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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...
235

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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TheSpiral · 16/11/2021 11:59

When I was a kid (and loved the idea of Santa) I used to believe that children who said it was their parents, or who said their parents had told them it was them, actually were too naughty for Santa to come to and so their parents had had to step up. The same for those who had loads more presents than me, or families where "Santa" brought all the big tree presents - those were extra ones that the parents had bought, because Father Christmas only brings small gifts for the stocking.

I made this up myself.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/11/2021 11:50

Hi X, spoke to DC and he/she was gutted to find out they'd upset your child. Have reminded them to keep Santa chat for home. All the best.

^^ this is good, but I would add in an apology

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MizzFizz · 16/11/2021 10:53

The funny thing is, they're upset that your child told their child... But THEIR child told their other child, so basically did the exact same thing as your child... 🙄🙄🙄

I would say that your child is gutted they upset their friend (truth) and leave it at that.

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NiceDayForA · 16/11/2021 10:43

When my DC worked out Santa wasn't real they carried on pretending to believe he was knowing that I knew they knew the truth. It just made for a sweeter Christmas.

I think they thought they'd get less or no presents if they admitted the truth out loud Grin

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NiceDayForA · 16/11/2021 10:40

Ha ha

These parents are ridiculous and precious

Obviously Santa is something kids talk about and at some point one will always state he's not real and age 9 is a pretty normal age to do this.

I would just ignore them and not bother to answer

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EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 16/11/2021 10:30

I've never told any of mine he's not real. They don't seem damaged by the lie as 26 and 18 year old adults.

My 10 year old doesn't really believe now either . He wouldn't go around telling other children santa isn't real though. Same as he doesn't go around telling them that God isn't real

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Lewski · 16/11/2021 10:19

Back in the day I was probably 'that' child - my parents told me aged 5 that they put the presents in my stocking. It arose because we moved to a new house which didnt have a fireplace and chimney so I asked my parents directly and was told.

It seems silly to base the celebration of Christmas upon a myth - apart from anything else the children womnt appreciate the hard work we as parents put in!

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billy1966 · 16/11/2021 09:50

@HotPenguin

How is it your 9yo fault that her 9yo told their siblings? I have a 9yo and I'd better there isn't a single kid in their class who doesn't doubt that Santa is real. Some have been saying they don't believe since y1.

What strikes me is this.

She's pissed off with you because of your son telling and her child has done the EXACT same thing telling his siblings.

I think I would say I am so sorry that a conversation involving lots of children including your son has caused upset in her house and that was not the intention.

Very unkind of her to single your son out.
Unfortunately children do chat about these things but I always warned my to never get involved in confirming Santa didn't exist as they never knew who might still believe.
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Pesimistic · 16/11/2021 08:57

My child found out at 7 that santa wasn't real, from a child at school, there's nothing you can do about it.

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DrSbaitso · 16/11/2021 08:45

@TirednWorried

People need to understand that really older children only believe because they trust their parents not to lie to them.

Or they've been threatened with no gifts...
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dottiedodah · 16/11/2021 08:30

Tbh 9 is quite old to still believe in santa. I think it is silly to not expect children to talk among themselves. It is unfortunate that smaller dc are upset obv ,but that's life! He should not have told his siblings so the onus is on him not your child anyway

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TirednWorried · 16/11/2021 08:13

People need to understand that really older children only believe because they trust their parents not to lie to them.

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TirednWorried · 16/11/2021 08:11

I remember an older kid terrifying me with tales of black magic and saying he was hoing fo make my mum die. And thats the rub. If your child believes in magic, its not just good things like father Christmas, its witches, curses, spells and all that.

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LindaLooky · 16/11/2021 08:00

Oh bless him @Mommybean. I'm not sure what age is best to find out. I guess you definitely want them to be aware by secondary school otherwise they'll get bullied.

