is valid but not fair on your. I know little about how it would work. But could you contact local authority to see what help there is? Even if your mum had a carer for some days of the week and you do the other days, it will free up some time for you fo be yourself and socialise etc. I don't really know what to suggest regarding your little brother.

Your mum is very lucky to have you but you need to do you and have your own life too!

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flapjackfairy · 24/11/2021 19:42

Well she needs to get over it and let the carers take over. You cannot do this long term without support. It is impossible and v unfair on you tbh.
What a lovely daughter you are but it is time to put limits in place to enable you to have at least some time to yourself to pursue your own interests.

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Rosepetals34 · 24/11/2021 19:38

@Mooloolabababy

Ah op, that sounds really tough Thanks
What is your mums illness? Can you get help for her? Presumably she gets PIP, can she pay for carers from that to get help in at all? It's unfair that it all falls to you, you need support as well, are you in contact with anyone who can support you? Do you have any social life?

She has MS and cerebral palsy. She can get carers but doesn’t want them and would prefer me, which I get. I used to have some support from a group that supported young adult carers but then I got too old and it went defunct anyway after covid. I have absolutely no social life. I rely on online friends which is less than ideal because that toys with my emotions at times too
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Mooloolabababy · 24/11/2021 19:28

Ah op, that sounds really tough Thanks
What is your mums illness? Can you get help for her? Presumably she gets PIP, can she pay for carers from that to get help in at all? It's unfair that it all falls to you, you need support as well, are you in contact with anyone who can support you? Do you have any social life?

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