To not know how anyone pissing does this?!

[YaImStruggling]

How the fuckity fuck do people get themselves back together after having a baby?

My son is 9 months old and I still look like a fat deflated pancake who's hair is scraped into a greasy bun 7 days a week on top of my spotty head.

I feel like I have no time to even remotely think about getting back to "me". How the fuck do people do it? I used to be slim, I was so happy with my body before pregnancy and birth. I want to lose weight but don't seem to have the time to make healthy meals, I want to make more effort with myself like my hair or makeup but literally WHEN. My son spends all day basically trying to kill himself with anything he can find so unless I throw on a coat when I've rolled out of bed and take him out for the day looking like shit then I spend all day chasing him round the house (just started crawling).

I absolutely love being a Mum but I am just horrified at how shit I look permanently at the moment but feel I have no time to do anything about it.

When do you start feeling like yourself again, or at least getting one minute to actually do something for you?

I have a husband but he works long hours so by the time he's home it's more like tea, bath, bed and crash.

Yet I go out and see other mums who look so put together with babies younger than DS. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

[CoastalWave]

It's ok. My two are 7 and 8 and I still look like shit!!

My theory is, it's those women with time and money. They also generally have lots of family around who help out on a whim for free.

I have none of those!

At some point, my looks will start to matter again but right now I'm quite impressed at how ugly i'm prepared to look in public!

[firstimemamma]

I turned a corner mentally at 10 months so your time might be coming soon!

[MintyGreenDream]

I remember sitting in the bath,looking at stomach and crying my heart out.Didnt feel like me til at least 18 months post partum.

[RJnomore1]

Playpen.

Might not be fashionable but it’s safe.

At lest gives you time to put foundation on and drink a cuppa.

[OwlinaTree]

It sounds tough op. Do you have a travel cot? You could pop him in that for a few minutes in the bathroom doorway with a few toys while you wash or style your hair?

[Ifonlyidknownthen]

I think you need to prioritize yourself as much as your dc to stay sane as a mother. I have 3 and from day 1 of having dc1 I made sure to keep doing the things I'd always done, every day I got up and showered, did hair and makeup and dressed nice, I wouldn't have felt myself if I hadn't. My first dc was anything but easy, was a nightmare in fact that didn't stop screaming for at least 2 years, but I knew if didn't find ways to hold on to myself, I'd lose me forever. You can do it op, put your dc in a playpen with safe toys whilst you get ready, then put him in pram and go for some nice long walks for exercise, there are always ways round things.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

do you have a baby walker? the type of thing they can sit in supported but also can stand up and cruise around?
it's awesome

and a playpen

I don't know how people get back in shape, my youngest is 7 and I still weigh more than when I was overdue with him.
best of luck

[DontPeeInThePlayHouse]

After dc1 I made such an effort, then fell pregnant when he was 9 months and gave up 😅

Now I grab whatever fits from charity shops, throw my hair into a bun and look like crap. I've got a christening coming up for a dear friend where I'll be godmother. I haven't got a fucking clue where to start with looking presentable or even buying a dress/smart shoes. No idea what suits/styles will fit and fuck knows about doing hair and make up. Actually shitting myself about it.

[Nomorecoco]

I don't know, I'm finally returning back to work (and a brand new job/company ) after my maternity leave and the thing I'm most worried about is getting myself ready and looking presentable.
I've had 4 hair dye disasters in a row over the last few days trying to make myself feel a bit better, still not great and my hair is fried but its a step in the right direction(I hope!)

[ToykotoLosAngeles]

Well, it's the husband-working-long-hours that would have made me have the same issues. Baby woke at 7 and that gave DH and I almost 2 hours to swap over while we both showered and had breakfast. He started WFH at 9. Finished at 5 and I'd take myself off to cook/for a bath.

I know that doesn't help, but I'm saying you physically can't spend a lot of time on yourself, when alone with a baby, unless you use nap times.

