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CMS are shit. How do I prove my children are at home 5 nights?
106

Mumof3almost4 · 10/05/2021 11:22

Ex has said he has shared care of kids, he claims he has them 3 nights. He does not he has them 1/2. This has drastically reduced maintenance.
I appealed and they said I have not proved that they are at home so many nights. How the fucking he'll do I prove they stay at home at least 5 nights? Send pics of them in their beds?!
I have to appeal at tribunal, please advise what you'd do??

OP's posts:
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shrewsigh · 10/05/2021 13:48

@Mumof3almost4

Thanks so much for the replies. I will ask what they accept as proof.
What makes it worse is that they are both in high school, he has made them record a video saying they stay 3 nights, they've done it to keep him happy. I hate him with a passion for doing this.
CMS suggested a court order but I don't want to do this as the kids are fully aware and it's even more aggro

Jesus! He got the kids to make a video which will mean he has to give them less money to support their keep?

What sort of scum-arse low life does that?

OP you have my sympathies.
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Cleverpolly3 · 10/05/2021 13:39

@OwlTwitterings

I would take time and date stamped videos and photos of the children in their beds overnight. Perhaps get a ring doorbell and formally log all of the entries and exits to your house to use to demonstrate who is in at any one time.

This is exactly what I did for three years.
Every night
Every morning

That’s how bad it was for me until to some degree they got their arses into gear

The CMS are a disgrace. State sponsored mostly father fraud of their children.
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Taciturn · 10/05/2021 13:36

@Dddccc

Well if he is claiming to have them 3 nights a week send them 3 nights a week and if he complains tell him tough shit,

This!
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ThatIsMyPotato · 10/05/2021 13:32

Can you send them 3 nights then?

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Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/05/2021 13:30

Photograph them in bed with a daily paper.

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Rejoiningperson · 10/05/2021 13:27

Also, I am no legal expert, but it may be worth asking a solicitor / women’s family organisation about whether it might be better to have court ordered maintenance from now on instead of the CMS. If he’s going to pull this kind of stunt.

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JohnnyMarr · 10/05/2021 13:24

I feel your pain OP, I've also been through this and the CMS seemed intent on taking his word over mine, despite the fact that I sent them copies of emails where he acknowledged that DS had vastly reduced his number of overnights. They are, without a shadow of a doubt, unfit for purpose.

As others have suggested I would write rather than phone, send the letter recorded, and ask for a thorough explanation of precisely what evidence they've based their decision on (tbh I very much doubt it's the video) Quote the Child Support Act 1991 which states, in relation to Shared Care, "if no agreed position can be reached...you will need to base any decision on the information available, clearly documenting why you have chosen to rely on any particular evidence used"

I found voiceofthechild.org really useful - loads of info re reguations and the decision making process they (supposedly Hmm) implement on there.

I would also second talking to your kids, my ex is on a six figure salary, I'm on not a lot over nmw, yet DS wouldn't ask him for anything because he'd instilled in him that "that's what maintenance is for" I'm gradually disabusing him of that one!

Good luck Wine

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Rejoiningperson · 10/05/2021 13:24

He has made them record a video lying about the amount of time they spend with him?

Bloody hell.

Is there a women’s aid organisation nearby? This is financial abuse I would imagine - they might have some advice. Can you afford a solicitor to advise you or legal aid for one? Again probably any women’s organisation or family aid type organisation could assist. This is pretty awful.

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DianeCherry · 10/05/2021 13:19

CMS will only accept a court document. It should not be difficult to have your existing arrangement rubber stamped by a court. Speak to a family solicitor, you will get your first 30 mins free. I haven been in this exact situation, it's the only thing you can do.

