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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...
235

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

LindaEllen · 14/11/2021 08:05

I remember finding out when I was very young, and I told my friend. I felt like such a grown up, knowing this huge secret that other children didn't know. I bet the girl's parents thought I was such a little bitch.

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DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 08:03

Or does Santa-fever run too deep here to be discouraged by a mere few skeptics.

As with adults, if they really want to believe something, they will. I had a friend at school who woke up and saw her father filling the stockings, but still believed after that. Another whose parents somehow forgot to do it at all but still believed after the cockup.

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WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 14/11/2021 08:01

As long as it wasn’t said in anger or to deliberately upset others it’s a non issue. I would reiterate how people have the right to believe what they like (god, Santa, crystals etc) and tolerance for others beliefs is important in a mixed society. I would send a brief apology text saying it wasn’t malicious and you have spoken about it. They are crazy to have messaged you but if you want to remain friends it’s easier just to gloss over it.

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Harlequin1088 · 14/11/2021 08:00

Unfortunately there's always going to be a kid that spills the beans and in this situation your kid happened to be that kid.

I'm guessing the parents of this other child are more upset that their kid has then gone on to tell their younger siblings about it (which to be fair, your child had no control over) which has resulted in a house full of crying, inconsolable children, hence the rather shirty message from the other parent.

I'd just pop a message back saying you've spoken to your kid and they're very upset at having upset their kid and they've been told to rein in the Santa talk moving forward. Sadly it's done now so there's not a lot you or anyone else can do.

The only thing you could perhaps do is turn this experience into a life lesson for your child about thinking of others' feelings before they speak, etc. Use this negative experience as a positive learning tool and all that.

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Pottedpalm · 14/11/2021 07:57

@Mummyoflittledragon
‘Village mentality’!! It’s not the middle ages! Do you inly leave the village once a day? That is one of the most ridiculous things I have read on here.
Oh, and I have lived in various villages for 40 years.

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lljkk · 14/11/2021 07:57

I never taught DC about FC.
They learned about FC at school & chose to believe.
Wouldn't believe me when I tried to tell them different
Didn't matter what my DC told other kids -- all the kids chose to believe.
So these threads amuse me because I can't understand how any trauma & big reveal events happen at all, given how strong our local believe is in FC.

Are my kids just not very influential? Or does Santa-fever run too deep here to be discouraged by a mere few skeptics.

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Oblomov21 · 14/11/2021 07:46

Her child told their younger siblings?

Maybe she should be addressing that then.

Whilst your child initially spoke, your child is not responsible for the fact that older child consciously chose to then tell younger siblings.

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forinborin · 14/11/2021 07:29

There's a big difference between saying FC isnt real, and disrespecting rhe foundations of some people's religion. Your DS crossed the line amd i hope you explained that to him.
I don't think saying that god(s) don't exist is disrespecting anyone's religion. It is just expressing an individual atheistic / agnostic opinion and is as valid as another child saying that they do exist. And I'd like to see it respected to the same extent.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2021 07:25

@RBKB

Haha...my kid worked out, then told her best mate, santa wasn't real when she was 5. Unfortunately said best mate's mum was a childminder and the news got around like wildfire. I am afraid that switched on kids work it out quite young. Kids not knowing by 9 is a bit weird if you ask me....and it's a bit weird to be so offended that someone tells them!! Not your fault OP.

Not weird. We live in a village and village mentality is very different from towns and cities / countries I lived in. I wonder if this has a bearing as a lot of dd’s friends believed at 9.
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ThisAintNoPartyThisAintNoDisco · 14/11/2021 07:17

But HER child has done exactly the same thing and told their siblings. If she has no omnipotent control over conversations in her own home how does she expect others to police conversations at school ?

She must have known this day would come surely and had an idea how she would play it from there. Sending out shirty texts makes her look bonkers.

She has many so other awkward milestone conversations ahead of her to navigate about all kinds of subjects, that’s part of being a parent and she needs to pace herself 😂

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Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2021 07:12

I agree with the double standards pointed out that your 9 yo should know better than to talk to their peers but their 9yo is exonerated from upsetting a younger sibling. Perhaps you should tape your ds’s mouth shut. 🙄

For those saying 9 yos don’t believe. It really depends on circumstances. My dd totally believed at 9. When she was 10, she asked and I confirmed her suspicions. A couple of weeks later, she started talking about Santa coming. I wasn’t quite sure what to do but took her lead and we did the Santa thing one last time.

I had someone drunk text me I’d told a 12 yo btw. I think this is also a drunk text.

Did you respond in the end op?

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Grida · 14/11/2021 07:09

Children have this discussion a lot. I imagine most children have at least questioned the existence of Santa by age 9. They would have to be pretty dozy not to.