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Mommybean · 16/11/2021 00:25

My son was 12 years old when he discovered santa wasn't real he was devastated and angry that we lied to him. We throught he knew. I had to say sorry to my son and explain to him that my mom lied to me and her mom lied to her. To make Christmas special for children. He was cross cause when he over heard kids talking about santa in school, he told them if they didn't believe they wouldn't get. His friends took what he said as a joke and the subject changed to something else. He then asked me about the tooth fairy and the easter bunny! That didn't go down well either....
Then he remembered finding me one year building him a garage a few days befor Christmas when I throught he was sleeping.
Once he looked at it and saw made in China! I told him too many kids in the world for lap land to make toys, so China has lots of people that help out. He believed me! More white lies.
Their isn't a written rule when to tell a child about santa. When we find out personnely we all feel abit silly. To be onnest I discovered santa wasn't real when my day fell out of the roof space with the hidden toys!

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Funnyas · 15/11/2021 23:21

Tell her to go jump. WTF? And Gilly down there telling you to apologize🤬 again WTF? If this Woman (🙄) is that precious with her kids, she's in for a rude shock when she hears about Easter Bunny!

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gannett · 15/11/2021 08:58

Even if you're all in on the "preserve the magic of Christmas for the kids" bollocks surely you know that children finding out the truth from their peers is a natural stage of development? Especially at 9, when to be honest a child with decent capacity for critical thinking should have long worked it out. It's one thing going along with Santa stuff but artificially trying to preserve an "innocence" that the child is naturally growing out of is really weird to me.

I told everyone in my primary school class that Santa didn't exist at the age of 5. Not maliciously, it had just never occurred to me that people actually thought Santa was real. There were tears but apparently I told the teacher that the truth was more important. Fast forward seven-ish years and I took on the RE class (teacher included) about God not existing. I was definitely a bolshy know-it-all madam as a kid.

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Redarrow2017 · 15/11/2021 08:25

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

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TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 15/11/2021 06:27

Someone told my brother Father Christmas was dead, he was 5

I'm sorry but that did make me laugh Grin

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purplesequins · 15/11/2021 06:13

we never did santa.

and guess what? christmas is still magic.

look at all those christmas markets in germany. santa there is reserved for very small children (up to 4?) and for chocolate figures.

still very much magical.

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sashh · 15/11/2021 05:21

Someone told my brother Father Christmas was dead, he was 5 and my mum asked him to keep it secret for me (2 years younger).

I was about 7 or 8 one Christmas morning when my brother asked if I thought FC was real, I didn't but we decided not to tell our parents as we didn't want to spoil it for them.

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GreenWhiteViolet · 15/11/2021 00:21

@DrSbaitso

I don't think the "lie" of Santa is harmful in itself. But something has gone badly wrong when you start using threats and manipulation to stop children's natural development around it, or if your Christmases are so lacking in anything else that they'll be ruined once your child inevitably figures it out.

I agree with this. I was given the 'if you don't believe in him, you get no presents' line aged 5 or 6, after saying I knew for sure he wasn't real. I understand that it's difficult for a parent who likes that 'Christmas magic' stuff to let go of the Santa idea, but honestly once your child knows the truth, trying to force them to believe is for your benefit, not theirs.

Of course I wanted presents so I shut up and went along with the conspiracy Wink - if MN had been around at the time my mother would have ended up posting one of those 'my 12-year-old still believes, what if she gets upset when I tell her the truth?!' threads. My actual response when told was along the lines of 'yes, obviously, I told you that years ago.' But I haven't forgotten the weird, uncomfortable feeling of knowing that something wasn't true and seeing all the adults around me (including on TV!) claim that it was - at an age when I trusted them to tell me about the world.

I think it's much better, if they find out younger than you'd like, to admit that he isn't literally real but talk about it being a nice story for everyone to play pretend with, or the spirit of generosity being the real Santa or something. You can still have lots of fun at Christmas with that.
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slaybellsringing · 15/11/2021 00:01

And of course because dd3 now believes he's real and will be expecting presents! 🤦🏻‍♀️

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slaybellsringing · 14/11/2021 23:57

Try being us : don't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday (although we do some stuff), so have never pushed the Santa thing obviously ... but we've all had to pretend for the classmates of dd3 (in reception) that Santa is fucking real because her teachers seem to be obsessed with him 😂 so dd3 has been coming home saying 'Santa is going to bring me lots of presents on Christmas !'

Now I have to buy her presents to open on Christmas morning cos we don't want to upset the class 😂

Those mums don't even know how much they owe me one. 😑

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Puffalicious · 14/11/2021 19:55

Exactly Lethimhaveit

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