Please help. AIBU to think it's impossible to cope with health anxiety when you have a baby? How do you do it?!

[Pivotthesofa]

Mine is health anxiety, had a very specific trigger and I've managed it quite well. DS is now a toddler (16 months) and I've just completely unravelled.

He was poorly recently, something that initially seemed scarier than it actually was thankfully but since then I've gone really downhill. It doesn't help that we are waiting for a hospital clinic appointment later in summer for some tests (we've known about this since before he was born and it's to check he doesn't have a condition which so far he doesn't show any symptoms of thankfully) and just the thought of it makes me feel sick.

I'm constantly panicked. Like, constantly. I feel like someone is squeezing my heart in my chest, feel dizzy and sick. I'm utterly panicked that there's something wrong with him sickness wise and I feel like I'm just waiting until he's going to be taken away from me and I can't bear it.

Every little thing he does I'm over-analysing - he's started making an excited wheeze when he's excited and I've convinced myself it's a sign of the condition he's going to be tested for. He also does fast breathing when he can't get to sleep or is getting excited/cross/agitated and even though I know it's not how he breathes normally, ditto with that.

I feel sick with anxiety all of the time and I don't know how to combat it, my usual managing coping strategies aren't working. I've contacted my counsellor to see if I can start seeing her again (stopped as I was managing so well), but I don't know what to do with myself until then.

I'm tearful and spend all my time looking up things on mumsnet, or googling which I know I shouldn't do and nothing reassures me. I've now started worrying about his development as well. It's like when my rational brain kicks in over something I have to find something else to be anxious about. I love him to bits and he's the light of my life, but I'm finding the days so hard at the moment.

How do you cope with it?

[Treaclepie19]

Cbt and a ban from googling.
Mine is a lot better than it was unfortunately OCD has taken over instead.
Hope you're able to get some relief from it OP.

[Wolfiefan]

Do you Google on a phone? Switch it off.
Find a different activity.

[SemiFeralDalek]

I have similar mixed in with what's probably PTSD. I have just self reffered for some professional help. I can't do it on my own anymore.

Good luck op

[WindFlower92]

This may not help but I found when Coronavirus started up last year I got myself into a complete state where I could think of nothing else all day and couldn't stop googling/reading horror threads on here. I told myself to give myself just half an hour each day to Google and panic, and then that was it, put the phone down. It meant that I could still get 'answers' and you don't feel so blind, but it's all concentrated in that specific half an hour. Always finish on a positive, so bad thoughts aren't left lingering afterwards. Maybe try this in some form?

[Pivotthesofa]

I know I shouldn't google, I know it's the worst thing I can do, but I can't stop when I'm stuck in the loop :(

I am trying to make a conscious effort not to at the moment, it's easier when I'm not worrying about a specific thing

[Pumperthepumper]

@Pivotthesofa

that's exactly it *@pumperthejumper*
I spent two days in tears last week because DS went a bit purply/blue tinged around the mouth (very faint) after we got caught in a terrible rain storm and he wasn't wearing much in terms of layers or a proper coat because it had been really warm. Convinced myself he has a heart problem even though it lasted about a minute and he was fine. And even now I can't stop thinking about it and googling it even though it's never happened before or since.

It's taking over my life again like it did before (This was before I had him).

I will call my GP in the morning. Before they just gave me pills but I didn't get on with them and they just told me to stick with counselling.

Good idea to call your GP, write it all down if you find that easier than saying it out loud. And really really try not to google, switch your phone off or give it to someone, it just feeds the cycle.

[Wolfiefan]

Not all pills work for all people. And they can take a few weeks to kick in.
CBT can be helpful.
Don’t Google. Just don’t.
I’m finally in a place where I can reason my fears out and also decide whether they belong in the likely to be an issue box or the you’re worrying over nothing box. It’s taken a long time though.

[Pivotthesofa]

that's exactly it @pumperthejumper
I spent two days in tears last week because DS went a bit purply/blue tinged around the mouth (very faint) after we got caught in a terrible rain storm and he wasn't wearing much in terms of layers or a proper coat because it had been really warm. Convinced myself he has a heart problem even though it lasted about a minute and he was fine. And even now I can't stop thinking about it and googling it even though it's never happened before or since.

It's taking over my life again like it did before (This was before I had him).

I will call my GP in the morning. Before they just gave me pills but I didn't get on with them and they just told me to stick with counselling.

[Pivotthesofa]

I am waiting for my counsellor to come back to me so hopefully I can see her again soon

[Pumperthepumper]

‘Trust your instinct’ is terrible advice for someone with health anxiety - the very issue is that it feels so real. You know you’re overreacting but that doesn’t change anything, you convince yourself that you are definitely right about that one thing and everyone else is wrong. It’s really, really horrible.

My advice OP is to speak to your gp and get a referral for CBT and/or medicine.

[Wolfiefan]

You need to seek professional help.
Don’t Google. I only ever look at health stuff on NHS sites!

[Pivotthesofa]

I can't trust my instincts anymore, I don't know if they are my real instincts or anxious thoughts

[JudgeJ]

You go with your instincts and don't try to live up to some fantasy of motherhood that's been put into your head, throow away all the 'advice' books and take 0.1% of what's said on this website!
It's not perfect, your're not perfect, life's not perfect but if you feel it's right for you then do it. My motto was always How hard can this be?

[UrsulaTee]

You cope with it by seeking professional support.

Anxiety is an awful, debilitating condition, but with the right help and support you can come through it. Antidepressants and cbt are what worked for me