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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...
235

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/11/2021 22:17

I always feel a bit sad that kids think that Santa will reward them with more / put them higher on the nice list based on their behaviour during the year because if they have wealthier friends or friends whose parents just spend more at Christmas, it makes gifting transactional thing that could make them feel they weren't as good as / weren't good enough in comparison to other kids. I guess that's up to parents as to how they position it to their kids but they can still be influenced by the whole 'naughty or nice' list / being good because santa will know etc. If you have poor parents it doesn't matter how good you are, you won't get as many presents.

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imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 13/11/2021 22:17

At age 9? I'd say your child has done them a favour by spilling the beans and letting the other 9 year old know in their own harmless childish way. Believing in Father Christmas any older than that is awkward.

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Toohardtofindaproperusername · 13/11/2021 22:17

please dont tell your child not to sepak about santa not being real. it sends a very probelmatic and confusing message. Children can do what they want with 'truth'. Santa doesnt exist - you cna help him to understand that some little kids like to believe so it can be kind to not tell them. But please don't make him feel bad for speaking 'truth'. it's a powerful and courageous and importnat.

How people manage stuff being revealed is up to them. Xmas is still magical when you know santa doesnt exist. Dont take the hit - ignore the message or at the very least do not apologise for your son.

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LindaLooky · 13/11/2021 22:15

I think it is a bit of a shame for the kids that still believed. I dont think I'd be texting a parent if their kid spilled the beans though, It is bound to happen when kids talk. I'd just say something about believing being a choice.

But I'd not send a goady text to the upset parents.

Let's hope your kid doesnt tell them about the birds and bees next Grin

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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 22:14

'Sorry to hear your 9 year old let the cat out of the bag since you were hoping they wouldn't tell younger ones, not quite sure what X has to do with it. They're entitled to join in a discussion the whole class was having and don't have to lie to suit their Christian holiday celebrating classmates Merry Christmas'

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MotherOfCrocodiles · 13/11/2021 22:13

It's their fault. They should have told the 9 yo so that they could also have a conversation with him about not spoiling it for little ones. By leaving him to find out from friends they were leaving it to chance whether he would tell siblings.

My DH is from another country. Apparently there it is normal that at a certain age (7?) the teacher actually tells the class "Santa isn't real, you probably know this already, now you are all responsible for helping keep the secret and make the magic for little ones". Kind of shocking but maybe not such a bad idea...?

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Puffalicious · 13/11/2021 22:13

See all this ' At 9 he should know',
'It's ridiculous at that age', it really pisses me off. Each to their own. My DC3 is 9 and, whilst he is in mainstream school and bright, he has ASD and is emotionally a little younger so is still fully caught up in the magic of Santa. His teen brothers love to keep the magic going for him too.

Whilst I'd be disappointed, I wouldn't be angry at another DC unless it had been done maliciously. What does make me angry is MNetters judging me for my family choices.

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CallMeMabel · 13/11/2021 22:13

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you. Grinchy bitch.

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Kanaloa · 13/11/2021 22:10

@Dee1975

I think the other parent is being unreasonable. Children will hear it from others. My DD 9 got told the other week. I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!). I will tell her the truth if she asks be again after Christmas.
However, I don’t blame this other child. She too is a child.
It’s not your fault. It’s not your child’s fault. Other mother is being ridiculous in blaming your child. Id it wasn’t your child it would have been another.

Why are you ‘so desperate’ for her still to believe another year? Will Christmas be so awful if she doesn’t believe in Santa?

And by telling her if she ‘doesn’t believe he won’t come’ you’ve only ensured that she’ll pretend to believe to ensure she still gets gifts. So not sure about any of that really.
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Crazycrazylady · 13/11/2021 22:07

Have to say I'd be gutted if my younger kids found out before 9/10 ish so I can understand her disappointment. I'd probably have asked you to ask him not to discuss it further at school but that would be it ..

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Kanaloa · 13/11/2021 22:06

@CanofCant

If there is one phrase that I have had my fill of it's 'the magic of Christmas'. So vomit inducing and twee.

