About boyfriend's insensitivity ?

[Jaypreen]

Hello all. I’ve been separated for about 18 months now from my partner of about 10 years. We have a 6 year old daughter who has taken it the separation as well as can be expected – but she does have moments where she gets a traumatic about the separation. Understandably she wants me and her dad to get back together again, which is highly unlikely.

About 2 months ago I met someone who I like, well – I’m sort of intrigued by more than anything. He’s not exactly my type physically, but he’s really nice, easy going and interesting. He knows all about my separation from my daughter’s father of course and how she’s still not completely excepting of the situation. Last night he came over for dinner and he met my daughter for the first time. They got along well. Thing is – as we were eating he asked me in front of her what the chances are of me and my ex getting back together again are?. I was aghast to be honest. I thought it was a really insensitive thing to say in front of her. She looked at me desperate look in her eye and stupidly I said “very unlikely” rather than just changing the subject. Needless to say my DD was upset by hearing me say this out loud although she’s asked me a million times the same question. She was upset when I put her to bed, she asked me about it about whether her dad feels the same way etc. I asked him to leave and I haven’t contacted him today. He’s been texting me. What should I say / do? Am I being unreasonable? Am I over dramatising?

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

Lesson learned. Bin him off, just block him. GET RID. Leave some more time before dating anyone and way, way more time before bringing anyone round your child.

[Maray1967]

Yes, I think it’s more likely he opened his mouth without thinking. If someone is thinking that that is impossible, what would you make of a midwife going on and on about what a terrible time you must have had with 3 mcs - in front of your 7 year old in the room. Because that happened to me with an otherwise very helpful midwife.

[billy1966]

@Thehop

YABVVU to introduce the new fella so soon, especially when she’s struggling.

He’s a prick who purposefully put you on the spot and didn’t give a shit about hurting your dd to do it. Bin him off and concentrate on you and your dd for a while.

Huge red flag.

A nasty piece of work.

Best case scenario he's thick as shit.

Block.

Your poor little daughter.

[Jaypreen]

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

You have very graciously accepted the comments here. Your daughter is lucky to have you. You were correct in your instinct that your ex boyfriend is insensitive. Good for you.

Thank you. I feel like a proper prat introducing him to DD too soon. I

[mogsrus]

didn't quite think that one through did he,maybe just a little insensitive, time will tell

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

You have very graciously accepted the comments here. Your daughter is lucky to have you. You were correct in your instinct that your ex boyfriend is insensitive. Good for you.

[IEat]

Do you ever say something then think wtf did I say they but the chat continues?

[OldEvilOwl]

What an idiot (Him)

[Jaypreen]

I do do things with her all the time. Every weekend we go for walks make things, bake biscuits, play games. She's the light of my life. But I made a serious mistake inviting him to meet her, I realise that.

I posted here because I wondered if I've over reacted to his asking me if there was a chance I'd go back to my ex in front of her. When you're on your own you get insecure and a little desperate. I have done anyway.

I thought it was a horribly insensitive thing for him to say. I still do and I do not wish to see him anymore.

Thank you all for your comments.

[sammylady37]

Your poor daughter. She doesn’t need ‘a little change’ if that ‘little change’ is a random guy who you’ve known only 2 months coming into her life when she is barely coping with the separation and all that upheaval.
If you want to ‘brighten her life a little’, do something with her, for her, not being random men into her life.

[Bluntness100]

Fair play op.

[hardboiledeggs]

He’s totally out of line! Your Daughter is only 6 years old, struggling to adjust and your only been with your “boyfriend” for two months but brought him into your home. For your Daughters sake bin him.

[Jaypreen]

@LuaDipa

Yabu to introduce your dd to someone you have only known for two months.

I agree. It was far too soon and I have made a serious misjudgement there. I did hope it would provide a little change and brighten her life up a little bit, rather than being with me the whole time.

I've decided that he's an insensitive idiot. He doesn't have kids of his own but he knew how she frail she is at present. It was crass and insensitive of him for just coming out with that. Having said that - I do realise that I am to blame for any damage caused.
II

[SarahBellam]

Read the initial post and then before I typed I RTFT. Fully agree about introducing your 6yo to someone after two months. These are exactly the sort of creases you want to iron out before any introductions are made.

[seven201]

@LuaDipa

Yabu to introduce your dd to someone you have only known for two months.

This

[Allwokedup]

2 months it’s way to early for him to meet your daughter. He’s a tool I can’t believe he asked that in front of your daughter!! I’d be so mad.

[Ebony999]

@Bluntness100

Actually, I’m going to be blunt here, but I feel it’s you who is insensitive. You’ve been split eighteen months, your daughters still adjusting and you invite some random to meet her that you’ve only know a few weeks?

Yes he was insensitive but you’ve been way way more insensitive than him. She should not be meeting your boyfriends after a few weeks ans definitely not when she’s still adjusting.

This. OP, you are entirely to blame for introducing your daughter to a man who you don’t even know. Poor child.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

He was insensitive. Bit of a prick. But you were worse to introduce them to each other so early on; particularly knowing how she feels. It’s you upon whom your DD relies, not your boyfriend.

[Laureline]

He either stupid or manipulative.

[Honeyroar]

It was an insensitive thing to say to you on your own, never mind in front of your little girl.

[Dipi79]

YABVVVU to introduce your poor little girl to a man you are 'intruiged' by after 2 months. Insensitive and selfish on YOUR part, never mind what that stupid berk said in front of your child.

[Shoxfordian]

Red flag but 2 months is way too soon to have introduced him anyway

[Jumpers268]

I really struggled to vote on this one. YANBU to be upset with what he said, but YABU to have introduced him to her after 2 months. I'm not judging you though. I get it. I split with my ex 3 years ago and having been seeing a guy for 6 months so I do get it but in 2 months (or 6) you really don't know him.

[Aquamarine1029]

You have clearly seen how stupid and insensitive this man is. You have been warned. Dump and block.

[Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout]

@Still1nLove

I’d guess he was making a point to your dd. A massive 🚩

I agree to the above

And to the point that 2 months is far too early to introduce a new bloke to your DD.