My mum always said that it doesn’t matter how wealthy or otherwise a man is, as long as you love each other. Which I guess is easy to say when, as a young nurse, you fell for a very decent and lovable surgeon ( my dad).
But I’m 43 now, and the life choices friends have made are all coming out in the wash. And the reality appears that those of us who opted to spend our lives with men and women with money have by far the better deal. There’s more freedom around healthcare, education, location, travel and work ( give up, part time, full time). The unpleasant and time consuming household chores are outsourced. There seems less stress in the partnerships because there are no money worries. The partnerships just seem easier. And if it doesn’t work out, a decent divorce settlement means women aren’t left high and dry.
Of course, love comes first. And maybe I’m getting cynical in my old age. But I’m not sure I’ll be giving my daughters quite the sake advice as my mum gave me. AIBU?
AIBU?
AIBU to think it’s rather sensible for young women to consider earning potential/ wealth when choosing a life partner?
OompaLumpaLabrador · 20/10/2021 14:56
Most people end up with someone about on their level.
Wealthy parents, private schools, big jobs, they're likely going to marry someone from a similar background.
Not necessarily. I grew up in poverty, lost my mum as a child so was raised only by my father who struggled to look after me and my siblings alone and work full time in a badly paid job, so growing up we were passed from pillar to post and I always wore hand me downs etc, and we went to a normal state school. Just about the least wealthy parent and average school experience you could imagine.
I now earn more than double what my partner does and well above the average. We don't all come from such backgrounds 
@JurgensCakeBaby
Me neither. I'm the higher earner in our house and I intend to keep it that way 
@saf1ya7
Being a SAHM when you have no money worries and it doesn’t limit your life whatsoever, is a totally different proposition to being a SAHM to a man who is a low earner and you have to watch every penny or forego things.
It’s like anything else money buys choice. For some, that will be the choice that life is better when only one person is working. These women are hardly oppressed - blimey! They are educated and confident in who they are and know precisely where they stand and what they’re doing.
The more money you have, the higher your expectations become. If you can afford for your children to do all sorts of things, then this becomes your ‘norm’ and the SAHM will be able to facilitate this. Perhaps you can pay for your kids to get into top schools and the mums do a lot of educational support. Perhaps you go a lot of entertaining, simply because you can? Or you get involved with various charities? Basically your lifestyle shifts and having a SAHM just seems obvious and practical to the point it feels essential - especially where there are three or more DC. Why would high-earning men not want the best for their children and why would they want some random woman facilitating all this when it’s obvious the mum is the best person and she actively wants to be doing it? This is very normal in some circles. Having a SAHM is nothing to be remarked on and many families have nannies and other staff as well! I am a SAHM and remember when my kids were younger, loads of people were shocked I never had a live in nanny or au pair. Or a cook or a housekeeper! They said, ‘But why not, how do you COPE?”
Loads of men (neighbours and friends locally) told my husband to get me a nanny or a housekeeper as if there was something wrong with him. My neighbour had a woman in who did nights with the babies, even though she was a SAHM. I just never wanted some other woman in my house or involved with our 4 kids. It’s just something else to manage and it’s easier to do it myself.Exactly.
I don't know why all the people here are going on 'well some rich men are pigs'. Some lower earning men are pigs.
And it's not like women go to a husband shop where they a choice of wonderful poor man or mean rich man.
The situation in which this is likely to occur is for example when pp was using dating apps - and chose whom to message based on their profession. In a situation like this going for luuuurve as OP's mother said is conventional wisdom but love itself is a complicated thing. Finances are a major reason for divorce and it's silly to pretend that this shouldn't be taken into consideration at all.
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DillonPanthersTexas - again, you sent to be talking about bullying men who force their wives to SAH against their will. But this has nothing to do with income. You read all the time on here about men who do manual jobs or low paid work and are total pigs.
Being a SAHM when you have no money worries and it doesn’t limit your life whatsoever, is a totally different proposition to being a SAHM to a man who is a low earner and you have to watch every penny or forego things.
It’s like anything else money buys choice. For some, that will be the choice that life is better when only one person is working. These women are hardly oppressed - blimey! They are educated and confident in who they are and know precisely where they stand and what they’re doing.
The more money you have, the higher your expectations become. If you can afford for your children to do all sorts of things, then this becomes your ‘norm’ and the SAHM will be able to facilitate this. Perhaps you can pay for your kids to get into top schools and the mums do a lot of educational support. Perhaps you go a lot of entertaining, simply because you can? Or you get involved with various charities? Basically your lifestyle shifts and having a SAHM just seems obvious and practical to the point it feels essential - especially where there are three or more DC. Why would high-earning men not want the best for their children and why would they want some random woman facilitating all this when it’s obvious the mum is the best person and she actively wants to be doing it? This is very normal in some circles. Having a SAHM is nothing to be remarked on and many families have nannies and other staff as well! I am a SAHM and remember when my kids were younger, loads of people were shocked I never had a live in nanny or au pair. Or a cook or a housekeeper! They said, ‘But why not, how do you COPE?” Loads of men (neighbours and friends locally) told my husband to get me a nanny or a housekeeper as if there was something wrong with him. My neighbour had a woman in who did nights with the babies, even though she was a SAHM. I just never wanted some other woman in my house or involved with our 4 kids. It’s just something else to manage and it’s easier to do it myself.
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