Can’t agree with this enough! It’s so silly and ‘magic of Christmas’ seems to mean believing in Santa and paying for magical grottos, magical winter woodland experiences, magical train breakfasts with Santa, magical Christmas Eve boxes, magical elf on the shelf, magical experiences of this and that and the next.

Nobody seems to think walking home from school with your Christingle orange or eating chocolate coins while reading or getting home after a winter walk and stripping off to change into pj’s in front of the radiator are ‘magical’ but they’re all my loveliest memories of my kids at Christmas time. The ridiculous pressure for everything so be super duper instagrammable magic is actually really bad in my opinion.

Anyway she’s nine not four. I imagine she already knew Santa isn’t real.
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WomanStanleyWoman · 13/11/2021 22:06

As much as I’d be tempted to say ‘Well it’s your little angel who decided he’d ruin it for his brothers and sisters, so if you want to blame anyone, blame him’, it probably wouldn’t do much to keep the peace Grin I think go with something simple and noncommittal, such as ‘I’m sorry to hear your child was upset, but children do tend to talk about these things. I’ll ask him not to do so again’.

Realistically this was probably the last year the child would believe anyway. I remember a colleague telling me a couple of years ago that she’d had to comfort her ‘sobbing’ 11 year-old when she found out. I was frankly amazed that a child that age would be devastated.

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Mamacarrot · 13/11/2021 21:59

This made me laugh . Its not that deep . At 9 he should have known, your kid did them a favour

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Maddiemoosmum0203 · 13/11/2021 21:58

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

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Thatsplentyjack · 13/11/2021 21:55

Well I hope they've spoken to their 9 year old about keeping their mouth shut too. They are the one that blabber to the younger children. That's worse! 9 is a fine age to find out about santa fgs. How long do people want to keep their children babies?

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Dee1975 · 13/11/2021 21:54

I think the other parent is being unreasonable. Children will hear it from others. My DD 9 got told the other week. I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!). I will tell her the truth if she asks be again after Christmas.
However, I don’t blame this other child. She too is a child.
It’s not your fault. It’s not your child’s fault. Other mother is being ridiculous in blaming your child. Id it wasn’t your child it would have been another.

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LolaSmiles · 13/11/2021 21:53

It's not your child's fault that their child told their siblings.

Sometimes I think santa is more about the parents than the children. Some parents seem to want to keep their children young and use the 'magic of Christmas' to do it, hence the ridiculous responses to their children finding out or going to great lengths to squash any doubt.

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CanofCant · 13/11/2021 21:53

If there is one phrase that I have had my fill of it's 'the magic of Christmas'. So vomit inducing and twee.

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Itsnotdeep · 13/11/2021 21:52

My child has also found out recently - she's 9. I would expect them to start talking and questioning at this age.

it's not your fault they told their siblings. But still I'd say sorry.

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BonnesVacances · 13/11/2021 21:51

Dear parent. I'm sorry your DS told his younger siblings. Santas.

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Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/11/2021 21:49

Oh FFS, it's about time her kid learned the truth, if they still believe in it all in a year when they are 10 they will be a target for bullies.....

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TolkiensFallow · 13/11/2021 21:48

I don’t think it’s your fault their kid told the younger siblings.

I would assume at 9 most of them know. I think your kid was also reasonable to assume their mates knew.

This parent sounds a bit OTT to be texting you. I would understand if it was reception class but it isn’t.

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Wombatstew · 13/11/2021 21:46

Another child told my DS this week. I have to say I was bit disappointed. Since DS asked me outright and had apparently been arguing the case for Santa I told him the truth.
I also gave him strict instructions not to tell anyone else just in case (his best friend still believes) and if the subject came up again it was better just to not join in the discussion. I trust him on this.
Coincidentally he also lost a tooth the same night, same child told him tooth fairy not real!

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PlanDeRaccordement · 13/11/2021 21:45

The sooner a child learns the truth, the better in my opinion. There’s nothing “magic” about being lied to.

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DeepaBeesKit · 13/11/2021 21:42

I'd really reinforce the point too to your child that it's best to walk away from conversations about santa at school, to avoid further upsets!

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