Unknown babysitter because DH wants to go out

[Rosieposie79]

I am not sure if I am being over cautious or whether other mums would think this okay.
I have to go out to a work event this eve - a very rare evening thing that has been in calender for months.
DH decided yesterday that weather was perfect for him to do his sport tonight. We don't have any local family or regular babysitter and without consulting me he has asked neighbours' daughter (in early 20s) to babysit our children (3 & 5). I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children. She would need to put them to bed because children would be home from afterschool club just before we both need to leave at 6pm.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable dumping young children with a stranger for bedtime when they would usually expect stories and cuddles with us. But there are also all the activities of bath time when I just feel it needs someone with a bit more experience to do this safely.
I just feel DH is being unreasonable and there will be lots of other opportunities to do his sport. He should just stay and look after kids as agreed.
He is having a big old sulk and thinks I am being overprotective.

[FourTeaFallOut]

Which one of your many, varied and diametrically opposed points would that be?

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

YANBU. Some 20 year olds have experience with younger siblings, cousins etc. At 20 I'd have had no idea whatsoever and would have been disgusted if I'd realised a 3 year old might have needed help wiping their bum or not realised that it might not be a good idea to leave a window wide open with a chair underneath it etc.

The point is 1. It's not a necessary or planned night out, it can easily be postponed and 2. You don't really know whether she is going to be good with your kids or not and 3. He didnt discuss it.

I think point 2 shows that it could be a risk. Its unknown what she is like and therefore there is a risk your kids may be unhappy at best or unsafe at worst. For some things like emergency situations I think this would be a risk worth taking. But for a last minute decision to do a hobby that could be done whenever....not worth it for me.

[rachelstriffle]

FourTeaFallOut

instead of making personal attacks, you should read my post, you are spectacularly missing the point.

You're all being mean to men
actually, by pretending the parent organising a babysitter when the other is working is a selfish CF, who do you think you are targeting the most?

[rachelstriffle]

Bizawit

I don't agree with the hypocrisy, sexism and double standard on this thread if that's all right with you?

Why, what are YOU on about?

[FourTeaFallOut]

[quote Bizawit]@rachelstriffle your posts are nuts. What are you on about?[/quote]
I know right, so far we've had...

1. you wouldn't do this if it the mother asked a random neighbour to look after the kids
   
   
2. Women will never be free of their oppression with logic like this
   
   
3. You're all being mean to men
   
   
4. You are a bunch of hypocritical whiners
   
   It's like you are trying out the full gamut of tactics just to see what might stick.

[rachelstriffle]

rainbowstardrops

Do people on here actually hold this kind of view in real life because this is 100% alien to me!

actually yes. Mum AND dad are equal, and dad shouldn't have to be stuck at home with the kids because mum is at an event, however long ago it was planned.

But then MUM shouldn't have to be stuck at home with the kids when her DH is away!

I refuse to shame a parent for having a life, a job, a hobby the minute they have kids, because it's usually the mother who is shamed and penalised...

But according to this thread, if a parent wants to do a hobby in the evening, they are refusing to spend time with their family

[Lampzade]

This is not ok .
Your dh is a selfish arse. You have been looking forward to this event which has been planned for months. Your dh was aware of this and has chosen this day to go out to participate in a sport. Of all days it has to be the one whereby you will be all dolled up and excited.
Now you will spend the whole time worrying about the kids. It’s almost as though he is deliberately attempting to ruin your night.
I would be furious

[Bizawit]

@rachelstriffle your posts are nuts. What are you on about?

[waterrat]

He hasn't taken the initiative he has stressed his wife out on a rare evening she goes out.

I am very relaxed about my kids and have even left them with total strangers from a babysitting app in the past. But this is unreasonable of the DP.

There is no need for a stressful first time with a stranger experience which could lead yo tears at bedtime. He agreed to look after rhem and the op deserves to relax knowing the kids are fine not spend the while evening checking in and worrying.

I'm relaxed as I said but this is of course not ideal. Little children and a stranger. Why should the op say yes to it.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

No chance I would leave my DC with a stranger. None whatsoever.

[rainbowstardrops]

@rachelstriffle

If it bothers you so much, YOU stay home. You don't demand that your partner gives up his plans.