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tootyfruitypickle · 14/11/2021 06:48

They all talk about it at school. I'd ignore personally, what a ridiculous message. 9!

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DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 06:46

On a pie? On a lie.

My autocorrect is drunk these days. Or maybe I am.

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DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 06:43

The thing is, Santa isn't a god. He's a present bringer, at least in his current incarnation. Look at how many parents use the threat of no presents to try to force their kids to believe. It's not comparable to an established religion's deity, when it's never any secret that there's no absolute incontrovertible proof either way, and it is actually integral to an entire culture or belief system. It's a fun fantasy, mostly for parents' benefit, that everyone knows the kids will outgrow.

Does anyone make this comparison with the Tooth Fairy?

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Camii · 14/11/2021 06:42

I'm amazed by some of the responses.
At nine these kids are surely smart enough to know.
I remember my seven year old being dropped home from school the day after his younger brother was born. The mum said: "sorry my older son explained how babies get here on the way home from school"
My son was obviously quite upset. I told him we would talk about it later when the others were in bed (and I had time to work out what to say) but not to worry about it and changed the subject. Later after the conversation I also told him it wasn't something to discuss with his friends.
I was quite unimpressed with the mum for not shutting it down in the car. But she has her own way of doing stuff and was helping me out.
I would reply only to say that your child is gutted but no apology necessary.

I think the mother is a giant silly cow. Kids talk and they teach each other rude words and tell them scary stuff and it's our job as parents to work out how to deal with it and frame it in a non scary or acceptable way.

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TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 14/11/2021 06:39

Wow, they sounds bloody weird.

I'd just assume it was sent in a drunken haze or on some kind of dare and completely ignore the message.

I wouldn't even bother talking to my child about it. He is allowed to discuss with friends whether he does or doesn't believe in something. Leave him to crack on.

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DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 06:38

there is something very unpleasant about a child who has been told the truth about Santa by their parents and then insists on slapping that truth like a wet fish in the faces of their classmates.

Er, they're children. They're pretty innocent. They're not going through the thought process of all the adults who want to keep the lie going past its natural end point for their own satisfaction. Children talk and question, and it's natural that they should talk about when they think the adults are fooling them amd what the world is really like.

It's very self serving, and not at all understanding of the nature of growing up, to try to paint this as malicious and unpleasant, and somehow not entirely normal for an growing child discovering the world with their peers. I think you should look at why you see it this way. There might be some kids who like bursting other children's bubbles, but that's the risk an adult takes when they pin all their "magic of Christmas", whatever that tiresome thing is, on a pie that hasn't got many years in it. And even if they were doing it just to be horrible, they're kids.

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loislovesstewie · 14/11/2021 06:37

BTW my son has autism.

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RedHelenB · 14/11/2021 06:34

When my kids found out they wouldn't have dreamed of spoiling it for anyone else so your son has been a bit mean. I'd send an apologetic text and impress on your son that he shouldn't spoil it for others.

I've been in secondary schools where SEN children believed in Santa and their classmates enthralling with it when asked if he was real.

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Billybagpuss · 14/11/2021 06:32

Honestly I’d text back, ‘seriously? You’re pissed off at my dc for joining in a whole class discussion and didn’t keep quiet about a lie you’ve been telling your kids? Ok then….

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knitnerd90 · 14/11/2021 06:26

We don't do Santa (and privately I think it's awful, do some kids grow up thinking Santa loves rich kids more?) I did tell my kids that it wasn't their place to spoil it for others.

But really they're 9. You can't expect all the kids to believe and keep quiet, certainly not at this age.

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FangsForTheMemory · 14/11/2021 06:26

I was about 3 when older kids told me Father Christmas isn’t real. I kept this information to myself because I was worried about not getting presents if I blabbed. HTH.

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RBKB · 14/11/2021 06:24

Haha...my kid worked out, then told her best mate, santa wasn't real when she was 5. Unfortunately said best mate's mum was a childminder and the news got around like wildfire. I am afraid that switched on kids work it out quite young. Kids not knowing by 9 is a bit weird if you ask me....and it's a bit weird to be so offended that someone tells them!! Not your fault OP.

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Gliderx · 14/11/2021 06:24

Telling the truth is overrated in this instance. Of course children talk but there is something very unpleasant about a child who has been told the truth about Santa by their parents and then insists on slapping that truth like a wet fish in the faces of their classmates. If you have to discuss the topic at all (and personally I think it is best just to let the belief fade away in this instance), it's best to tell your children that some children believe and we should be respectful of what other people believe. This is after all what we do when it comes to other beliefs like religion. I don't believe in a mythical deity myself but I would never dream of saying to those who do that their belief is illogical and unfounded as that's just offensive. Nor would I find it acceptable for my children to do this.

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