[Duckypoohs]

Surely 9 month old babies sleep a lot, like pp said pop him down in a playpen if you need to do something. He's not going to expire in a whiff of smoke if not paid attention to for a few minutes.

If you are a gym type person, surely they have crèches? No idea.

[Xmassprout]

You're not doing anything wrong, it's just really shit sometimes. Some babies are easier than others, people have different parenting styles and are happier so some are happy to leave baby whineging in a safe place, and some people have lots of support.

For me personally, I was able to start looking after myself quite early on. But my husband is very supportive and always took the children in the morning before work, and in the evening when he got home from work

[Serenschintte]

A play pen. When they can walk reins and stair gates . But for now a playpen.

[YaImStruggling]

@Duckypoohs

Surely 9 month old babies sleep a lot, like pp said pop him down in a playpen if you need to do something. He's not going to expire in a whiff of smoke if not paid attention to for a few minutes.

If you are a gym type person, surely they have crèches? No idea.

Can you tell him please? because he has one nap during the day at the moment and even that seems to be getting shorter and shorter.

And no, my £20 a month pure gym doesn't have a crèche.

[Xmassprout]

Oh I utilised a sling quite a lot and used to do my make up with baby In the sling, and my exercise pretty much always included bany

[JojobaFromOctober]

Get a baby cage (or a playpen as some prefer to call them).

Now that your husband is a father, he should also be making changes to his lifestyle unless your family has absolutely no other choice.

[YaImStruggling]

Thank you all just having a moan after yet another day of feeling like I've been rushed off my feet but actually achieving nothing!

Some good suggestions. I do struggle with leaving him to whinge. He does have both a travel cot and a play pen but he doesn't like being left in either and I really struggle to get on with things if I he's getting upset. It makes me feel rushed and frazzled/stressed. I need to work on leaving him to entertain himself a bit more I think.

[YaImStruggling]

If I hear he's getting upset**

[LolaButt]

Is there time for your husband to give you half hour in the morning to get showered and ready for the day , before he goes to work?

That little bit of time for you will do wonders for your self esteem etc.

It’s really hard when they’re little. Promise it gets better as they get older.

[Dishwashersaurous]

What time does your husband leave in the morning?

Get up thirty minutes before he leaves for a shower and to get ready

[FedUpOfYetAnotherCold]

When do you start feeling like yourself again? ...I'm guessing when they are 18 and move out!!

(To be honest though OP, it does get easier as they get older! Mine are 9 and 7 now and very easy boys. I'm still permanently exhausted, but it's a lot easier now than in the baby years!!)

[JojobaFromOctober]

If you want to exercise with a baby and walking with the pushchair isn't doing it, a bike trailer can be brilliant and practical, depending on where you live. But they are better from 12 months really.

If you're having trouble even washing, will he not sit on the floor of the shower with you and play with some bath toys? I always took my babies in the bath or shower with me. Killing many birds with one stone.

Also just don't stress it to be honest. This is a short time and I know it's stressful and full on when they're in that suicidal stage. It won't be forever

[Equalizer]

Rocker here - have taken him into the kitchen to cook from scratch and into the bathroom to shower. Fair bit of bulk cooking in the eve. Create a safe space where you can leave him for 5 mins even if it means getting stuff out of the house, a playpen is very helpful (esp when they are too ill for childcare but not so ill that you can't WFH...).

Foundation and hair is the only thing I just about manage, have to leave the rest!

[Dishwashersaurous]

And walk walk walk walk walk. Baby in pram and power walk everywhere

[nc87653]

I had 2 under 2 and even though I was fucking exhausted, when the babies were in bed, and DH was home from work, I'd haul my arse to the gym. I also walked A LOT in the early days, pushing a buggy around the park, walking to playgroups etc.

Lost the baby weight twice and I'm a comfortable size 10.

I get my hair done (highlights) every 6 weeks on a weekend so DH can watch DC, and I buy nice clothes and expensive make up to help me feel good.