Under pressure to meet up with family.

[Hey2492]

I understand that most families can’t wait to see each other and it’s an exciting time, I fully appreciate that. I don’t have that kind of relationship with my family. They are hard work and toxic but they don’t see it. They are close but fall out a lot too and there’s so many crappy things in the family that no one has any idea about. I kind of do my own thing with dp and our dc. I won’t go into detail about what makes my family difficult.

They do naff all for me. Not that I expect it but they expect a lot done for them.

We are on day 2 and I’ve had my dm messaging me asking if they can come over at the weekend. Sounds nice and normal but I’m just not ready.

Not ready due to me own worries with covid. They’ve all they had their vaccines and we have not. I know they won’t social distance from dc. They seem to think the vaccine makes them invincible. DS is somewhat vulnerable.

I’m probably in the minority but I’ve really enjoyed the last year in our own home, just the 4 of us. I haven’t felt pressure to visit family at the weekends. We’ve really learnt to appreciate being at home together and are much happier this way. Weekends we’d be pressurised into visiting family, never any time for ourselves. We work all week so we’ve really enjoyed our chilled weekends since covid. Not had to worry about getting up and travelling to see family.

I suffer from anxiety, Ocd and depression. My overall mental health has improved greatly in the last year. Again, I’m probably in the minority as I know covid has increased mental health issues and I can sympathise but for me I’ve just been living at my own pace and not to please others. I’m a people pleaser, I cannot stand up for myself. I let people walk all over me. However, I am in a good place right now but I can sense it will change again.

I don’t want to go back to feeling pressurised into visiting my families house every weekend. I just can’t do it. I’m in tears thinking about it. I’ve been guilt tripped so much and it needs to change. I need to put myself and my little family first.

Aibu to feel this way? Is anyone else in the same dilemma? I can’t be the only one surely?

[herbivore15]

I know what you mean OP. I've been on mat leave for 6 months and while the timing has certainly had its downsides, one massive positive has been a bit more privacy in our own home.

Interestingly, my MIL, who we said could bubble up with us has been having people over and attending house viewings since receiving her vaccine. Not too worried about passing it on to your grandchild then

This is a great opportunity to reset boundaries so I definitely think you are wise to take things slowly.

[MRSGGG]

I want to add this is my MIL, she always had and always will push the boundaries because he feelings should override everyone else's. She is a lovely lady and FT childcare (precovid) but I think she believes that gives her boundary free roaming. It doesn't I can see the manipulation tactics on my husband and its quite sad. I hope I don't do that to my DC when they're older.

[ButIcantsitonleather]

What do they do if you just say ‘no thanks, that doesn’t work for us,’ OP?

[MRSGGG]

You're not the only one. We feel the same.

Some people mean well in their own minds but will never understanding how triggering they are for others and how exhausting just one meeting is.

Can you put it off for a few weeks whilst you get your head around it?

My fear is people after being vaccinated will become flippant, less distancing and less handwashing etc and that impacts those of us that are nowhere near top of the list yet!!

[ContractClockAndCrucible]

I need to put myself and my little family first. keep telling yourself that. I took a massive step back from my family about 4 years ago. I just can't be doing with the subtle insults, shit stirring and manipulation. I'm so much happier now I'm low contact.

Please just say, sorry this weekend isn't convenient, and until we have our vaccines we won't be having visitors to the house.

Don't worry about being blunt with thick skinned people, they can handle it.