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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...

235 replies

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Fastforwardtospring · 13/11/2021 22:40

DC age 9 will be talking about Santa, some will believe, some won’t, and some will wonder, like my DC, I used to say if Santa isn’t real how do the presents get there? Carried this on until they got to secondary school before I admitted he wasn’t real!. Don’t worry about it, she’s batshit, it’s down to the parents how long they want to keep the game up.

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ParkheadParadise · 13/11/2021 22:40

I still believed in Santa in my 20's 😜😜
My mum had a Christmas stocking for dd and l at her house.
In my 30's I still put it at my mum's fireplace every year.
To be fair my mum always filled it with gifts from Santa 🎅🎅🎅

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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:40

I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!).

Well yes, because you've made it clear you'll punish her if she doesn't.

What kind of "magic" is this? Who benefits and at whose cost?

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Justjoinedforthis · 13/11/2021 22:37

What kids love about Santa is the presents! Of he was just a weird guy who came by your house to spread Christmas cheer kids wouldn’t give a shit. They are all about the presents, any why shouldn’t they be. My parents never did Santa, and the magic of Christmas for me was feeling superior to my gullible classmates - pffft you believe everything your parents tell you?
I don’t do Santa with mine and they still love Christmas….because of the presents. Seems a weird creepy lie and also agree that the ‘good behaviour = presents’ schtick is awful.

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BananaPB · 13/11/2021 22:37

I wouldn't reply tbh. The fact that this 9 year old doesn't know shoes that the whole Santa drama is for the parents really. It's not your son's fault that he told his sibling.

My kids knew before their friends and they learned to say nothing when the subject came up. They would be gutted if they upset someone else over the topic too.

If you really want to send a text then say that you're sorry that X is upset which is true but no need to apologize for him telling his sibling. He told his sibling for the same reason that your son told his friend.

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shampooing · 13/11/2021 22:36

Sorry I meant DNiece, not DM, my mother does not believe in Santa!

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shampooing · 13/11/2021 22:35

@LolaSmiles

It's not your child's fault that their child told their siblings.

Sometimes I think santa is more about the parents than the children. Some parents seem to want to keep their children young and use the 'magic of Christmas' to do it, hence the ridiculous responses to their children finding out or going to great lengths to squash any doubt.

Absolutely about the parents, ad the very next post after yours illustrates:
My DD 9 got told the other week. I too was disappointed, but am so desperate for her to still believe for one more year I told her that If she doesn’t believe he won’t come. So for now I have sort of saved it. (I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is going along with it!).

It's so ridiculous, SIL does this and DM aged almost 12 (!) and at high school was in tears last Christmas when a friend was chatting to her and assumed she knew but was keeping up the pretence for the younger siblings. DN definitely hadn't known.

I think 6 - 8 is probably a usual time for children to figure it out. Other children in the family were always told that Santa was just a symbol of Christmas but managed not to tell the others.
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Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/11/2021 22:31

It's normal to question it and to seek answers. The first thing my 6 year old nephew did when he got access the a lap top was to google if Santa existed Grin. If they are questioning things they will find a way to discover the truth. And if not they will still find out soon enough (and hopefully before it becomes embarrassing).

Also, any parent who believes that their 10+ year old believes in Santa is more gullible than their child.....they often know but don't want to ruin it for the parents!

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user1487194234 · 13/11/2021 22:30

Still believing in Santa at 9
Right

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muldersspeedos · 13/11/2021 22:30

@UsernameUnavailable1 is Christmas really pushed upon them? If people don't celebrate can't they sit out festive activities at school?

I still believe Star

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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:29

@UsernameUnavailable1

Actually I think I'd respond 'Please don't retaliate by telling them the hanukkah armadillo isn't real!'

Wait....what???

😭
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DrSbaitso · 13/11/2021 22:28

Kids talk and Santa isn't real. They must have been working damn hard to keep this going when the child is 9.

I sometimes wonder for whose benefit this "magic of Christmas" stuff is for when people go to such extremes over it. Not very Christmas spirit when it makes you turn into a bit of a nasty loon.