Really???? This work appointment has been in the calendar for ages but because her DH fancies doing his hobby at short notice, the OP should change her plans?????
Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Do people on here actually hold this kind of view in real life because this is 100% alien to me!

[Sheerheight]

I had this ( although DCs were older to be fair), except it was me who wanted the neighbours daughter and DH who said no, we don't know her.


I felt we knew her well enough, she was only 2 doors away, we knew her parents. Anyway I had to find someone else who the DCs knew better.

I would think you can skip bath for 1 night.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@rachelstriffle

MrsTerryPratchett

as someone who employed MALE au-pairs, your fake naivety is not taking and I am not bitting

Male au pairs who weren't checked, vetted or crim checked, like the neighbour isn't? Really? Rather you than me. Considering the statistics.

[rachelstriffle]

Then on this thread you have a husband who has taken the initiative and sorted out a perfectly reasonable childcare solution and posters are saying he has been underhand and should have consulted his wife!!

then in a few months you'll get another thread whining that the DH is not taking any responsibility or organising anything..

Frankly, if DH was throwing a tantrum when I plan something for the kids, (and demand I stay nicely at home waiting for him), I would tell him to fuck up and let him deal with everything for at least a few weeks.

But if the thread has been about the MUM wanting to do her sport, the replies would have been very different.

[rachelstriffle]

MrsTerryPratchett

as someone who employed MALE au-pairs, your fake naivety is not taking and I am not bitting

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Normally it's men being called all sorts for not arranging childcare so they can do the thing they want to do.

It's actually about men pretending they don't have children and shirking every ounce of care for them. This is just part of the same issue, men who don't actually want to spend time with their children unless a woman is doing the work.

If they both had something planned and he arranged childcare that they trusted, he wouldn't be getting shit. Particularly if he regularly has them alone. But it sounds like he doesn't.

[MiaRoma]

I wouldnt leave my children with someone they dont know for a whole evening. maybe for an hour so they can get used to her ( a few times as a trial) but not for a whole evening when they dont know her.

[VeganCheesePlease]

@Clickbait

Honestly, there are SO many threads on here about lazy husbands who don't seem to do anything around the house or sorting out childcare and leave it all to their wife. Then on this thread you have a husband who has taken the initiative and sorted out a perfectly reasonable childcare solution and posters are saying he has been underhand and should have consulted his wife!!

This is my feeling too. He's taken the initiative and I'm sure he's at least talked to her before making a decision.
Normally it's men being called all sorts for not arranging childcare so they can do the thing they want to do.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

My exh is like that. Wanted my then not dry at night Ds (then 6) to stay over at a friend’s house all night when he wanted to go out on his night and I already had plans.

My friend (his friend’s mum) didn’t need to be dealing with pull ups for a child who isn’t hers, when hers were past that and all girls. Plus it would be embarrassing for Ds and he was too young for a sleep over in general!

[Youresogolden]

I’m surprised by the people saying how unreasonable you’re being. Yanbu, I’d be pissed off he hadn’t consulted me and I also wouldn’t want someone I didn’t know it who hadn’t met my Dd babysitting her 🤷🏻‍♀️
We don’t have family nearby and also don’t have a babysitter yet, our Dd is almost 3, I don’t find that weird

[shouldistop]

I wouldn't be happy about this.

You're having a rare evening out, sounds like he just can't be arsed with the kids.

[ClaireB29]

Yabu. She is an adult, old enough to have kids of her own. The kids are 3 and 5, not babies. They will be fine. There will need to be a first time sometime.

[diddl]

I would have expected him at least to have also arranged to leave work early so that he could bath them & get them ready for bed.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I wouldn’t leave kids that age with a stranger. Especially not for bath and bedtime.

I hate it when men with do anything and everything - however unsuitable- to avoid ever being “tied” or lumbered. Sometimes you just can’t do the thing you want to!

[Castlepeak]

We have never used unknown babysitters.

If we were to consider one, I would want to do the introductions in a low-stakes setting. A short outing where we are very reachable, preferably during the day.

Is he going to be easily reachable while doing his sport? You are at a work event so he should be the person who is interrupted.