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Allwokedup · 10/05/2021 13:18

You’ve also got a problem with your kids, you’ve spoken to them
And they don’t care? That’s awful

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mumwon · 10/05/2021 13:08

have a conversation with dc about you asking them why they have done this & you explaining WHY THEY NEED TO TELL THE TRUTH & YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO LIE (not yelling just emphasising point) FOR YOU
& record it without telling them

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YuXV · 10/05/2021 13:05

Why did they record the video for their dad though? Is he abusive, bullying? How old are they? How did they react when you asked them about it. Do they want to stay with him that many night and thought it was a means to get him to agree to it?

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Lockdownlifting12344555 · 10/05/2021 13:03

We’ve had the same with my husbands ex wife, it has been 50/50 care for many years. We pay half of everything and buy all clothes , pay his phone bill etc.

In 14 nights he is 7 at ours, 7 at his mums.

She told the CMS that he only spends 2 nights a week at ours, we therefore have to pay her £250 a month in cms. The only way CMS said they’d accept it was a court order.

It might not seem a lot however when we pay for everything he needs already it’s ridiculous.

Thankfully he is 18 and leaves college this month, so it’s the last month of maintenance

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TeeBee · 10/05/2021 13:01

Can you get copies of the messages between the kid and their dad arranging contact? Are there any that mention the days in a week he will have them?

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Lovemusic33 · 10/05/2021 13:00

If they are old enough to understand that they are lying for their father then I would sent them to him for 3 nights a week, he’s claiming they already are and now they are too so why aren’t they staying 3 nights?

If the kids need underwear etc and their dad is loaded then get them to ask him for these things?

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Omemiserum · 10/05/2021 12:58

Can you send them to him for 3 nights a week then? He'll soon get fed up.

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OwlTwitterings · 10/05/2021 12:56

I would take time and date stamped videos and photos of the children in their beds overnight. Perhaps get a ring doorbell and formally log all of the entries and exits to your house to use to demonstrate who is in at any one time.

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FortunesFave · 10/05/2021 12:54

If they are in high school they should understand the concept of bill paying and basic needs OP. You need to have a hard talk to them about this....it's not on.

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DumplingsAndStew · 10/05/2021 12:53

@Doris86

Seems unfair they are just taking his word for the fact they stay there 3 nights a week, but asking you to proove otherwise. Why aren’t they asking him to proove they do stay with him 3 nights a week?

Because he has proof, or more than the OP does, in the form of the video with the kids testifying to that.

He's a total shit. How old are the kids?

By the way, 3 nights a week isn't 50/50 shared care, so won't be enough to get him out of paying maintenance altogether.
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Dracoceratosaurus · 10/05/2021 12:52

Tell him that he is now having the kids on the days he claims to have them, and start trying to arrange this.
Record the conversation.

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Viviennemary · 10/05/2021 12:51

Then they need to go to him for three nights.

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Namechangedforthistoday · 10/05/2021 12:47

@Mumof3almost4

This is what is happening, I can't afford the 'extras' such as even underwear.
I really really don't want to but I'm even considering getting them to actually stay 3 nights but not weekends so he doesn't just get to play super dad and I just get the shit mundane stuff

Yep play him at his own game and have him have the kids 3 nights Sunday, Monday and Tuesday night each week should do the trick. I’m sure he will love getting the kids to school on a Monday morning
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youshallnotpass9 · 10/05/2021 12:45

If they are old enough to understand, I would show them a rough guide of your incomes and outgoings before and after and explain what is going to have to go because they did that video.

Also I am not sure how it works, but if he is claiming to have them more nights, if you are on benefits does this affect those at all?

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Doris86 · 10/05/2021 12:43

Seems unfair they are just taking his word for the fact they stay there 3 nights a week, but asking you to proove otherwise. Why aren’t they asking him to proove they do stay with him 3 nights a week?

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Bluedeblue · 10/05/2021 12:41

Aargh they ARE crap. They believed that my Ex had earned £60k one year, £134k the next and £72k the next. They said the only way I could prove he earned £134k was to get his pay slips, but they would not accept them really as that'd mean I'd stolen them. Say what?

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