As a stock response, I like the one about Santa being real, but not as a man in a red and white suit; he's the spirit of Christmas, kindness and generosity.

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TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 13/11/2021 22:28

Best you keep schtum about the Tooth Fairy...

... and the flatness of the Earth.

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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 22:28

Actually I think I'd respond 'Please don't retaliate by telling them the hanukkah armadillo isn't real!'

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NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/11/2021 22:28

@UsernameUnavailable1

'Sorry to hear your 9 year old let the cat out of the bag since you were hoping they wouldn't tell younger ones, not quite sure what X has to do with it. They're entitled to join in a discussion the whole class was having and don't have to lie to suit their Christian holiday celebrating classmates Merry Christmas'

The biggest offender on the Santa is Fake and the Tooth Fairy is Your Mum subject at DD1's infant school was the child of Evangelicals. It was their duty to make sure children didn't fall to the lure of magic and thereby the machinations of Satan, apparently.


SD has never believed because she was scared of the idea of a stranger in the house. DP and his ex sat down with her and explained it's a fairy story to make children happy and go to bed earlier whilst their parents wrapped their presents, so if she told anyone at school, they might get up in the night and spoil the surprise - or it could mean their parents were really tired in the morning from having to wait until they'd gone to sleep before wrapping them. This made sense to her and she decided that she would therefore keep this secret to protect 'the little ones'. She was five at the time.



I made the mistake of saying I knew he wasn't real when I was eight. I was told that as I knew the truth, I couldn't have tooth fairy money, as many presents or bedtime stories anymore. Thing is, I'd always known it wasn't the truth as my older brother had told me when I was little and because I hadn't wanted to believe him, I had stayed awake to see Father Christmas and heard the presents being wrapped before a pillowcase was dumped on the end of my bed. I just really wanted to believe that there was magic and kindness in the world, despite my reality being very different.
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UsernameUnavailable1 · 13/11/2021 22:26

@Puffalicious

For PP - I don't do the 'magic of Santa' for Instagram FFS, I do it for my child.

Usernameunavailable I'm atheist. Santa has nothing to do with religion. But that won't suit your agenda you're trying to push. It's a time for light and joy.

What agenda am I pushing?
That children shouldn't have to lie? Especially since there are children of all faiths (mine included) who have a Christain holiday pushed on them, or taken aside in class and told not to mention Santa and be quiet when it comes up?
Christmas is a Christian holiday, and it is celebrating a Christian holiday regardless of whether or not you're christain or put a secular spin on it. Christmas and Santa aren't things you have to do or pretend you do.
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Grapewrath · 13/11/2021 22:25

*isn’t

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Grapewrath · 13/11/2021 22:25

I’d explain that it’s her child who made the younger siblings aware, not yours. At 9 most kids know Santa inset real surely?

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Volhhg · 13/11/2021 22:24

Some good points here about telling a child what to do with truth, and the Santa behaviour reward with gifts.

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youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/11/2021 22:22

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you.

This is amazing Grin

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Volhhg · 13/11/2021 22:21

@CallMeMabel

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you. Grinchy bitch.

🤣🤣
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Queenoftheashes · 13/11/2021 22:19

LIE not kid

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Puffalicious · 13/11/2021 22:19

For PP - I don't do the 'magic of Santa' for Instagram FFS, I do it for my child.

Usernameunavailable I'm atheist. Santa has nothing to do with religion. But that won't suit your agenda you're trying to push. It's a time for light and joy.

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Queenoftheashes · 13/11/2021 22:19

I told my nephew Santa didn’t exist and he informed me that I was mistaken, that he had seen proof (footsteps in the fireplace, half eaten mince pies etc) and told everyone what a moron I was for not believing. Tell these parents they’ve not made their kid convincing enough.

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Toohardtofindaproperusername · 13/11/2021 22:18

@CallMeMabel

Pretend you still believe in Santa & text her back telling her she's just ruined the magic of Christmas for you. Grinchy bitch.

Grin
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